Love's Little Book
by littlestar300
Summary: Bella's looking for a fresh start and one day it comes to her in the form of a flyer about the Boston Book Exchange. Can she help the reclusive owner Edward Cullen into the land of the living, and can he help her make the changes she needs in her life.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi guys, so here is my new and first multi chap story. I plan to update once a week. I really hope you like it. Please take the time to review to let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I am going to do this for the whole story. All characters you recognise belong to SM. Nothing you read belongs to me. I am just having fun and that is all.**

**Massive thanks to Brits23 and karma0be11e from Project team beta for going over this for me. And a massive thanks to Latessitrice for pre-reading this for me and for being the best twitter friend a girl could ask for.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 1

"What you need, Bella, is to get out more, re-find your feet," my mother said.

I just nodded lightly in reply. Honestly, I had stopped listening a while ago. Instead, I was watching a glimmer of light that was resting on the sand colored wall. It looked as though a thousand tiny diamonds had grouped together to create a work of art.

The sun was glaring through the window of the little café I was sitting in. The bright ray of light was hitting the large, ugly watch of the man sitting on the table two up from ours, and it was creating the bundle of diamonds on the wall. I found it fascinating that the ugly watch could create something so beautiful; the glimmer flickered and twitched every time the portly and loud man laughed or moved. Then it would settle again and it would change somehow; instead of the bluish hue it had before, it would be green or pink as the light hit another part of the watch.

I loved these little things in life - the little surprises, the oddities.

I was grateful to the sun for shining and to the portly and loud man for wearing that watch. It created a distraction, a much needed one.

I hated these 'lunches' as Mom called them, even though it was well into the afternoon and strictly couldn't be classed as 'lunch' any more. These afternoons were always the worst moments of my week. It wasn't because I disliked or didn't love my mom; of course I did love her, and I liked her...well, most of the time.

The problem was she liked to meddle in my life. And what annoyed me most was that sometimes she was right.

Like this time. My life had just changed and my mom wanted to fix it.

You see, once I was married and happy and content. Then it all fell apart.

Mike Newton and I were one of 'those' couples. We were high school sweethearts. We were each other's first everything and we were head over heels in love.

For some, these relationships work, no doubt about that. Unfortunately for Mike and I, we found out 10 years after marriage that we were, in fact, not soul mates at all. It was one of those awful moments when we realized at the same time that 'it' just wasn't working.

What hurt most was that there was no lurid affair, no fights and no hatred. We just discovered that we didn't love each other anymore, not in the right way at least. We had completely let each other down.

I loved Mike, I really did, but I just wasn't _in_ _love_ with him; it was the same for him with me. He moved out the day after we came to the same conclusion, and a month after that I was no longer Isabella Newton. I was back to being Isabella Swan. I had never thought that would happen.

"What you need Bella, is a man," my mother declared loudly.

In a panic, I looked at the other people sitting in the café with horror, hoping they didn't hear her. She really had no idea of volume control and not everyone needed to know about my personal life.

"I just got rid of one man, can't I just be single for a while?" I said quietly, hoping that she would get the message. Judging by the look of horror on her face, clearly the message was not received and me being single was not an option.

"Bella of course you need a man, what are you going to do on your own? You never go out, you have no life. You. Need. A. Man." Her brown eyes were wide, she was staring me down and it was frightening; arguing was pointless.

I picked up my large tote bag and rifled through it for my wallet. It was time to get out of there.

"You know, Mom, you're right," I said easily, trying to get through the rest of the meeting unscathed.

"You're just saying that," she said dejectedly.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my wallet, opening it up and pulling out a twenty. "This should cover lunch. I have to go," I said as I put the money down on the white tablecloth. I was desperately trying to change the subject and get away. I stood up and made my way around the table.

"You have to go already?" she asked in a high pitched and surprised voice that was designed to make me feel guilty. "There's is more I have to talk to you about," she added, making me feel even more like a neglectful daughter.

"Sorry Mom, I will call you in a couple of days, we can talk then."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not stupid Bella; I know you're just trying to get away from this conversation. Look, my friend's son is newly single, his charming and handsome - I could set you up if you want," she said innocently.

"Mom," I warned.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be set up by his or her own mother.

She held her hands up in fake defense. "What, can't a Mother care about her only child?" she said with a smile.

I leaned down to her level and kissed her lightly on her soft cheek. "Yes, but there's a difference between caring and meddling, you know?"

She turned to me and put her hands on my cheeks, cupping them as though they were the most precious things in the world. "I just worry about you Bella; you're 28, divorced, and lonely. I am your mother and it is my job to worry about you." She said those words with such sincerity, that it briefly brought tears to my eyes and consumed me with love for her.

"I know Mom, and I appreciate it."

She smiled one of her dazzling smiles that she was famous for and patted one cheek lightly before letting go.

"So will you think about meeting my friend's son?"

I stood up and shook my head.

"You're unbelievable," I said half-heartedly. I was part in awe of her and part amused; she never gave up.

"Is that a yes?" I picked my bag up and slung it over my shoulder.

"It's a maybe, we'll talk about it later," I said as I backed away from her. I quickly left the café before she could respond. One more minute with her and I knew I would be agreeing to a date.

I walked down the busy, bustling street.

Summer was nearly over and people were out and about enjoying the last of the Boston sun, before the cold, harsh winter descended. Couples walked down the street hand in hand. Friends laughed and giggled with each other.

It was pretty awful realizing that the only friend you really had was the man you didn't love any more.

My mom was right, I was lonely.

Just then, a sharp breeze whirled down the street picking up trash and leaves on its way. My long, brown hair whipped around my face, obscuring my sight. I put my head down and went to push my now tangled hair out of my face.

It was then that I noticed a white piece of paper stuck to my Levi covered shin.

I kicked my leg trying to detach it, but it was stubborn and refused to budge. I lifted my leg and grabbed the tatty paper. It was crinkled, the corners were bent and curled, and there was a large dusty footprint right in the middle of it.

I was about to crumple it up and place it in the nearest trashcan, when something grabbed my attention.

**'Volunteer needed,'**

was printed across the top of the page in bold and garish writing.

I continued reading.

"**The Boston Book exchange is looking for someone to help afternoons, Monday to Thursday. 1:00pm till 3:00.**

**For more information, please visit in store. 334 Chelsea Street.**

**Ask for Mr E. Cullen.**

The whole advertisement seemed a little odd, but interesting.

I thrust the paper into my bag and continued walking home. It didn't take me long to get to my apartment. Considering how much time I spent there, I probably should have liked it more than I did. But it just felt so empty without Mike. It was not the same without him and I constantly regretted letting him be the one to move out. I was practically there all day, every day, alone.

I was in between jobs and the blank walls and sterile metal furnature that Mike seemed to like so much was slowly driving me crazy. It looked like a doctor's waiting room, and that simply was not me.

My mom was right in some respect. I didn't think dating was the answer, not yet anyway. But I did need to get out more.

My thoughts drifted to the dirty piece of paper hidden in my bag. Volunteering was a great excuse to get out of the house and meet new people. It wasn't perfect and it didn't pay anything, but it was a step in the right direction. I decided to think about it more before I rushed into anything. I had never heard of the Boston book exchange, or Mr. E Cullen.

I was going to have to do some research.

.

.

.

.

**I would love to hear what you think, any feed back is greatly appreciated. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Big thanks to LSD (lightstardust) and StoryPainter for beta'ing this chapter for me you did an amazing job. Also huge thanks to latessitrice for pre reading and to the lovely ladies who I WC with (you know who you are.)**

Love's little book

Chapter 2

The next morning my thoughts were consumed by the piece of paper I had found the day before. That piece of paper, I decided, got stuck to my leg for a reason. Maybe I didn't find that piece of paper at all, maybe that piece of paper found me.

It may sound really pathetic to some that I was getting so excited about volunteering in a book exchange program. It didn't sound too riveting and it probably meant spending most of my time with old people. Yet, it was a way out. The Book Exchange could be a refuge from the sterile home where I lived and the lonely existence I led.

I could help them whilst also helping me; the situation was perfect.

Whilst eating my toast and sipping on my black coffee, I read over the flyer again. There were no clues about the job, the program or the man behind it. I was completely in the dark. In truth, I knew nothing about volunteering at all. All my assumptions were based on popular culture which is never the best source of information.

Yet, I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach; I was sure volunteering was a great idea because it had to be. I had to do something to change the way I was living, I had to meet people and get myself out of the rut I was in or I was going to drown in it.

I knew that the best person to talk to get information would be my mom since she made it her business to know as much as she could about everyone. No doubt she had heard about 'The Boston Book Exchange' and she could have probably given me the low down and more on Mr. Cullen.

For a moment I thought of calling her, only then I remembered our conversation from our lunch the day before. There was no way I could handle that craziness two days in a row, no matter how curious I was.

Once a week at lunch was enough.

I really had no one else to ask. All my friends were Mike's friends first and I didn't want to put them in the position where they felt like they had to choose. So I had reluctantly pulled myself away from them.

After I had finished my breakfast, I went to my room and pulled out my hardly-used laptop. After nearly an hour of searching I was none the wiser. I had found a small article from when the store had opened a few years back, but, other than that, nothing.

The lack of information made me wonder how the hell this book exchange was being funded. There seemed to be no advertisements for it at all.

I also Googled 'Mr E. Cullen,' but felt like a bit of a creeper, so in the end I left it. Seemed like the only way I was going to get the information I needed would be to go down there and find out firsthand.

I pondered what to wear for longer than was necessary.

_What would this man like to see in a volunteer?_ I wondered.

My last job had been a check-out girl, so I hardly had anything professional to wear.

I searched the bottom of my half empty wardrobe and pulled out the only nice sweater I owned. It was forest green, v-neck and fit me well. The only problem was that it had tiny bobbles littering its surface from being over worn, but it was the only thing that looked halfway professional, so it would have to do.

I paired it with black jeans and plain black flats. I scooped my hair into a high ponytail, thinking that hair up was more professional.

Picking up my bag and the piece of paper, I hurried towards the door, leaving quickly before I could change my mind.

I watched Boston pass me by out the window of the bus I was traveling on. The grey buildings and bright green trees blurred as the bus zoomed past them. The colors split and spread into each other.

I got off the bus and from there it was a five minute walk. I already knew the area well, having had a friend that had lived there years before.

Finally, I came to a stop outside the shop I was looking for matching the address on the flyer to that of the one on the building. It was not what I had imagined.

I had thought that 'The Book Exchange' would be a bright, organized and open space.

What was in front of me was the complete opposite; it was small, dark and dingy. Outside was a small sign, letting me know that I was at the right place. The windows were half covered with stacked dusty books. To most it would have been off-putting and a sign to turn around and go back where they came from, but I was undeterred.

I took a deep breath and walked straight in.

Inside it was darker and dingier than I thought, and there were more books than I had ever seen in my life. There were shelves to the ceiling on either side of me that were crammed with books, and stacks on the floor in front of them coming up to around knee-height. This left me with a very narrow space to walk.

It was so dark that I couldn't see much in front of me and the shop was narrow, which didn't help in my navigation.

"Hello," I whispered into the darkness.

No one answered.

I stood there for a moment, unsure what to do next. I didn't want to intrude but at the same time this was a shop so surely there was someone around. I slowly and carefully walked along the book corridor in front of me, looking at the mess of the place it was not surprising that they needed help.

I could see that the space got wider in front of me, turning into the typical square room that you would expect. It was still full of books but the space was larger and airier and there was a small window at the side letting in a little light.

In the dim light I could see the dust swirling and dancing around; clearly it needed a good clean.

At the back of the room was a large mahogany desk that was covered in even more books and piles of papers. And there, behind the desk and the books and papers, was a man.

He appeared to be lost in thought, hunched over, pen in hand, scribbling away furiously.

The small amount of light in the room seemed to illuminate him and I stopped dead in my tracks.

This isn't the part where I tell you that this man was handsome, that is not necessarily what he was.

The first thing I noticed was penny-colored hair that was stood up in thick uncontrollable tufts all over his head. It appeared as though he had tried to style it, but failed miserably. His hair was probably a little too long, and I would imagine a complete nuisance but complemented his face perfectly. It fell over his forehead and hung ever so slightly in his eye line, he had a strong nose, high cheekbones and unearthly pale, flawless skin.

He looked young, much younger than me, and I instantly ruled him out as being Mr. E Cullen.

He reached a hand up and rubbed his strong and stubbled jaw. He was deep in concentration, his forehead creased as he found some problem with what he was doing. His hand moved up to rake through his hair in irritation.

It was at that moment that he noticed another presence in the room. His head shot up, his fingers still entwined in his hair and he looked at me in shock. I gasped lightly when his surprised eyes met mine.

I was mesmerized. His eyes, wide and emerald green, were a perfect contrast to his pale skin and bronze hair.

No, this man was not handsome; he was odd, intriguing and strangely beautiful.

He stood quickly. His chair scrapped loudly across the wooden floor and he seemed unsure of himself, unused to there being someone else being there.

"Hi," he said nervously.

I smiled; he looked like a deer in headlights, which I found unbelievingly cute. I wondered if he was another volunteer, or if he actually worked there.

I ran my eyes down his well-formed figure, checking him out as discreetly as I could. He was lean yet muscular. He was wearing baggy jeans and a blue sweater that could have rivalled mine for percentage of bobbles. He all in all looked a bit scruffy, but it only made him more endearing.

"Hi, I am looking for a Mr. E. Cullen," I said politely.

He moved his hands to the pockets of his jeans and rocked back nervously on his heels.

"Um th-that would be me," he stuttered.

My eyes widened in shock again. That I was not expecting.

"Oh okay, well, um, I heard that you are looking for volunteers."

He looked at me in absolute horror and I panicked. Why would he look at me like that? Was the concept of me volunteering for him that awful?

There was an awkward silence and I felt myself fill with dread. This wasn't how this meeting for supposed to go.

I hurriedly searched through my bag, pulled out the advertisement and I held it out for him.

"I found this yesterday, you are still looking for help right?" He pulled himself out of whatever trance he had been in and rushed around the desk to stand directly in front of me.

He took the paper from my hand. "Yes, I am still looking for help."

I gazed up at him, close up he was even more marvelous then he was from a distance, his features were so distinct and sharp, but I also noticed the small lines around his eyes, the crease of his forehead and mouth. He was older then I had placed him before, probably a lot closer to my age then I had thought.

"So, I have no experience and I know nothing about books, but I really want to help," I said happily and probably a little too enthusiastically. His expression grew more and more shocked.

"You want to volunteer?" he asked disbelievingly.

I looked at the mess around me. "Yeah. Besides, I think you could really use the help."

The stain of pink colored his cheeks.

"I'm Bella, by the way," I said as I watched him, saving him from the embarrassment of my last comment, he was so nervous and uncomfortable in my presence. I wasn't offended, I had a suspicion that he was like that with everyone.

"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen."

"So Edward Cullen, can I volunteer for you?" I asked.

He blushed again. "I, um... yeah, sure. Are the hours on the advertisement OK with you?" He asked, all flustered.

"Yeah, they are fine," I replied.

"Well, um, why don't you come back tomorrow at one o'clock and we can go over some more things and get you all started," he said shyly.

I nodded happy that he had accepted my offer.

"OK, so tomorrow then?"

He swallowed hard. "Yes, tomorrow."

I looked him over one last time, turned around, and left with a large grin on my face.

The whole journey home I thought about the new man I had met. He really was quite peculiar and extremely nervous. He was attractive but not in a conventionally handsome way, which I found odd.

However, I decided on that journey back to my boring world that I quite liked odd. Odd was new, odd was different.

Odd was a change from the bland my life had become.

**Thanks for the amazing reviews for the first chapter, please keep them coming. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I just want to say a massive thanks to DutchessDeeDee and SweetVenom69 for beta'ing this chapter. Also big thanks to Latessitrice for pre reading.**

**Big thanks to Raggdoloftwilight who made me an amazing Banner, the link is on my profile page check it out because it really is beautiful.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 3

The next morning I was fairly excited. This I was sure that this was the start of the new me. It just had to be.

I jumped out of bed. Which in itself was unusual, normally I crawled out of bed. But that morning, I bounced out of it and opened my bland, white curtains. The sun blasted in making me squint, yet it bought a genuine smile to my face.

_'Today will be a good day'_ I thought. The warmth from the sun was exaggerated as it passed through the glass of the window and embedded itself inside my skin. Then it raced like fire through my veins warming me.

I relaxed my eyes and instead of squinting, I just let them close. I took a deep breath and relaxed in the warmth and light I was bathed in. A small smile pulled at my lips. I was buoyed for the first time in a long time I felt hopeful. I could change things; I could pick myself up and brush myself down. I could be hopeful, because that day was going to be a good day, a better day, a new day.

With my new found energy, I decided not to waste a second of the blissful sunshine.

I got changed into a summery dress and left my apartment for down town. I headed to my favourite coffee shop 'Gino's'. It wasn't one of the generic chains that seemed to dominate town center and cities across the world. It was a home grown, family run shop that fought hard against the corporations. They made their drinks with care, they knew their customers well and they needed all the help they could get.

I went to the counter and made my order, a large cappuccino seemed like the perfect way to start the day. I sat outside at the rickety, old, metal tables that had been placed on the side walk and enjoyed my coffee.

I contemplated what my day was going to be like. Was I going to like it? Or was it going to turn out to be a disappointment?

I continued to think about the next few hours on the journey to The Book Exchange. It was going to be my first day as a volunteer and also meant spending a whole two hours with the strange but intriguing Edward Cullen. I was in a state of nervous anticipation and before I knew it I was stood outside the shop again.

When I got to The Book Exchange, everything was exactly the same as the day before. The dust was still floating in unsynchronized patterns around the room, the light was still dim, there were still books in piles laying around on the floor and Edward was still nowhere to be seen.

I headed into the dark cavern of the shop a lot more confidently then the day before, and I found Edward in the same spot, sitting at the desk, pen in hand.

This time he looked up instantly and gave me a breath taking smile.

"Your here!" he said in surprise.

"Yes," I said, laughing lightly.

He blushed at my laughter and his gaze fell to the dusty brown floor boards beneath our feet.

"Sorry, I just thought that maybe you would of changed your mind," he said softly.

"Relax, Edward, I haven't changed my mind," I responded calmly. I didn't want to make him feel any more insecure then he already felt.

He looked up and his green eyes met my brown ones, he smiled which in turn made the corners of my mouth curl upwards. His smile was just so contagious.

"Well...um...maybe we should sit down and discuss a few things before we get started," Edward said formally.

I suppressed the urge to giggle again; clearly Edward Cullen was not a social butterfly.

He quickly turned back to his desk, and in a rush, emptied the spare chair of all the books that were on top of it. This caused more dust to despatch in clouds around the room.

When he was done, he gestured for me to sit. I looked at the rickety wooden chair and prayed that it wouldn't collapse under my weight.

I softly sat down. The chair creaked and strained, but to my relief, held firm. He quickly walked around and sat down on the other side of the desk.

"So, um, maybe I should tell you a little bit about what we do here," he started quietly. "We obviously are a book exchange. Normally we take books from places like schools and prisons and exchange them with other books that they need. We also offer this to the general public as well." As he spoke, his fingers fiddled with the papers on his desk and his eyes sparsely made contact with mine.

"When you say _we_, who do you mean exactly?" I asked.

His cheeks instantly turned red at my question, and he frowned lightly. He started fiddling with his fingers instead of the papers.

"Well, I really mean _me_ or soon _us_, maybe," he said, grimacing.

I stayed quiet, not wanting to rush him or make him feel even more uncomfortable.

"You see the thing is, I am not really a people person. In fact, I am not a people person at all. I thought opening this place would be a good way to get over that, but people came with books from all over, and I couldn't keep up. Now, I am in this mess, and people don't come any more because it _is_ a mess and I need help," he said animatedly.

After he had finished, he looked at me, trying to gage my reaction to his rant.

I smiled widely, finding him quite adorable. His skin was still flushed and his eyes were wide as he waited for me to say something. He looked anxious and I assumed he was scared he had frightened me away.

The truth couldn't have been more different; instead of being put off by the kooky guy in front of me, I was more determined than ever that I wanted to help him and The Book Exchange.

"Well, that's what I'm here for. I think a little dusting, some organizing and maybe a lick of paint, and this place will be as good as new."

He smiled shyly. "Really?" he asked.

"Sure! If you sort out what books you have and the business side of all this, I am pretty sure I can get this place cleaned up and looking welcoming again. If that's what you want, of course." I added when I realized I was getting as animated and excited as he was.

"That would be amazing," he said, going back to his soft voice from before. Excited Edward was gone.

"Well, you advertised for a volunteer and here I am," I said, shrugging.

"Okay, so, um, if you take a look around and make a list of what you will need, I will get it for you. Is that okay?"

I nodded lightly.

The rest of my time was spent looking around the dingy rooms and stacks. The task ahead of me was daunting. The shop wasn't dirty; it was just dusty and cluttered. It was going to take a lot of work, but together, I was sure we could do it.

I was excited, I had a purpose, something to achieve, a goal to reach and it felt good. It had been a long time since I felt like I had a purpose.

We worked in relative silence, which was not my choice. I was a fairly chatty person, but talking to Edward was hard work. When he said he wasn't a people person, he really wasn't lying. Getting a sentence out of him without him blushing or stuttering, was like drawing blood from a stone.

It was endearing and cute, but I couldn't help but think it was really odd. He seemed really nice, and it seemed strange that he would have anything to be nervous about.

The time passed quickly, too quickly, and soon I was home staring at my plain walls. I briefly felt a twinge of sadness deep in my chest when I realized I was back on my own again. Edward's company may have been strained and full of nervous tension on his side, but it was company all the same.

The company of a new person, the company of a man, was something I hadn't experienced in a long time. If anyone should have been nervous, it should have been me! But Edward was far more superior at that than me.

Eventually, I decided to spend my evening with a glass of wine and a good book. But my plans were interrupted by my phone. I grimaced because there was only one person who would phone me in the evening. There was only one person who would call me at all.

I trudged over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello, Bella?" My mom said before I had the chance to say anything. I hated the way she asked. Who else did she think would answer the phone? If she gave me the chance to actually answer the phone, she would know it was me.

"Hi, Mom," I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Bella, you said you were going to call me, you didn't. I was worried." Her shrill voice cut straight through me.

I pressed my fingers to my temples lightly, trying to relieve some of the stress already building from talking to her.

"Sorry, Mom, I've been busy." As soon as I finished that sentence, I knew it was a bad move.

"Busy? With whom? Doing what?" she demanded, and I knew there was no getting out of it. She would hound me with the ferocity of a sniffer dog untill I caved. I had no choice but to spill.

"I have started volunteering in a shop; it's called The Book Exchange."

"The Book Exchange? You don't want to work there. The place is a mess and I have heard the man who runs it is a little odd." I sighed heavily.

"I do want to work there, Mom, and Edward is really nice." I leaned my back against the white wall of the hallway where I was stood and slowly sank to the floor. I knew I was probably going to be there a long time.

"Is he single?" she asked.

I gasped in shock; she really was unbelievable.

"I don't know, Mom, but that's not the point. I have told you already I am not interested in dating right now," I whined.

"Now, Bella, I don't want you to get angry at me. You know I only do these things because I love you, don't you?" I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, I was fairly sure what ever was coming next was not something I wanted to hear.

"What have you done?" I spat a little harsher then she deserved.

"Well, I was in the grocery store yesterday when I bumped into my friend, Billy. You may recall me saying that his son Jacob was newly single?"

I rubbed my hand over my forehead;, I knew where this was going.

"Yes I remember. I also remember saying that I wasn't ready to date yet."

"You cannot wait around forever, Isabella. Give Jacob a chance he is a very nice man," she said stubbornly.

"I wouldn't know, Mother, I've never met him."

"Well that's not going to be a problem. He is picking you up tomorrow at seven o'clock." I jumped up off the floor.

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"Oh, is that the time?" she said in mock surprise "Deary me, doesn't time fly when your chatting. I've got to go. Your Father will be in soon, and you know how irritable he gets if dinner isn't ready. Talk to you later," she said in her sing song voice.

"Don't you ha..." but it was too late; she had already hung up on me.

I tried calling her back, but she didn't answer, and I didn't have this Jacobs phone number so I could call and cancel.

I had no choice...I was going on a date.

**I really hope you like this chapter. Please let me know what you thought. Would you be angry with your Mum if she did that to you? Or do you think it's ok.**

**Thanks for reading : )**

**BTW: I am on Twitter so come follow me Littlestar300 I always follow back and love meeting new people.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to fairusa, Ginginleelee and PTB for Beta'ing this chapter you ladies are great!**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 4

"So, I was like, that's not the point, Sara. I totally told you I was into him first, which means...like...he is off limits, right?" the bottle-blond sales assistant asked her colleague.

"Yea, like totally!" I heard the other girl reply over the blaring dance music.

I didn't know how I was supposed to concentrate on finding a dress with such loud music in the background, yet no one else seemed to have a problem with it. The sales assistants chatted leisurely over the deafening noise and tapped their fake nails and pump-covered feet in time to the beat.

I didn't even recognise the song or the language the young sales assistants spoke in. I felt like a complete fraud.

It had been years since I had been proper clothes shopping. I wasn't even sure what was appropriate for a date these days.

Mike and I had never done the date night thing. We met when we were kids. Dating was not cool but making out in dark corners was, so that's what we did.

I trailed through the racks of clothing, pulling out dresses that seemed even slightly promising. The truth was, I didn't have a clue. I found it embarrassing. I wasn't even 30, and shopping should have been something I was used to, something I found enjoyable, yet I was getting more and more irritated.

Eventually I found a black dress that seemed promising. I may not have known much, but the one thing I was sure of was that you couldn't go wrong with a little black dress. I went, tried it on, and was happy with the result.

It was as simple as a dress could get. It had thin straps, came to just above my knee, and hugged the small amount of curves I had. I wasn't blessed with big breasts and voluptuous hips. I had more of a boyish figure, with a small and rather flat frame. I wasn't perfect, but it could have been much worse. I was pretty happy with what I was given.

I decided that the little black dress was as good as it was going to get.

"_This type of dress was an investment, It will never go out of fashion." _I told myself, even though I didn't really know, but I needed a reason to justify spending my money on a dress.

I wasn't short of cash. Mike was an accountant and had made a good amount of money. When we divorced, he made sure I had enough, but I still didn't like to spend money unnecessarily, especially when I was volunteering and not working.

Reluctantly I bought the dress, knowing that I had to make some kind of effort on the upcoming date.

I was so angry with my mother. She had crossed a line when arranging the date. What did she think she was doing? I wondered if this could be considered grounds for parental divorce. I was sure that most normal people would think it was. She had always been pushy, but she had suddenly, out of nowhere, gotten much worse.

I took my new dress, got on the bus, and headed back to The Book Exchange. I was concerned that the amount of dust in the shop would effect my new purchases and tried thinking of ways to protect it as I stopped in front of the store.

Edward was standing behind the shop window. He had a pile of books in one hand and was running his finger along the spines of the books on the shelf in front of him.

His head was covered by a grey beanie hat, although some of his unruly bronze hair peaked out from the sides. He was wearing the same baggy jeans that he had worn the day I met him, matched with a green sweater.

He was deep in concentration, his brow furrowed as his gaze swept across the books. Clearly he was looking for something.

I stood directly in front of him expecting him to notice me but he didn't. His licked his lips lightly and scratched his jaw, his frown becoming deeper when he couldn't find what he was looking for.

He looked completely different to me in that moment. There was no embarrassment or nerves marring his beautiful face, and even though he was concentrating, he looked relaxed. I couldn't look away after seeing him free like that. He was mesmerising in his own little way.

He turned his head slightly and noticed me standing there, watching. I felt a blush rush to my cheeks when I realised I was caught. He smiled and gave me a little wave, which I returned.

I went to head inside but caught my toe on a crack in the pavement that I had failed to notice. I lurched forward and stumbled. My bag flew out towards the window as my arms rotated trying to find some balance. But it was too late. My knee gave out and I crumbled to the floor.

The pavement was cool against my skin as I lay splayed across the ground. I jumped up as quickly as I could and retrieved the plain white paper bag holding my dress. Edward was standing with both hands on the window, staring at me with his mouth wide open in shock.

I was beyond mortified but managed to brush myself off and head to the door of the shop, resisting the urge to bolt every step of the way. The door swung open as I reached it. I brushed past Edward, not really wanting to face the fact that I had just been caught staring at him then had fallen over...ungracefully.

"Bella, are you okay?" Concern laced his voice, and his eyes visibly searched my body for any sign of injury.

I became even more embarrassed under his scrutinizing gaze. "I'm fine. Really, happens to me all the time."

"Good," he said as his lip curled up into a smile. I could see the laughter bubbling up in his eyes, and I gasped indignantly before smiling back.

"You are not laughing at me, Edward Cullen," I said jokingly. His eyes widened, and I became scared that I had frightened him off and that he was going to revert back to shy Edward.

"No, I'm not," he rushed to say. "It's just that one minute you were there and the next you were... gone," he said, struggling not to laugh.

I could only imagine what it must have looked like from where he was standing. My smile spread wider, and before I knew it both of us were laughing.

I leaned against one of the shelves for stability as tears ran down my cheeks. Edward was doubled over, and in the same condition I was in.

"I'm sorry, it was just the look on your face as you fell," he struggled to say through bouts of hysteria.

My sides hurt and I could barely breathe, but my god it felt good. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time. I had smiled and giggled and laughed, but not like that.

As the laughter died down Edward looked as surprised as I did at our unexpected outburst. We went quietly but happily to work, both of us feeling a little more comfortable in each other's presence.

Edward had provided me with everything I put on the list so I was able to start cleaning. The problem was where to start. Everything was covered in a fine sheen of dust, it clung to every available surface and it was going to be hell to get rid of.

I decided to start at the front window and the small wooden bench under it. This was one of the first things that people would see, so it seemed like a good place to start. Plus Edward was there still sorting through books so I wouldn't be on my own.

We worked in comfortable silence allowing me the time to panic about the date that evening. I must have been radiating nervous tension because Edward noticed.

"Bella, are you okay? You seem really tense," he asked me quietly.

I sighed and sat down heavily on the wooden bench.

"Do your parents ever interfere in your life?" I asked.

He smiled softly, but didn't take his eyes off the books in front of him.

"All the time, my mother especially. She only wants what's best for me so I have learned to deal with it; I would rather her interfere because she cares than her not caring at all."

I nodded. He was right. My mom may be annoying and perhaps arranging the date was a step too far, but she did it out of love.

"I know she does it because she cares but my mom doesn't know when to stop with her meddling. Sometimes she takes it too far."

He turned from the books and looked at me, an eyebrow raised, encouraging me to continue. I took a breath preparing to tell him what she had done but I couldn't.

The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I couldn't tell him that my mother had set me up with a man I had never met. I couldn't tell him that I wasn't ready to go out on a date with Jacob Black, or anyone else for that matter.

I didn't want Edward Cullen to know that I was as lonely, disorganized, and as people starved as he was.

I smiled and looked up at him.

"Oh, it's nothing really. I am probably overreacting."

I turned back to what I was doing and the subject was dropped.

Time seemed to pass slowly just to make my nerves even worse. I wanted the time to go quickly so I could get the damn evening over with, yet at the same time I didn't want it to come at all.

Eventually, though, it did and I was stood outside my apartment building, in the little black dress, waiting for Jacob to turn up.

I decided waiting outside was the best idea. My mom told me he would gladly pick me up at my front door, and even though he was a family friend, he was a stranger to me. I felt more comfortable meeting him outside.

I found myself hoping he wouldn't show, praying that he had put his foot down and refused to go on a date his father had set up for him. That he had been braver then me.

But I was wrong.

"Bella?" a man's deep voice asked, sounding unsure.

I regrettably and slowly pulled my eyes away from the grey steps I was stood on.

And there standing in front of me was Jacob Black.

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**So what do you think, how are Edward and Bella's relationship coming along? Love or hate Bella's mum? Like or dislike Bookward let me know : )**


	5. Chapter 5

**Big thanks to FairUSA and Ginginleelee for beta'ing.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 5

I stood there for a moment and just stared at him. To be honest, it was hard not to.

Jacob Black was tall, a lot taller than me, and big. Not big in a fat way, but big in a muscular way. His skin was tanned, his black hair was short and he had a beaming smile on his face as he looked me over in the same way I was doing to him.

Jacob Black was eye candy. But as gorgeous as he was the date was still something I did not want to go through.

Brad Pitt could have turned up at my door and I probably still would have felt the same: unprepared and unready.

"Bella Swan?" he asked again.

"Um yea, that's me. So you must be Jacob, right?"

He nodded and laughed lightly. "I was so scared that I got the wrong apartment block; thank god it's you."

I joined in with his laughter before it slowly subsided. He coughed lightly to disguise the awkwardness that was starting to seep in.

"So, are you ready?" he asked.

"Sure."

We ended up in a new restaurant not far from where I lived and conversation between us flowed nicely. There was no doubt about it, Jake was a nice guy, a good guy, and he deserved a lot better than being on a date with me.

Most women would have thrown themselves at him. Instead I sat there analyzing every word I said, praying that I hadn't given him the wrong idea, hoping that he had not gotten the wrong impression.

Because, despite how lovely and attractive Jake was, the truth was that I just wasn't interested. At one point I even tried to be interested. I looked at him long and hard and decided that I should give it a go. I should do as my mother said and move on, get a man.

But after an hour I realized that it just wasn't happening. My stomach didn't clench when he smiled so dazzlingly at me. I didn't blush when he would look at me in THAT way.

It wasn't just that I wasn't ready, although that was part of it. It was that I just wasn't interested.

I only hoped that he had seen that too and didn't think the opposite.

In my time panicking about all of these things I actually learned a lot about Jake.

He came originally from a reservation in Washington State and moved to Boston for college. He fell in love with Boston and a girl named Marie and decided to stay. Eventually the love for Marie fizzled out but the love for the city remained.

He worked for an advertising company, something he really didn't like but it paid the bills. He also liked horror movies and rock bands. Both were not my area of expertise but he didn't seem to mind.

The meal was nice, the company great, and it was nice to be out of the house and around people so really I couldn't complain.

Soon the date was over and Jake was pulling over in front of my building, and we both got out of the car. We walked up the small grey steps to the door of my apartment block.

I turned to face him trying to not turn the 'goodbye' section of our evening into something awkward.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Jake, so um, thanks."

Before I could react he swept down and planted his lips on mine. I froze, eyes wide open in shock. His eyes were shut, his dark eyelashes laid delicately on his coffee coloured skin. And I willed myself one more time to enjoy this man.

But nothing was forthcoming, I felt nothing. I decided that I must be emotionally numb. This beautiful creature stood on my steps, with his cushion-like; plump lips on mine, wanting me.

And all I felt was awkwardness. I was clearly crazy.

He didn't try to deepen the kiss or move his body closer to mine. Instead he pulled away and took a step back.

"Bella, you're not into this, are you?" he asked grimacing. I felt bad, I felt awful and couldn't find the words that needed to come out of my mouth. Instead I shook my head, lowering it as I did.

"Hey Bella, it's okay, I kinda got that impression anyway."

I sighed heavily and something inside me snapped.

"No, Jake, it's not okay. I mean, what is wrong with me? What have I done to myself? I let myself marry a man I didn't love, who didn't love me. I mean we thought we did but really we didn't. I let Mike lead our lives and just followed along blindly and now that he is gone I don't know how to live. I am a social reject, a freak of...of... fucking nature. A perfectly nice and attractive man takes me out to dinner and kisses me and I feel nothing! I can't even stand up to my own mother! I don't know what to say to people. I'm a fucking mess."

I slumped down onto the steps and cradled my head in my hands. I didn't know what caused the sudden outburst or why I chose that moment to let it out. Clearly it had been building for a while, just waiting for the right opportunity to burst from my lungs.

I should have been embarrassed I had just spilled a lot of personal information about myself to practically a stranger and I swore... twice. Something I barely ever did.

But I didn't care. I was falling apart at the seams, bits of me were spilling out onto the grey, rough, steps I was sitting on and I was powerless to stop it.

I felt strong hands on my shoulders, "You are not a mess, Bella."

I looked up at Jacob's open and understanding face. He was crouched down to my level, his hands on my skin were anchoring and steadying me. He didn't look freaked out or scared and he didn't look at me with pity or sorrow. He was just Jake.

"What you need, Bella, is a friend and it just so happens I am quite good at that, as well as being devastatingly handsome of course."

I laughed through my tear-soaked eyes. It was impossible not to.

"I am sorry I kissed you, Bella," he said softly.

"Don't be, Jake, thank you for wanting to kiss me."

Although the kiss was unwanted it felt great to know that someone out there still wanted to kiss me. My confidence was at an all time low and the fact that a handsome man wanted me in that way made me feel a lot better. I felt a little guilty at the thought, but I couldn't deny the boost it gave me.

Jacob stood and held his hand out to me.

"Come on you, let's get you inside and get you a coffee."

I reached my hand out to his, his fingers encased mine and held firm as he pulled me up strongly. I felt like I was being dragged out of churning water that I was slowly drowning in.

I had only just met Jake but I knew I could trust him, knew he would keep his word to be a friend and nothing else. I wanted to hug him, bury my head in his black jacket and sob not just for myself, but for him being so great in that moment. But I resisted. There was really no need to embarrass myself more than I already had that evening.

Instead we went upstairs, I made coffee and we sat side-by-side on my black leather couch and stared at the blank white walls.

We were comfortably silent as we gazed at the starkness of my living area.

"I'm going to guess that the decor was the choice of your ex-husband. You don't seem like a bland kinda girl," Jacob noted, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes, Mike's taste is rather...sterile" I replied, searching for the right words to describe his awful taste.

"I'm not going to lie. I hate it, always have, but I never said anything," I muttered.

Suddenly Jacob slammed his mug down on the glass coffee table in front of us. I jumped, surprised by the sudden movement.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked. I frowned and confusion laced my brow. I had no idea where his sudden excitement had come from, but he was looking at me with a goofy, smiley face which later I would associate with trouble making.

"I volunteer from one till three but nothing else. Why?"

"Good!" He said as he jumped off my sofa and started hurrying to the door. I hastily followed wondering what the hell was going on.

He swung open my front door and then turned to face me.

"I will be back here 7am, make sure you're up," he said, the cheeky grin still firmly in place.

"Um okay, why?"

He rested his hands on my shoulders again and made sure I was listening.

"Because, Isabella Swan, it's time for you to start living and I know the perfect way to start. I have to go, I have lots to do," he leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead and playfully ruffled my hair. Then he left.

I stuck my head out the door and watched him bounce away.

"Seven o'clock, Swan, be ready" he said as he waited for the elevator to come.

"For what?" I shouted after him.

The only response I received was laughter before he disappeared from view.

I returned inside and leaned up against my door after I closed it. I ran through the events of the evening, completely overwhelmed and perplexed. I had no idea what he was talking about or what was going to happen the next day.

Yet with all the confusion swirling round my head I couldn't help but smile.

Jacob Black was definitely going to make my life more interesting.

~x0x~

I was woken up the next morning by my alarm, which was doing a happy dance on my dresser. It hadn't been used in a while and was clearly cheered by its re-establishment in my life.

I stumbled out of bed and slammed my hand down on the chirpy, black alarm clock. I wasn't used to getting up this early in the morning. Without a job or a husband there seemed little point.

I managed to navigate my way into the kitchen, stubbing my toe only once on the way. I blindly started preparing coffee. I was useless without it in the morning.

My sleep-clouded mind started thinking about what Jacob Black could possibly be up to. I was nervous, the last words he said to me shone in bold, boisterous letters in my brain. "_It's time to start living."_

I was excited, yet half-petrified.

This was the hardest thing when you found yourself in a rut. You knew it was bad for you, knew it was wrong and something you needed to get out of. You fought for it, yearned for freedom from it. But when the time comes you realise that the deep, desolate rut you've found yourself in is pretty damn comfortable.

It would be so easy to bask in the glory of such comfortableness, to spend your energy digging your self a deeper hole instead of climbing out of it.

I knew I had to climb, I could no longer wallow.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud rap on my door.

I staggered over with my coffee and opened it.

Jacob stood there looking fresh as a daisy. He was bouncing up and down excitedly and had a huge grin on his face.

I did not share his enthusiasm. How anyone was that energised early in the morning was beyond me.

He looked me over and the grin got bigger.

"Nice PJ's," he said mockingly.

I looked down at my Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, then looked back up at him.

"Do you realise how close I am to slamming this door in your face and going back to bed?"

He laughed and pushed his way past me and into my apartment. I closed the door and turned to him.

He sat on my sofa laying coloured pieces of card on the glass table.

"What are we playing? Snap?"

"Haha," he responded while patting the seat next to him. I strolled over and sat down.

"My flatmate is a painter and decorator and he has generously given me access to his supply of paint, so we are going to decorate this place. Your new life starts here, you have to be comfortable in your surroundings and let's face it: only shrinks and sociopaths could be comfortable here, no offence to your ex or anything,"

"None taken," I replied before sighing heavily.

"Look, Jake, I really appreciate this but I don't want to put you out, or your housemate. It's so nice of you to think of this but you don't have to do it. I know that last night I got a little... emotional but you don't have to feel sorry for me. I'll figure it out on my own."

I sounded a lot surer than I felt; I hated being a burden and I hated sympathy even more.

Jacob calmly turned his body more to face me.

"Okay, first off: I don't feel sorry for you, let's make that clear straight away. Secondly, my flatmate has shitloads of paint so he won't even notice some is missing. I want to do this because I need a friend as much as you do and because I want to help you help yourself and because I really, really like painting."

I snorted then laughed.

"So are we going to do this?" he asked hopefully.

I looked at him and his puppy dog eyes went wide. It was impossible to say no to him. Besides, I really did need to redecorate.

"Go on then, lets do it."

His smile if possible, expanded, he clapped his hands together then rubbed them. He was ready to get to work.

"Brilliant, okay so these are the colours we have to go with. I say we start in here with the living room. So pick what you want."

I looked over the assorted rainbow laid out in front of me. It was a crescendo of different colours. Greens, blues and reds. Yellows, oranges and magentas. Purples, browns and tans. I looked over them all, thinking about what would suit me best. Eventually my eyes landed on a light blue.

It was bright but subtle, rich but soft and definitely my taste. I reached forward and picked it up.

"We have a winner!" he said plucking the smooth card from my hand. "Right,go and change into some old clothes then meet me down stairs by the van and we will get started."

"You have a van?"

"Well it's Seth's, my flatmate's van, but he knows I took it so it's cool. Now move it, we don't have long." He stood, grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

I shook my head at him.

"Has anyone ever questioned whether you have ADD or something?" I said jokingly as I headed to my room.

"Hahaha Bella's funny" he shouted as he literally skipped out my door.

I tied my hair up into a messy bun and changed into some old black leggings and one of Mike's old shirts. It was far too big for me, but it was comfortable and definitely suitable for painting in.

After I changed I headed down to meet Jake.

When I got there he was waiting. He carried the paint and I took a bag full off all the other stuff we would need.

My insides were tingling and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I couldn't wait to get started.

By midmorning we had gotten quite far. It didn't take us long to lay the sheets down - to protect my floor - sort out the paint, and get going.

Things were going well. Jake and I laughed and joked and sang loudly along to the radio I put on. It felt amazing to have some company, to be doing something different with someone new. Something that seemed to be happening more and more often. First with Edward, then with Jake.

I was surprised at how easily Jake and I got along, it was never awkward and I never felt he had ulterior motives. I was having a great time, till the phone started ringing.

I jogged over and picked up the phone.

"Hello."

"Bella, is that you?" my mother's shrill voice asked. I bit back a groan.

"Yes Mom, it's me.."

"What is that noise in the background, is that a man?" Jake was still singing in the background probably thinking he was being quiet enough, not realising my mother had the hearing of a hawk.

"Oh, it's Jake."

"Bella! You were supposed to go on a date with him, not open your legs for him," she said in a highly damning tone, made to make me know she was disappointed in me. My mouth opened in shock momentarily before I prepared to defend myself. I couldn't believe she said that.

"Jesus Mother, how could you say that?" I wailed. She tutted lightly.

"Bella, you know I don't like it when you take the Lord's name in vain. There is absolutely no need for it."

I did a tense little dance around my hallway of rage and frustration. The woman was too much sometimes.

"Okay sorry, listen, Jake is here helping me paint my apartment, he went home last night and came back this morning," I said as calmly as I could muster.

"So your date went well then?" she asked coyly. I could sense the achievement she felt pouring out of her every word.

"Jake and I are not dating, Mom. We decided last night that we'd be better off as friends."

She sighed softly, "Well at least you gave it a go. That's all I can ask. A friend is better than nothing... Maybe a friend would be better then a boyfriend, anyway. And I'm so glad you're finally changing that ghastly apartment of yours. That Mike had very odd taste, it's all rather... sterile," she said, her tone a lot softer than before.

I held back a giggle when she used the same word to describe Mike's taste as I had done when talking to Jake the night before.

"I know you were upset with me, Bella, for setting up that date for you and, well, I'm sorry. I spoke to your father earlier and he made me see that it may not have been the best decision."

I grinned again. My father was not a serious man and I was always a daddy's girl. Where my mother pushed and meddled my dad spoke and encouraged. I could just see how the argument about this would have gone.

"I'm going to try to meddle less. You know I only do it because I worry, don't you? And because I love you."

Her voice was frail, she was not comfortable with apologizing. She was not a women to be told she had done wrong. But when she had to, her apologies were always full of meaning and honesty. She did a lot wrong but I could never be angry with her for long.

"I know, Mom, I love you too, but I would appreciate it if you didn't set me up on any other dates."

"I won't, I promise. So how is this little job of yours going?" she asked.

I felt my lips curl up. "It's going really well, thanks."

"Oh that's good, it's probably good for you to get out and about a bit more. And the man, Edward, what's he like?" She asked the question in a friendly tone, a tone that I recognised. She didn't want to know if he was nice, she wanted to know if he was future son-in-law material.

"Mother," I warned.

"Alright, alright, I'll leave well alone. I'll see you for lunch this Friday?"

"Of course."

"Good, don't forget to open your windows tonight, you don't want to be breathing in those paint fumes in your sleep, who knows what that would do to your lungs."

"Yes, Mom."

"Ok, well I better go. See you soon, dear."

"Bye."

We hung up. I stood there for a little while and couldn't help but smile before running back in and joining Jake.

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**So what do you think about Jake? Love or hate him?**

**Reviews are appreciated but I am not going to force you : )**


	6. Chapter 6

**Big thanks to FairUSA and Ginginleelee for beta'ing.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 6

That afternoon I walked into the shop with an extra spring in my step. I stormed happily through the front door, making Edward jump slightly.

I was feeling better than I had in months. It may have just been a bit of paint, but to me it was a whole different thing. The colour on my walls was equal to the feeling inside of me. I was bursting with energy, with life, and it felt amazing.

"Afternoon, Edward, how are you today?" I asked cheerfully.

"I, um... I am good, thanks, you?" he asked awkwardly.

"I am great." I went and put my stuff down at the back, then joined him out in the front.

We went about our normal routine, cleaning and chatting amiably. I was cleaning the dust from each of the shelves while Edward returned the books to the one I had cleaned before.

I could see Edward staring at me from the corner of my eye. He was frowning and looked perplexed. I started to get concerned that there was something wrong with me, when suddenly Edward was a lot closer to me than he was before. He was staring at my neck and I was staring at him, wondering what was happening. His hand reached forward towards my skin.

"You have something," he murmured before his fingertip made contact with the side of my neck. My skin instantly burst into bloom, goosebumps spread from the site all over my body and I repressed a shiver. I could feel the heat spreading to my cheeks as his fingers plucked something from my skin.

He retreated quicker than he came, on his fingertip lay a small, chalky piece of paint. We both stared at it for longer than we should have. Both avoiding what had just happened. I was confused by my reaction to his touch.

He instantly paled and looked mortified that he had touched me in the first place. I knew I had to push away my thoughts. I had worked hard to get that far with Edward, worked hard to make him more comfortable around me.

I tore my eyes away from the blue speck lying gently on his skin and looked up to him. I offered him my most dazzling smile, causing him to gulp ever so slightly.

"Thanks, Edward, I must have looked like an idiot on the bus with that on me. I'm painting my apartment and the stuff just gets everywhere."

"Oh well..um...sure. Sorry if I invaded your space there, I was..." he began stuttering.

"Oh don't worry, Edward, I would rather have you remove it than let me go the rest of the day with it clinging there."

"Oh..good...um it's a nice colour by the way," he said as he turned back to his shelf.

"Thanks. I got divorced recently and decided that it was time for a change, you know? It was so much like Mike and I need it to be like me now." He turned to me with a shocked expression.

"You were married?" he asked.

"Yep, straight out of high school. It obviously didn't work out. But you know, it happens," I said, shrugging.

"So, you're redecorating? Was that your partner's idea or you just wanted a change?" he asked quietly, in the same way my mother did when she was fishing for information. I smiled lightly and shook my head.

"No, just for me, I don't have a boyfriend... You seeing anyone?" I couldn't help adding at the end. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided that I really wanted to know.

"No, I don't...I...no." I nodded and grinned as his face started to redden. I really had to fight a giggle. It was hard sometimes not to laugh at Edward's nervousness. He was just so unsure of himself and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

He seemed to stutter his way through life. It made me wonder if he had ever had a girlfriend or had been in a proper relationship. Maybe it just took him a while to get to know people. Or maybe he was always like that. I couldn't help but be curious, but I got the feeling that asking questions would scare him so much he would have a panic attack or something.

I was also trying to assess my reaction when he had touched me. We went back to work, but the thoughts still plagued my mind.

When Jake had kissed me the night before I felt nothing resembling what I felt when Edward's fingertip brushed my skin. The feeling was indescribable, as was the way I reacted to it. It was like an avalanche cascading through my body, the source from where his skin had brushed mine. It travelled quickly to the tips of my toes. They had unexpectedly curled inside my sneakers when the waves finally reached them.

I discretely looked over at Edward quite a few times as we worked, asking myself, _Do I fancy him?_ I didn't think so. The man was attractive, there was no doubt about that, but I was sure I didn't fancy him.

In the end I put it down to the fact that he was so awkward and nervous that it simply radiated off of him onto me, making me more tense than I should have been, and possibly more receptive.

I looked around the shop, we still had so much to do, in fact, we hadn't even scratched the surface. I knew when I walked into the Boston Book Exchange that the clean-up would be a big job, but I don't think I hadn't realised how big.

The place was a mess - dusting, wiping and polishing just wasn't going to cut it. The brown floor boards were scratched, dirty and damaged. The small amount of paint you could see behind the shelves was cracked and peeling.

I knew it was time to get down to business, to really transform the place and to bring Edward along with it.

Soon the afternoon had passed by and I was preparing to leave. It was my last day in the shop till Monday. I was sadder than I thought I would be. I would not be back there for 3 days, which meant I would be back to my boring day-to-day life.

I had lunch with my mother, and Jake was coming on Sunday to help me paint some more, but apart from that I had nothing planned.

I shrugged on my jacket and sorted through my bag. I was stalling, not wanting to leave, not wanting to be alone again.

I turned to look over at Edward who was still returning books to their rightful places.

"So, um, I'm going to go then," I said.

He turned around and smiled at me.

"OK, thanks for this week, Bella, I hope I haven't scared you off," he said shyly.

"Edward, you couldn't scare me off. I'm the scary one, coming in covered in paint and falling over all the time, but I'll be here on Monday if you would still like that?"

The corner of his lips lifted more and suddenly he was beaming at me. "Of course I want you back," he said.

I nodded as we smiled goofily at one another.

"Well, I better go then."

"OK, have a nice weekend, Bella," he said quietly.

"Yeah you, too, Edward."

I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder, turned around and headed out of the shop. It was a cold day, and the wind flooded down the street and hit me head on. There was a chill in the air that sank deep into my bones.

It was irrational to feel so sad about not being somewhere for all of three days, but for some reason that's how I felt.

I caught the bus home, listening to the old ladies chatting about the weather, their grandchildren and how terrible it was that the price of gas had gone up yet again.

I looked at their faces, aged with laughter and tears, aged with the full lives they had lead and I wondered if that would ever be me.

Would I be sitting on the bus with my friends, showing around pictures of my new grandchild, or was I destined to remain as I was, alone, forced into buying loads of cats for company?

When I got home the smell of paint instantly assaulted my nose. I looked around my living room. One wall was a beautiful light blue, the fading sun hit it and instantly brightened my room. I couldn't help but smile.

Maybe I was destined to be a cat lady, but I was beginning to realise that the choice was mine. If I wanted to I could have all the things those women had on the bus. The joy of a grandchild, the lines on my face caused by laughter and not frowns and friends that I could share the day-to-day disappointments of life with.

I was only beginning to realise that life wasn't just about what fate threw at you, it was also about the choices you made, the dreams you followed and the people your heart chose to love.

My life wasn't over. In fact, it was just beginning.

**Big thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and favourited this story, it really means the world to me and I cannot thank you enough.**

**So what do you think of the progression in Bella and Edwards relationship? You like it, or don't like it? Do you want more?**

**I have some rec's for you guys. Lately I have found two stories that have literally driven me crazy by how amazing they are. Check them out and give the Authors some love, they truly deserve it.**

**First is Under The Red Umbrella by Buff82 which is the best one – shots I think I have ever read, it only has 45 reviews which is criminal!**

**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6278484/1/**

**Second is Ruthless And Ivory by MujerN, this WIP is unlike anything I have read before, I just love it, so check it out.**

**www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5500079/1/**

**Remember to replace (dot) with .**


	7. Chapter 7

**Big thanks to Fairusa and Ginginleelee for being the best beta's ever. Another huge thank you to SammieLynnsMom for rec'ing this little story in her much bigger one and for being the greatest supporter I could ask for.**

Loves' Little Book

Chapter 7

"So what is he like then?" my mother asked.

"What's who like?"

"Don't play coy, Bella, it doesn't suit you. What's Edward Cullen like? You wouldn't answer me the other day on the phone."

I rolled my eyes and watched as she took a bite of her scone. She pulled a disgusted face as she chewed, which she did every week. Yet she continued to order the same thing week in, week out.

"How is your scone, mom?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"It's alright, a bit stale. Although I do wish they would serve proper butter instead of margarine. I know there is an obesity problem in this country, but a scone should be served with butter... Anyway, Isabella Swan, you are changing the subject."

She looked at me expectantly and I sighed.

"He is nice, but really shy and he struggles in social situations, yet his heart is in the right place. He is disorganised and kinda scruffy, but it suits him. He really is a nice guy."

She was giving me the look, the slightly squinty '_I am trying to read Bella's mind_'look. I realised that I was smiling a lot more than I probably should be. I stopped immediately and looked back down at the tablecloth, hoping there was something there to distract me. There wasn't.

"You like him?" mom said coyly.

I looked back up at her. "Yes, I do, but not in the way you think. He could be a friend. I am not about to force him into a tux and drag him down the aisle, so don't get any ideas."

"You can be awfully defensive, dear. I was only inquiring about your new boss," she said innocently. I could feel my eye begin to twitch in irritation, but instead of lashing out I took a few deep breaths.

"Well, now you know. He is great, thank you."

She smiled at me. It was a knowing smile, a smile only a mother could give her daughter.

"I'm glad. He could have been beastly for all I knew and I am happy that you seem to be enjoying it. I am very proud of you," she said as she reached over and laid her hand lightly on top of mine.

She squeezed my hand slightly before removing it to pick up her scone as she continued to talk about her week.

The rest of Friday and Saturday passed without excitement. I shopped for food and did some more painting.

I was excited when Jacob turned up on Sunday to help continue with the decorating. It was slow work on my own and Jacob seemed to know what he was doing much more than I did.

After catching up we got to work.

"Hey, Jake, I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?" I asked.

I stopped what I was doing and looked over at him, not noticing that my paint brush was dripping paint all over the floor coverings.

"Sure, Bells, what do you need?"

He took the paint brush from my hand, smiling, and placed his and mine in the paint tray on the floor before leaning on the stool that we were using to stand on when we needed to paint higher than we could reach.

"You know I was saying that I am volunteering in a shop?" He nodded.

"Well, we need to redo the whole place, so I need to get some paint and a floor sander amongst other things and I was wondering if you could ask your flatmate if I could borrow the van one day? Please feel free to say no, I wouldn't mind at all." I bit my lip and looked at him hopefully.

I knew that I was asking for a lot and I had been thinking about asking the whole weekend, constantly changing my mind about whether I should or not. I didn't want to throw the help Jake had given me back in his face but I also wanted to get started on the shop.

In the end I figured if you don't ask you don't get and thought it would do no harm.

"Sure, I don't see why not. I'll call him and find out when he is not using it." He stood and stretched out his long limbs. He walked over to his jacket that was thrown over my sofa and started rummaging through the pockets. Finally he pulled out a cell phone. He waved it at me slightly, causing me to grin, before exiting the room to make the call.

I continued painting and waited patiently for him to come back. I was really happy that I had found Jake. In the small space of time that I had known him he had really impacted my life in a very positive way. He was the type of friend that would always be there no matter what, and I really needed someone like that in my life.

Moments later he returned. He threw his phone back on his jacket and sat down where he was sitting before. I put the paint brush down and faced him, waiting for the outcome.

"Okay, so the good news is that Seth said you are more than welcome to use the van. The bad news is that he has a big job starting Tuesday and so the only time he will not be using it in the next two weeks is tomorrow."

I bit my lip and looked at him for help. I really wanted to get started at the shop but knew that getting everything prepared for the next day would be difficult.

"So we have two choices. You can wait a few weeks, giving yourself time to get everything together, or we can call some rental companies and raid Seth's paint supply and hope that we get everything you need. What do you want to do?"

I grinned at him. Without even realising it he had taken control of the situation for me. I didn't necessarily need the help, but it was nice to be cared for and thought of. I decided instead of arguing with him over the fact that he had taken over, I would just leave him to it. If it wasn't for Jake calling Seth I wouldn't have a van or any paint, so I decided that I would let him off the hook, just this once.

I thought about what he was asking and the answer for me was pretty simple. I had to get on with changing that shop. Not just for Edward, but also for me, to prove that I could change things.

"Right, okay, then I suppose we should go find a rental shop because this just can't wait," I said.

He hit me with a wide smile, one that I had come to associate with excitement. "Awesome! Let's go."

Jake had brought his car and it wasn't long before we were striding across the parking lot of Sudbary Taylor Rentals.

It was clear that I was way outside my normal area of interest the minute we walked in. All around me were machines that were made for God knows what. They looked more like implements for torture than DIY tools. Jake looked at me and laughed. The fact that I was slightly uncomfortable must have shown on my face. I swatted his arm and narrowed my eyes at him playfully.

I was about to say something sarcastic to him when a man appeared in front of us. "Hello, my name is Jim. Is there anything I can help you with today?"

Jim was a small man with a very round protruding belly that was covered in a blue checked shirt, tucked into smart black slacks. He was balding and wore thick-rimmed glasses that rested on his chubby red cheeks. He was smiling his best customer service smile.

"I want to rent a floor sander, but I don't really know what I am looking for," I said.

"No problem, ma'am, that is exactly what we are here for. Now, is the floor in question just regular floor boards?" he asked.

"Yes," I nodded, hoping I was right. They looked like regular floor boards to me.

"Brilliant. Now, if you to would like to follow me, I will show you what we have available."

Jim lead us through the maze of complicated looking equipment to the floor sanders. He stopped next to a machine and proudly put his hand on it.

"This is the Varathane ezV floor sander. The ezV is a 3-head random orbital sander that uses 7-inch sandpaper discs that we would, of course, supply," he said like a father showing off his son.

What he had said made no sense to me at all, sounding like a foreign language to me. I turned my eyes away from Jim and looked at the sander. I figured that I would find more answers there than with him.

It had a long red handle, similar to a vacuum cleaner but a lot thicker. There was a long, wide, grey tube connecting the handle to what looked like a large mushroom. The base was pure white and the top red to match the handle. It was all attached to a trolley with large grey wheels so that you could easily move it around.

_Surely it can't be that hard to use, _I thought.

I turned to Jim. "The floor I need to sand is quite dirty and damaged. Will this sander be able to fix that?" I asked confidently as though I knew all there was to know about floor sanders.

I heard Jake snort with laughter beside me. I narrowed my eyes at him, but it just caused his smile to grow larger.

"Yes ma'am, the ezV is one of the most high performance machines we have here."

I rested my finger on my chin and nodded thoughtfully as though I was trying to decide if the ezV was the right machine for me. But, honestly, I didn't have a clue.

"Does it create a mess?" I asked, thinking about the amount of dust it could add to the already overwhelmed shop.

"No, that grey tube there sucks it all up. It sands and cleans" Jim replied, becoming prouder by the minute.

In truth, like I said, I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but I knew it needed to be done. It looked as good and as easy as any other sander around us.

"Okay, I will take it, thank you," I said smiling. It was my turn to feel really proud of myself.

"That's brilliant, ma'am. I promise you, you will not be disappointed. If you would like to follow me to the desk, we can sort out all the paperwork."

Half an hour later we were walking out again. I had an extra spring in my step and was extremely happy. I only hoped that Edward would be too. He had said that I could do whatever I needed to make the place better. I was pretty sure he trusted me and I would not let that go to waste.

Jake was going to pick the sander up in the morning in Seth's van, then drive to my apartment. From there we were going straight to The Boston Book Exchange, after which Jake was going to get to work. It was a brilliant plan that, despite the lack of time and planning, had all gone extremely well.

I just had to hope that Edward wouldn't mind me turning up in the morning with a vanload of equipment and an excited Jake.

_~x0x~_

When I left my apartment the next morning, Jacob was waiting. He stood up against the white van with his arms crossed over his wide chest. He was wearing a white shirt with black slacks, tie and jacket.

He looked very professional, but it wasn't the Jake I was used to, it didn't suit his bubbly personality.

"Looking very smart today, Mr. Black," I said.

He looked me over from head to toe and smiled.

"I could say the same about you." I frowned and looked down at myself. I was wearing light blue jeans and a tight flowery shirt. To me I looked no different than any other day.

"What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed.

"You look very nice for someone who will be decorating all day and I am pretty sure I see mascara and lip gloss as well."

Okay, he had caught me. Maybe I was looking a little nicer than I needed to look that day. There was no reason behind it. At least, I didn't think there was. I just wanted to look nice. What was wrong with that?

"So, what is wrong with looking nice at work?" I said defensively.

"It just doesn't seem like something you would normally do and I know it is not for my benefit. I have seen you, who knows how many times this week and you have never dressed up like that, apart from our date of course. So the question is, Bella, who are you trying to impress?"

I looked at him indignantly and spluttered a little before I replied.

"Jacob Black, you may think you know me, but don't forget that it has indeed been only a week, so you really don't know that much about me at all. I want to look nice and professional at work, the same as you do in your suit."

"I understand that looking presentable for work is important, I just didn't think it would matter given that you will be sanding and painting all day."

My hands were resting on my hips and I was looking at him using my harshest glare.

To my annoyance he smiled, then defensively raised his hands.

"Alright, Bella, I'm sorry. Shall we go?" I nodded and walked around to the other side of the van.

On the way over I wound the window down and let my hand hang out of it, loving the way the breeze ran between my fingers. I leaned my head on my arm and contemplated Edward's possible reaction to me turning up so early in the morning, way before I was supposed to be there.

It was too late to change things; the sander was rented and paid for. It was being picked up on Friday for a little extra cost, so it had to be done that week.

The van was full of tools and paint and varnish that Jake had gathered up for me. The Boston Book Exchange was about to undergo a massive change.

We pulled up outside the shop. I swung my door open and jumped out. I had missed it, the three days I was gone felt a lot longer than that.

I rushed in, scaring the life out of Edward who was trying to sort through some of the piles of books that were laying on the floor.

He looked up at me, startled. "Bella!" he said in shock.

I couldn't stop the huge smile from appearing on my face. I had missed the Boston Book Exchange, but had a feeling I missed Edward more. My smile was clearly infectious; soon enough Edward was beaming a smile right back at me.

We stood there silently for a moment, just smiling goofily at one another till a polite cough interrupted us. I turned to look at Jake who stood next to me. I had completely forgotten about him.

"Oh, um, Edward, this is my friend Jake. I bought some stuff to clean this place up and he gave me a ride over here."

Jake stomped forward as only Jake could and held his hand out to Edward. Edward hesitated momentarily before taking Jake's hand and shaking it lightly. He was clearly uncomfortable in Jake's presence, and Jake, noticing, backed away to my side.

"I am going to go and start unpacking some of this stuff," he said quietly before walking out.

"Um... it is great to see you, but why are you here? It's hours before you normally start." I bit my lip nervously and noticed his eyes follow the movement.

"Well, I was thinking over the weekend that we aren't making much progress with this place and that it is time to really get started. I will try not to get in the way and if you are not comfortable or are unhappy with me doing this, please just say so. This is your business, Edward, not mine. If I am overstepping my boundaries, please, tell me."

He smiled. "Bella, the only thing I am concerned about is you using your free time to do this. I don't want you to feel obliged to do that." I laughed lightly.

"Literally, Edward, I have nothing better to do with my time. I like being here anyway..." I trailed off quietly.

"Well, I like you being here too," he almost whispered. My smile widened even more and I felt heat fill my cheeks. I knew that I was blushing.

"And, um... you look really nice today." He looked surprised that he had said that, then started blushing as madly as I imagined I was. I lowered my eyes to the floor, suddenly feeling shy.

"Thanks, Edward." I heard a small snort from behind me and turned to glare at Jake who had piled up all the stuff we needed by the door. He rocked on his heels slightly, trying not to grin.

"So, I have to go to work. It was nice to meet you, Edward," he said politely.

"Yeah, you, too, Jacob. Thanks for, uh... helping." Jake nodded and walked out. I followed behind him. He turned to me and raised his eyebrows in question.

"What?" I asked.

He grinned and shook his head. "Nothing, Bella. I'll call you soon and we will carry on with your painting." He jumped in the van and the engine roared to life.

"Hey, Jake," I called, and he looked over at me. "Thanks." He gave me a wink before putting the van in gear and driving off.

I walked back in to find Edward looking at all the stuff I had brought with me. It was quite a lot.

He looked up at me and grinned, seeming surprised but also pleased.

"So, I promised my mom that I would meet her for coffee this morning. I am really sorry but I have to go. Obviously, had I known you were coming I would have arranged to meet her another time. I can't get out of it," he said as he slowly stood up, a grimace on his face. I knew exactly how he felt.

"That's ok, Edward. I will be fine here on my own, if you don't mind, that is." I was hoping that he wouldn't mind me being in the shop on my own. I knew I didn't look like someone who would steal, but I couldn't blame him if he was cautious.

"Of course I don't mind. Are you sure you will be ok on your own?" he said, looking back again at everything I had brought.

"I will be fine, Edward, stop worrying." He smiled, then stomped to the back of the shop.

I frowned, wondering what he was doing. Moments later he returned with a piece of paper in hand. He stopped in front of me and held it out. I smiled and took it from it. His name and phone number were written in neat handwriting on the crisp white paper.

"I want you to put that number in your phone so that if you have a problem you can call me. Also, you will be able to warn me if you choose to turn up early again... I don't want to leave you here alone." He had started talking confidently, but by the end he was almost whispering.

For the briefest moments I thought it was because he didn't trust me, but then I looked up at his face, which was temptingly close to mine, and realised it had nothing to do with trust. He didn't want me to be there on my own, because he wanted to be there with me.

I let out a shallow breath that I didn't know I was holding and continued to look up at him. He was looking at me too, his green eyes boring a hole in mine. He swallowed hard and I noticed his adam's apple bob heavily in his throat.

The temperature in the room had shot up, the chilliness of the morning forgotten as he looked down on me. I felt even more tension roll off him in waves and for just one second I was sure he was going to reach out and touch me.

I was shocked to discover that I wanted him to, I wanted to feel his hand lightly caress my face, wanted to feel his skin touch mine. I didn't want him to swoop down and kiss me passionately, but I wanted to be touched. I wanted that contact and I wanted it from him.

My stomach ached where I was tensing it so tightly and I couldn't breath without it seeming weak and shuddery.

And then as quickly as it had begun the spell was broken.

He stepped away from me, blushing and looking anywhere but my face.

"I... ah... I had better go," he said shakily before he bolted for the door, catching his toe on the sander in his haste to get away.

He stumbled, but caught himself before he fell. He didn't even look back to see my reaction and before I could say anything he was gone, out the door.

I stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to move. The shop was completely silent; there was not a sound. Just me, and the dust, and the books. I didn't like it. I knew that Edward and I didn't make much noise when we were there together, but without him the shop felt desolate.

I thought back to the moment that had just passed between us. I racked my brain, trying to work out what had happened and why. We both needed something in that moment, needed the contact of another human being so much that all boundaries flew out the window.

Nothing had really happened, yet everything had. I knew I could get over it, knew I could sweep it under the rug, but I wasn't sure Edward could.

I hoped that we hadn't just taken a big step backwards.

I prayed that nothing between us would change.

But maybe it had, maybe the effects were irreversible.

Maybe everything had changed.

.

.

.

.

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and favourited this story. I love you all.**

**I hope that this chapter was longer for you all I know the last one was horrifyingly short.**

**So what do you think? Do you like the direction Bella and Edward are going in? Do you like Jake? Let me know : )**

**I am going to try something new for me, every reviewer will get a teaser from the next chapter. I am not promising to do this every time, but I would like to try it.**

**Your reviews are like Pfach covered in chocolate. Not that I have ever imagined him covered in chocolate or anything *cough, cough***

**Recs: End Island by xlavendermoonx, this WIP is incredible it is a really well written mystery/romance. I strongly suggest you check it out.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6380184/1/**

**Pistols and Petticoats by saltire884. You are probably reading this western already, if not you should because it is nail bitingly great.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6294495/1/**

**remember to take out the (dots) and replace them with .**

**: )**

**x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to Fairusa for her help, and to everyone who has been supportive and lovely over on Twitter, you ladies know who you are : )**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 8

I decided the only way to stop the thoughts running wildly through my head was to get on with what I had come in early to do.

I could have spent hours standing there, questioning why I wanted him to touch me, if our relationship had changed, and whether Edward would ever get over it, but it wouldn't change a thing. In fact, thinking too much about it would only make the situation worse.

It was clear to me that I was the stronger person in our relationship, whatever it was. Not in a horrible way, but I was just more open to people than he was, which had never been the case before. I was normally the quiet, shy one. I was slightly nervous at the prospect of being the dominant person, but at the same time found it all exhilarating as well. I had asked for change in my life and I was getting it. I could hardly complain.

I really liked Edward, I liked the ease I felt around him, the quiet companionship he provided and the softness of his nature. I could not lose that and I wouldn't let that happen.

Whatever state Edward came back in, I would deal with it and make sure we stayed exactly the way we were before, which was moving forward and not backward. I was pretty sure that he needed someone as much as I did, and I wanted to be that person for him.

With that decided I moved on to the bigger task of sorting out the shop.

I decided the best place to start the shop's renovation would be in the back room. The room where I first met Edward, when I was looking for something, anything to help me out of the life I was living. It seemed like a fitting place to start.

I started by moving all the books off the book cases, then I moved the cases themselves. After that I moved the desk and tried not to lose or ruin all of Edwards unorganized and rumpled papers. By the end I was pretty much blocking off the entrance of the shop with all the books and clutter I was moving out. I knew that the chances of anyone coming into the shop would be slim, and just hoped that this would not be the day that someone needed a book.

After I had moved everything out I swept the floor, making it ready for what it was about to endure.

I dragged the sander over, plugged it in, and took a deep breath.

"Come on Bella, it can't be that hard," I said out loud in the hopes of calming myself down.

I turned the machine on and all thoughts of Edward fled my mind as I was dragged across the shop. I let out a little yelp that would not have been heard over the roaring of the sander.

It had a mind of its own, and turned into some kind of raging beast. I was pulled diagonally across the room and the sander wedged itself into the corner. It seemed to move back and forth trying desperately to get through the wall. I was panicking, my hands slipping on the handle, trying to turn the damn thing off. I was scared that I was going to sand a hole right through the floor. The constant banging noise it created as it headbutted the wall both reminded me of the seriousness of the situation I was in, and made it impossible to concentrate on turning the damn thing off.

Eventually, to my great relief, I found the off-button and the machine died in front of me I let out a shaky breath and looked around nervously praying that nobody had witnessed my embarrassing display.

Thankfully there was no one there, and I sighed in relief.

I was so happy that Edward had gone to meet his mother. If he had been there to witness me wrestling the sander and losing, I would have been beyond mortified. I was pretty sure I would have never been able to show my face at The Boston Book Exchange again.

Although my first try at the sander had not gone so well, I was undeterred. I was determined to get the job done and I would be damned if I let a sander get the better of me. I was not a quitter anymore, I was the new me and I would not be defeated by a silly machine.

I wheeled the contraption away from the corner and grimaced when I saw the state of the floor. The sander had done its job pretty well. There was a bright, light, perfect circle marking the floor, surrounded by a sea of deep, dirty, brown.

I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to sand the whole floor to the same extent as that little patch. It would have taken me weeks!

I came to terms with the fact that when Edward came back I would have to explain why there was a perfect circle scratched into his floor, and I hoped that he would not be too angry or upset with me. I wanted to prove to him that I was a good person to have around; damaging his shop was probably not a good way to do that.

I decided not to think about that as well, and moved back to the middle of the room. I was becoming the queen of avoidance.

I took another deep breath and prepared to start again. I turned it on, and again it tried to drag me across the floor, but knowing what to expect, I was wise to its tactics. After a little while and a lot of struggle on my part I finally got the beast under control. It took a lot of concentration and time, but it worked.

Every time I pushed the machine over the floor a new, paler piece of wood was exposed to me. The grime and muck was stripped off the old boards and was replaced with a bright, gleaming youthfulness.

My heart seized up slightly as I watched the transformation that I was causing. It was beautiful, it was new and it was all because of me. I had made change and if I could do it to the scarred and abused flooring I could do it for me.

I was pulled out of my proud thoughts when I heard a disturbance at the other side of the shop. I turned off the machine and quickly went to investigate.

I looked through the gaps between the piled up books and furniture to see if someone was there, or if the noise had come from something falling or shifting off the precarious castle I had built. I peered through and could only see the normal brown and grey of the shop, with the normal dust dancing in and out of the shafts of light coming from the windows.

Suddenly a flash of colour zoomed past my view and then I was staring into the sea of green that were Edward's eyes.

I jumped slightly but remained where I was, a smile playing at my lips. Edward's gaze shifted to my lips and he offered a crooked smile in return.

"Bella?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," I replied in almost a whisper, waiting for what he had to say.

"I can't get through." My smile dropped and I internally scolded my self for blocking him out of his own shop.

"Oh my god, sorry, just give me one second," I replied nervously.

I hastily started removing things from the pile of books and furniture and more and more of Edward became visible as my tower was dismantled.

There was only the table left between us. I was about to pull it out to let Edward through when he did something that surprised me.

He put his arms on the table and pulled himself on top of it, swung his legs around and jumped off the other side, landing next to me. I watched him as he manoeuvred himself over the table. He handled it with grace and a light footedness that I didn't possess. I shocked myself when I realised I was staring at the way the muscles of his arms clenched and stretched as he moved across the furniture.

I quickly removed my eyes from his arms and looked around the room just as he was doing, pretending that moments ago I was not arm-perving.

"Bella, the floor looks great!" he said honestly.

I felt pride swell within me and I agreed with him, the floor did look great. Instead of the old, decrepit and uncared for floor from before there was a new tanned and untainted base to the shop. Then I remembered the over-sanded part.

"Edward, I had a little accident," I said, grimacing.

He instantly turned to me and frantically searched my body for a sign of injury.

"What happened? Are you ok?" he asked in a panic.

I smiled and lowered my eyes to the floor under the endearing weight of his concern.

"No, I am fine, nothing happened to me. It's just, when I started I was not prepared for the sander to be so strong and it kind of dragged me across the floor...and then...um...it got stuck in the corner and I couldn't turn it off and...ah...I may have damaged the floor ever so slightly," I said with a grimace.

I looked at him nervously, waiting for his reaction. I didn't want him to be angry at me, or worse, disappointed. He had trusted me in his shop on my own and I had gone and damaged it.

"Are you sure you're okay, though? You didn't hurt yourself? If you got hurt trying to help me I would never forgive myself," he said sincerely.

My eyes widened in surprise. "You're not angry at me?" I asked quietly.

He grinned, "No, of course not, I should have been here to make sure everything was okay, or I should have asked you to wait until I came back. I am just glad you didn't hurt yourself."

I nodded again and looked at him in awe. He never ceased to amaze me, he didn't care that I had made a bit of a mess of things, didn't care that I may have damaged anything; he was just concerned for me and my safety.

My heart clenched dangerously in my chest. Who was this man who was standing in front of me? Where did he come from? Why was he the way he was?

I was becoming more and more determined to get to know Edward better, I wanted to know what made him tick, why he was so shy and I wanted to help him with it.

Suddenly it dawned on me: I wasn't just there to change The Boston Book Exchange, or myself. I was there to help Edward as well. I was going to help him out of that shell that I was sure he had been living in for most of his life.

With a new sense of purpose I headed over the ruined patch of floorboard. It didn't look as bad as it did before, because the rest of the floor around it was also sanded, but it was still noticeable. Edward followed me over and we both stared at it in silence for a while.

I snuck a look up at him and noticed that he didn't seem upset. in fact, if anything, he seemed amused.

"I was thinking that maybe we could cover it with one of those big flower pots or something. It's the perfect size for that, and...you...know, a plant would brighten the place up a little bit," I said.

"A plant seems like a great idea," he said with a devastating smile.

"Well okay then, if you are not angry at me and are still prepared to let me loose on this place I suppose I should get back to work."

"Before we carry on I want to talk to you," he said nervously.

"Okay, is this a bad conversation? Do I need to sit down for this?" I asked worriedly.

He smiled again, "No Bella, this is not a bad conversation and we can't sit down; there is no where to sit," he said looking at his furniture that was still half stacked at the other end of the shop.

"I am more than prepared to have you do whatever you think is needed to this place, but what I am not prepared to do is have you pay for it. This is my shop and although you are doing a lot of work, it is my responsibility, at least financially, so if you could get me the receipts by tomorrow I would appreciate it and I will of course reimburse you," he said confidently and without stuttering once.

I looked at him with surprise. I had never heard him that confident before. In that moment he was like a different man. He had spoken clearly and directly, something I hadn't heard him do before. I felt an overwhelming surge of pride for him at his sudden flash of confidence. It was great to see him that way.

"Of course," I replied, trying to stop the smile from appearing on my face. Despite my efforts I smiled anyway and he returned it. He lowered his head slightly and blushed.

"Shall I carry on now?" I asked.

He looked up at me again and nodded. "How about I finish the sanding and you can get on with the next part of what you would like to do?" he asked gently, clearly implying that I shouldn't do any more sanding for the day, which in turn caused me to blush.

"That's probably a good idea." I replied. I was pretty sure I had finally figured out how to work the sander but the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself in front of Edward. I would have been a lot more on edge doing it with him around, and whenever I was nervous my clumsy nature seemed to intensify.

"I will start to varnish the floor. If we can get all the sanding and varnishing done in this part today, we, or I, can start on the walls tomorrow."

He nodded lightly and walked over to the sander that was sitting in the middle of the room. There was only a small amount left to do and it wouldn't take him long.

"Are there any specific instructions about how to use this?" he asked.

I walked over to him.

"This is the on/off button," I said pointing to the small red switch. "Um, it is pretty easy to work out. Just hold on tight though, like I said, it has a mind of its own." He nodded and smirked.

"Yeah, I will look out for that," he said, sending a cheeky smile my way. I couldn't believe that Edward Cullen was teasing me, I enjoyed it and was glad that he felt comfortable being that way with me.

I playfully raised an eyebrow at him before I walked away towards the table. The varnish was in the other part of the shop which meant I had to get over the table to retrieve it.

I sent a silent prayer to anyone that may be listening to help me get over the desk with ease, because the last thing I wanted was to fall on my face again.

I clambered over the hardtop of the desk with a lot less grace than Edward had displayed earlier. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my back, but didn't turn. He seemed to be in a playful mood and I didn't want him to see how humiliated I was with my lack of elegance, yet I also didn't want to scare the mood out of him.

I walked to the other end of the shop and picked up a couple of cans of varnish. I had gone for a light brown, because I didn't want to make the floors dark again. The Boston Book Exchange should be an inviting, warm place and dark didn't convey that message.

I heard the roar of the sander come to life and started heading back to the other side of the shop. I heard a crash and a loud yelp come from the back of the building. I rushed back, stumbled and fell across the table.

The sight in front of me stopped me dead in my tracks. My mouth fell open in shock. Edward was stuck in the corner of the room, opposite the corner that I had already marred. The sander was charging at the wall and it was clear from the panic on Edward's face that he had completely lost control of the machine.

His eyes were wild and panicked, his mouth was slightly agape as he tried to turn it off, he was being thrown backwards and forwards towards the wall as the sander made a desperate attempt at freedom, his head bouncing with the sander's every charge.

Finally his fingers pressed down on the switch and the sander stopped. He turned around and saw me standing there. A look of pure horror passed over his features before he blushed so violently I was scared he was going to turn purple.

He ran a hard through his wild hair nervously. "I...um...think we are going to need another flower pot," he said.

I couldn't stop the laughter that was building up in my chest from erupting from my lips. I tried to halt it, but it was impossible. The sight of Edward wrestling with the sander was one of the funniest things I had ever seen.

He looked at me and I was terrified that I had offended him. I didn't want to upset him but my hysteria couldn't be controlled, tears leaked from my eyes and crawled down my cheeks. I tried to apologize but I doubted he could hear me. I leaned over and gripped my stomach as it started aching.

Edward looked at me, then the sander, then back to me again. His lips raised in a smile and a giggle escaped him. It wasn't long before both of us were crying with laughter.

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**I hope you liked the touch of funny in this chapter, let me know what you think.**

**As always reviewers get a teaser and I will try and make it a good one : )**

**Thanks for all your reviews and alerts it makes me happy to see them.**

**As usual I have recs:**

**The Tour: A light hearted, funny and different romance. I really like this it is great fun and easy to read.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5524324/1/**

**Accidental Atonement: This is an Edward/Leah fic and so far I really like it. I know that it is not a common pairing and I know that some people do not like anything non canon, but I think you should give it a shot.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6372221/1/**

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	9. Chapter 9

**Thankyou Fairusa and Ginginleelee for beta'ing this chapter, you are both truly amazing. Also a big thank you to Hotforshipper and futuregirl1709 for pre – reading part of this chapter for me, I love you ladies lots : )**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 9

I sat against the wall and looked over the shop. It looked so different, so new.

I smiled a little. I was really proud of the work that Edward and I had done that day. It was three o'clock and the sanding was done. I had tried to varnish the floor, but quickly realised that it wasn't going to work.

Even though the sander sucked up a majority of the dust, there was still some around and when I added varnish to the mix it didn't end so well, turning into a gloopy, bumpy mess on the floor. I remembered the way I had turned to look at Edward with a grimace, but he had just smiled and suggested I start on the walls. I had swept the floor and cleaned the walls before starting to slop on the light tan paint that I was sure would give the shop a warm glow.

We worked well together. He had not taken offence to my earlier giggle fit and saw the funny side of his very own sander incident as well. I would never get the image of him being thrown into the wall out of my head - it was beyond funny.

I was so scared that he would close down after Sandergate and the whole awkward incident that morning, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He had come back with a smile on his face and less of a timid demeanour. It was still there, but it had lessened. I could only assume that his coffee date with his mom had helped him.

He walked back into the main part of the shop carrying two boxes of pizza. We had worked through lunch and were both starving. Edward had insisted that he buy us a late lunch. He came and sat down next to me and placed the pizzas in front of us, signalling with his hand for me to go ahead and eat. I wasted no time jumping in and instantly went for the pepperoni.

We sat and ate in silence for a while. It was comfortable between us, but I wanted to talk to him, to get to know him a little better.

"How was coffee with your mom this morning?" I asked lightly, not wanting to give him the impression that I was being nosy.

"It was good, she has a way of being able to calm me, to make me... I don't know, less concerned about everything," he said.

I snorted.

"You're lucky. My mom is the complete opposite; she makes me more tense. I love her, but she is the most interfering person I have met. I actually met Jake through her. She decided that I needed to date and set me up with him. She only told me the night before we were due to go out."

He looked at me wide eyed, shocked that my mother would go so far.

"Did you go out with him... on a date?" he asked so quietly I could barely hear him. His eyes were on the pizza slice that he was holding in his hand, but he was showing no desire to eat.

"Well, yeah and I am glad I did. I mean I don't like Jake in...you know...that way, but he is a great guy and a good friend."

"He seems very nice. I'm sorry if I was rude to him this morning, I...um...struggle around new people," he said shyly.

I looked up at him and could see the sadness behind his eyes, a sadness that he was trying to hide. My heart clenched in my chest at the sight. A man like Edward, who had so much to give to the world, should never be sad because of the way he worked.

Without thinking I reached out and laid my hand over his which was resting on the floor. I turned to face him slightly and he looked down at our hands with intensity before swallowing hard.

"Edward, why are you so shy? Why do you struggle with new people?" I asked softly.

I knew that it was a risk asking him, I knew that I stood the chance of pushing him away, but I had to ask, I had to know. I wanted to help him, I wanted to know him, all of him, even the hard stuff.

He let out a shaky breath and looked around the shop, showing no sign that he was going to respond to me, and I lowered my head in shame. I had pushed him too far and I was sure he was going to pull away from me.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I shouldn't have asked that," I said as I started to remove my hand from his, but before I could his palm grasped mine tightly.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella, I'm sorry I always make you feel like that. I see it, you know, I see the way you are concerned about upsetting me, or pushing me away and I am sorry for that. I don't want you to feel like that around me, but I know you do. I know you are always cautious around me, you spend all your time here trying to make me feel comfortable, but for what? I will never be that guy, and I am sorry."

I shuffled towards him; I was shocked, and angered, and overwhelmed by what he had just told me. His words were raw with emotion, and I was glad that he had shown me something of his inner self, but I didn't want it to be about me, about the way he thought he made me feel.

"You listen to me Edward Cullen," I said sternly, "It is not like that. I like you, for who you are. You do not make me feel uncomfortable, I make myself feel that way. You may not have noticed, but I am not exactly a social butterfly myself. Before I came here, before I met you, I was lost, and because of all this I am beginning to find myself, and that is because of you."

He smiled at me, but shook his head as though he couldn't believe my words. I had meant them. He had unknowingly given me purpose, he had given me a reason to get up in the morning and smile. I didn't expect him to understand, but I needed him to believe me.

"Please, Edward, please believe me, you are stronger then you give yourself credit for... and, I would like to think of you as a friend," I said softly.

His hand tightened round mine. "I think of you as my friend too... my only friend. You see, I have always been a shy person. When I was a child I used to hide behind my mother's legs whenever someone would come to the house, or would talk to us when we were out and about. My parents didn't think much of it, it's not unusual for a young child to act that way."

He paused slightly and took a deep breath. I waited patiently for him to continue when he was ready to.

"When I hit my teens though, they began to get concerned about my behaviour. I didn't have any friends, I was... bullied at school because I was so awkward and shy. No one could understand me, could understand why I was the way I was, and they still don't. My father is a doctor and he sent me to the best psychiatrists and doctors in the country. I under went every test available to try and find out what was wrong with me, but no one could find anything."

He turned to look at me and a new sense of determination filled his face.

"But you know what? I am glad for that. My parents were beside themselves, they wanted a diagnosis, a reason as to why I am so inept at being around others. But I was glad. I don't want to be another label, I don't want to be just another person, with another problem. Yes, there is something wrong with me, yes I know I have issues, but I am still me, just me and nothing else. I have accepted that this is the way I am, and most of the time that is okay by me. I am never going to change, this is the way I am. A diagnoses of a mental dysfunction with a long and hideous name is not going to change that.

"I don't want to be another statistic, Bella, I just want to be me. Is there something wrong with that?" he asked.

I looked at him in utter shock, I was in awe of him. In five minutes he had shown me more courage than I possessed in my little finger. I was always trying to correct my imperfections, and was always disappointed when I couldn't. But there he was openly admitting that he had issues and was fine with them.

He never ceased to surprise me, never ceased to amaze me when he revealed more of himself to me. I didn't feel sorry for him, because he didn't feel sorry for himself and that showed such an amazing sense of character.

He was looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer, and ever so slowly a smile crawled onto my lips.

"No, Edward, there is nothing wrong with that," I said with sincerity.

He smiled and seemed pleased with my answer. He let out a sharp breath and went back to eating his pizza. His hand was still holding mine tightly and he made no move to change that situation. I looked down at our entwined fingers in puzzlement, wondering why I didn't feel uncomfortable with the level of contact we were sharing.

I looked back up at him and noticed he was watching me watching our hands. He blushed, smiled and let go of me before moving his hand to his lap.

The cold air danced around my skin, killing the warm that his flesh had created against mine. I irrationally missed his touch, but pushed the thought into the back of my mind.

I smiled back at him and picked up another slice of pizza.

"So, how did you end up running this place? I have never seen a book exchange before," I asked.

"Well, after high school I went to college, but I didn't really know what to study. I was thinking of doing medicine like my father, but decided not to. I knew that I would not be comfortable with the amount of social interaction. So instead I studied literature. In books you can be who ever you want to be and no one judges you, so it seemed like a good choice. Besides, I have always had a love for books.

"When I finished college I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to write myself and I didn't want to be a publisher. Then one day I was driving to my parents house and I saw this up for sale. I don't know what came over me, but I pulled over and called the agents in charge of the lease. I saw this as an opportunity to change myself - I thought that was what I wanted to be different to what I am - now I know I was wrong, but at the time it seemed so important."

I nodded, understanding completely, I was doing the same thing, trying to change myself.

"I didn't want to own a bookshop, there are so many of them around...books helped me...they gave me a future, and I want that for everyone, but buying books in bulk is expensive. Here it costs very little and if you bring the books back, you can exchange them for others. I make the money back by selling the books off again. It is a win-win. It is probably stupid...but it worked, there were so many customers, I couldn't cope with them all," he said sadly, almost as though he had failed.

"You couldn't have known it would be so popular Edward, it is okay that it didn't go as well as you hoped the fist time you tried. I'm here now and together we will make this work."

He looked over at me and smiled. "Together?" he asked softly.

"Yeah...together, unless you don't want me around," I said with a smile.

He nudged my shoulder with his playfully and didn't even blush at the contact. I was thrilled; we were finally opening up to each other, becoming more comfortable with each other. He was one of the best people I knew, and I appreciated him more than I could say.

When I said he was a friend I meant it, he was more important to me than even I knew at the time. I felt in a weird way that our futures were linked, we were growing together and if one of us failed, both of us would.

It was strange to think that way, to have this invisible link to someone I was only just beginning to know, but it was there.

I was so happy to know more about him, happy that I understood him more than I did before. He was no longer a mystery to me, although there were still questions I nosily wanted answers to. I felt proud that he trusted me, that he was secure enough with me to let me know more of him. I was never going to forget that and never make him regret it either.

We spent the rest of lunch chatting lightly. The heaviness of the conversation was gone and we were almost flirtatious. It was a startling difference, one I was happy about.

After lunch we got back to work. We fell into our normal and easy routine with each other. We worked hard and chatted a bit.

I was standing on the small step ladder that I had borrowed from Seth, painting the top of the walls. Edward was standing on the ground next to me, roller in hand, smiling gently.

His tray of tan paint was laying on the first step of my ladder. He leaned in to gather more paint on his roller. As he did he stepped closer and his toe smacked lightly into my step ladder. The ladder was not the best in the world and wobbled slightly.

For most people the wobble would have been manageable, barely noticeable even. But I was the one standing on the ladder, and a wobble to me was a full-blown earthquake to others.

I lost my balance and felt my weight shift backwards. As I began to fall I looked behind me; it all seemed to happen in slow motion. Edward frantically went to grab his paint tray from falling to the newly sanded floor. It was a useless endeavour, and he ended up covering his hands with paint.

Those hands then reached out to break my fall.

I fell against him, my back slamming hard into his chest. He stumbled backwards slightly, but managed to brace us both.

I stood there leaning against him in shock, one of his hands was stretched out in front of me, paint dripping from his long fingers onto the floor.

"Oh my god, Bella, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, are you okay?" I said shakily, a little shocked from the suddenness of my fall.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry," he said, rushing to get the words out.

I turned to look at him. "It wasn't your fault, Edward, don't worry about it. I better try and get this paint off the floor before it dries."

I looked at the puddle of thick paint on the floor. I had no idea how I would remove it, but I would be damned if my newly sanded floor was ruined.

I turned back around and walked away from Edward, feeling a little awkward about the incident. I had fallen right into him, it was more than embarrassing. I didn't want to dwell on it, it was just another humiliating incident to add to the ever growing list of my life.

I started to walk over to the supplies in the hope that I would find something that would get the paint off the floor, but stopped short when I heard Edward's horrified and shocked draw of breath. I looked around at him, wondering what was wrong.

His mouth was hanging open, his eyes were popping out of their sockets, and his face was such a deep shade of purple that I thought he was going to explode.

I didn't know what was wrong, what had caused such a reaction in him. I noticed that his eyes were trained on my bottom, which I found strange. Edward did not seem the type of guy for blatant ogling.

His eyes rose from my behind and moved up to my face. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. He was clearly mortified.

I went back over the step ladder incident, and suddenly remembered something. When I fell I recalled feeling a slight pressure on my bottom. At the time I thought nothing of it, I was more concerned with breaking bones and concussions.

When I had fallen, Edward had reached out to catch me, his hands covered in paint, which could only mean one thing.

I turned to face him. I wanted to be an adult about the situation, but I could feel the embarrassed giggles rising inside me already.

"I have a hand print on my ass, don't I?" I said bluntly.

He sprinted into action, handing me cloths, trying to clean the floor and repeatedly apologising all at once.

I told him it was fine, that it wasn't his fault and that without him I could have seriously hurt myself. I tried to clean the paint off the back of my jeans, but it was more for his benefit than mine. I knew there was no saving them.

I managed to look around myself and suppressed a giggle, the tan hand print on my ass was perfect, and not even smudged. Edward clearly had a good and true aim. I did what I could to calm him down, and eventually after he had managed to clean the floor, he did.

I decided that I was pretty much done for the day, first the sander then the ass hand print, I didn't want to push my luck any further.

"Hey, Edward, I am going to head home. We have done a great job today, but I think we should probably quit while we're ahead."

He nodded and smiled. "You're probably right. How are you going to get home?"

"Bus, as normal," I said shrugging.

"You can't, not with paint...on your...you know. I will drive you if you want?" he said. His eyes were hopeful and I found it impossible to say no.

"Okay, that would be great, thanks."

The smile I received from him was simply breathtaking. He rushed around grabbing his stuff and keys. We headed to the door and he locked it after us before we headed to a silver Volvo that was parked on the road.

The car was simple, unassuming, but completely and utterly Edward.

After laying a cloth on his seat, so I didn't get paint on it, I got in. I gave him directions to my apartment and the drive there was silent.

He pulled up outside and we sat there for a while, neither of us saying a word. A strange and unfamiliar tension settled over us, it crushed the air around us and made it hard to breathe.

"Did you want to come in for a coffee or something?" I asked before I could stop myself. My head was spinning at a hundred miles a minute. I wanted him to say yes, but couldn't understand why.

"Yeah that would be great," he said shyly.

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**OK so there it is, a little more about Edward, I hope you liked it and were not to angry at me for not giving him some type of disorder.**

**Please let me know what you think.**

**Well, HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR YOU LOVELY THINGS!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I need to say a HUGE thank you to the amazing ladies behind Twi-Muses and Twi-Fic Promotions for reviewing Love's Little Book on their blogs. I am truly grateful. I never thought any of my stories would ever get reviewed, I thought they were no where near good enough, so thanks guys. If you want to check out the reviews the links are on my Profile Page.**

**Thankyou Fairusa and Ginginleelee for beta'ing this chapter, you are both truly amazing.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 10

I opened my door and held it open for Edward. He nervously shuffled in then stood there in the doorway, unsure what he should do next.

I entered, closing the door behind me, and threw my keys on the table in the hallway.

"Um...the living room is just through there," I said, pointing. I cleared my throat, aware of the nervous tremble in my voice.

"Go and take a seat and I will make us some drinks. What did you want; tea, coffee, something stronger?"

"Um...Coffee is fine, thanks," he answered, his voice equal to mine in the tremor factor.

I smiled at him and headed to the kitchen. I stood by the door and watched as he entered the living room. He looked around, taking in my home, then removed his black jacket and sat down on the sofa. He clasped his hands together in his lap and nervously played with his fingers.

I walked across the kitchen and leaned my head against the fridge door. What was I doing?

I knew why I had invited him up to my apartment - because he had given me a lift home, because it was the polite thing to do. I knew why I liked working with him, talking to him - because he was a nice person, a friend.

But, what I didn't know was why he was making me so goddamned nervous.

I knew I had to get a hold of myself, pull myself together. The day had been long and stranger than any day I had had in my life, including days when my mother was around.

I took a deep and calming breath and pulled myself away from the fridge. I prepared the coffees and took them into the living room.

Edward jumped as I entered the room and looked at me, startled.

"Don't worry, just me," I said, smiling.

He instantly blushed and looked away. I handed him his coffee and sat down next to him.

"So, you really are redecorating?" he said quietly.

"Yeah, out with the old, in with the new!" I said a little to chirpily. "Me and my ex didn't exactly have the same taste in design."

We both looked around the room, thinking about what we should say next.

"Do you miss him...your ex-husband?" Edward asked quietly.

I thought about it for a moment. Did I miss Mike? Not really, not him exactly, but I missed the company, I missed having someone to come home to. Having someone to trust and talk to, to share things with.

"Mike is a good person, a person I loved for a long time... but I don't really miss him. What I miss is being part of a something, you know?"

He nodded and smiled. "I know, I was part of a something once, too."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I knew that Edward was capable of being in a relationship, but for some reason it was just something I never thought of with him, he was just so shy that picturing him with another person was hard.

"In college, there was a girl, Lauren. She was everything I wasn't - bubbly, fun, exciting. For a really long time I couldn't understand what she saw in me, what I had to offer her, but she stuck with me all those years at college. She helped me a lot, actually," he said barely above a whisper.

"What happened?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"She got offered a job in California, and I couldn't bear to leave Boston. She wanted to make it work, but I knew it was better to let her go there free. Last I heard she was married. I hope she is happy... I miss being a part of a something too. Sometimes I'm scared that I'll never find that again, never find someone who can deal with me."

"Edward, that is _not_ something you ever need to worry about, you are a good man and we all have our problems... Any woman would be lucky to have you," I said, blushing.

He smiled at me. "Oh really?" he said playfully, causing me to blush even more. I nudged him lightly with my shoulder.

"Shut up Edward." He laughed and although I tried hard not to, I couldn't help but laugh with him.

Then just like that the tension was gone. This was the way it always was with us; one second everything was uptight and difficult and then with one little smile or giggle things were easy and light and the tension was gone, but not for long.

Soon our coffees were finished and Edward was standing up to leave. The tension was back with a vengeance and the walk to the door was almost unbearable.

I opened the door for him and we stood there awkwardly. The energy in the hallway was static, it fizzled on my skin and burned in my throat every time I drew in a breath. My heart sank to my stomach and beat furiously there. The silence between Edward and I rang in my ears louder than anything I had ever heard and all I could see was his green eyes on mine.

"Thanks for the drink," he whispered, almost frightened to shatter the silence that surrounded and cuddled into us.

"You're welcome," I whispered back, terrified of breaking the connection but wanting to at to same time.

I was saturated in heat, burning in my own body as his eyes moved from my eyes to my lips.

_Oh god he is going to kiss me, please kiss me... no, don't kiss me_, I thought. My brain was working a million miles a minute and I didn't know what I wanted.

He leaned down slightly.

I prepared myself, braced myself for the softness of his lips and the turmoil I was sure would follow. The burning got worse, the static turned to electricity and I was ready.

But then as soon as it started, it was over. Edward pulled away sharply as though he had only just realized what he was doing.

"I... um... I should go," he stuttered.

Before I could reply he swiftly turned around and in his haste to get away walked straight into the door frame. He grunted at the impact, corrected himself and walked out the door.

I watched him leave, terrified about what had happened and the effect it would have on the friendship we were slowly building.

Before he disappeared around the corner towards the elevator, he stopped and turned around to look at me. His cheeks were pink from his embarrassment, but the smile he sent me was nothing short of devastating.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella." I smiled back at him, and nodded. We stared at each other for a moment longer before he disappeared out of my line of sight.

I walked back into my apartment, closed the door and leaned against it. Thoughts were racing through my head, but all I could mutter was, "Oh fuck."

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	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you Fairusa and Ginginleelee for beta'ing this chapter, you are both truly amazing.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 11

The next morning I laid in bed with the blanket pulled over my head. I couldn't face the morning; I was still consumed with the day before. First the sander, then the paint incident, and then the whole awkward social display in my apartment.

Did I really say that I was lonely? Did Edward really walk into a door? Was he really planning on kissing me? A part of me was sure it was all a dream, but then I remembered how I felt when I thought he was going to kiss me...There was no way a dream could feel like that.

But all of that counted for nothing. The fact remained that he didn't kiss me. In fact, when he realised what he was about to do he walked face first into a door frame in his haste to get away. It was kind of embarrassing for both of us, but then I remembered the smile he gave me, before he walked away. It was not filled with lust, regret or longing. It was a smile of hope... That's what I saw anyway.

Edward would have normally shuffled off and not looked back; he would have been too ashamed and embarrassed to do so. But, instead of the norm he turned around, faced me and gave me a smile that said we were ok. We had been through the most awkward stage of our friendship to date, but it was going to be fine because the connection was already there, we were already a we, we were friends, and I knew that at least for now and quite possibly always that was the way we should remain.

I told myself very firmly that where ever this 'tension' stuff was coming from, I had to find the source and stomp it out. At least for the time being. The simple fact was that I wasn't ready yet, but I was getting there. I could feel it. My marriage was becoming a distant memory and a new horizon was slowly opening up in front of me.

Thinking that only bought a flash back from the night before. I groaned into my blanket and berated my self for bringing back the almost kiss again.

I was glad when my mobile phone rang, dragging me out of the memories of the night before.

I fumbled around my bed side table, searching for my phone. I finally found it and it vibrated violently in my hand.

I answered without looking at the screen.

"Hello," I mumbled.

"Morning, sleepy head," Jacob yelled. I pulled the phone away from my ear slightly, unable to handle his vibrancy so early in the morning.

"Why are you calling me? It is seven in the morning...go away," I whined.

He laughed wholeheartedly down the phone. "I knew you would be awake, I was assuming that you would be heading to the book shop for the whole day," he said with a knowing and teasing tone.

"Yes, well, there is still a lot that needs to be done, it won't decorate itself you know," I replied defensively.

"Of course, Bella. That is exactly what I thought, what did you think I meant?" he said innocently.

I narrowed my eyes, even though he couldn't see them. He was too much like my mother, which was scary.

"Whatever, Jake...what do you want?"

"I just wanted to see if you are free this evening to carry on painting?"

I frowned. "Really, is that the only reason you called me?" I asked.

"No, there is something else as well, but I haven't gotten round to that part yet. So, are you free or not?"

"Of course I am free, if you haven't already noticed you are the only person I hang out with so if I am not seeing you already you can assume I am free, unless I am seeing my mother, which is always something I need to be saved from, just so you know."

He laughed lightly. "Okay, okay. Seth's mom works at a nearby school, and in a month or so they want to do a reading drive. You know, get the kids reading or something like that. So, anyway, Seth mentioned that his friend's friend worked at a book exchange and they wanted to know if Edward was interested in working with them for the event. They're struggling to get the books together at a good price."

I sat up, nearly dropping the phone as I did. This was great for Edward, a step in the right direction. But I knew that at the end of the day it was not my decision.

"Really, you should go and speak to Edward about this, Jake. I know nothing about the actual business side of things," I said timidly.

"I know, but he didn't seem too comfortable with me yesterday, but clearly he is more than comfortable with you," he said, snickering. I just rolled my eyes and waited for him to continue.

"He seems to trust you Bella, and I thought the news would be better coming from you...don't you want to give him this good news?"

The little shit had me, I did want to give Edward the news...a lot. I wanted to see what I hoped would be an excited and happy smile spread across his face, and I wanted to be the one to put it there.

"Well, I suppose I could," I muttered, pretending that it didn't matter to me at all.

"Awesome, if he is interested ask if he could compile a list of teen friendly books. The principal, Tanya Denali, will come visit in a few weeks, to look over it with Edward. I don't know much about it at the moment and I haven't met her or anything. I told Seth to make it clear that this is not definite, I know you guys are trying to get the shop back together, so it might be a bit too soon, but I thought I would run it by you."

"That's awesome, thanks, Jake. I will talk to Edward today and let you know what he says later tonight," I said, getting genuinely excited at the prospect of Edward getting some much needed business.

"No worries, I'll text you later about tonight; I've got to go," he said hurriedly.

"Ok, see ya later," I said before hanging up.

I sat there for a moment and looked at my phone, I knew that I had to text Edward to let him know that I would be coming in early again. I wanted to go in early to get on with the shop, especially if this principle would be coming. First impressions were key.

I also wanted to go in early to show Edward that I was not bothered by what had happened the night before. I didn't want him to think that I was avoiding him or anything.

I looked at my phone, thinking about what I should say; it was really ridiculous. All I had to say was that I would be in early, but for some reason that seemed to be a hard task.

"Just be cool Bella, be cool," I murmured to myself as I started typing. When I was finished I read through the message.

"Hi, Edward, it's Bella. Just letting you know I will be coming in early today if that is ok with you." I read aloud.

I read it through one more time before nervously pressing the send button.

I threw my phone on the bed and got up. As I rifled through my drawers, looking for something to wear, I was unhappy with my selection – like most mornings. Most of my clothes were years old, and as I was married to the only man I had ever really known I never made much of an effort. If I was changing my home, and changing myself at some point, I was going to have to change my wardrobe too.

I finally pulled out some jeans and a thin shirt, threw them on the bed and headed to the shower. When I got back the screen of my phone was lit up letting me know I had received a new message.

A small troop of butterflies were flapping around my stomach as I opened the message. It was from Edward, a simple ok and smiley face. I smiled at the message and the butterflies flew stronger.

I looked down at my stomach. "Stop it," I said sternly, berating myself for reacting so strongly to a text message.

Before long I was walking into the book exchange and telling myself to just act normal. I saw Edward moving some books around. "Hi, Edward!" I screeched in a voice so high pitched it could have broken glass. It was not a great start to my whole plan of acting normal.

He looked up at me, a blush darkening his cheeks. "Hey, Bella," he said carefully.

That awful tension-filled silence that seemed to always envelope us was creeping in again; I could not let it continue.

"So, I got a call from Jake this morning. He said that a friend of his mother works at a school and they are doing a reading drive, and they need lots of books and he was wondering if you would be interested in doing business with them."

He looked at me in shock. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"Of course I am. I don't know much at the moment but I'm seeing Jake later so I will hopefully get more details soon. Apparently the principle will be visiting in a few weeks to talk to you about stuff. They've asked for a list of teen friendly books that you have or can get hold of... So, are you interested?"

He scoffed. "Of course I am, this is amazing... Thank you so much, Bella. What would I do without you?" he said in awe. His smile, the one that I wanted to put there, was wide. I felt a surge of happiness knowing that it was me who caused the smile.

I blushed and looked away from him. "Well, I did nothing, I'm just passing on the message. So don't thank me too much."

We stared at each other a little longer, and the silence was upon us yet again. Then Edward's face changed, he went from excitement to utter panic.

"Oh god, there is so much to do, I have to finish decorating and sort out the books, and make that list," he said, getting flustered.

"Edward, not you... we. I said I wanted to help here and I will, if you still want me to, that is. This place is going to look fantastic by the time this principle gets here, I promise."

"Bella, of course I want you here, I need you...well...you know...the shop needs you," he said, getting flustered.

Before he could continue I cut him off; it was painful to watch him get so nervous.

"It's ok, Edward, I know what you mean." He sent me a grateful smile, but behind that there was a look of regret, a look that said I didn't understand at all.

"Ok, shall we get started?" I asked.

The rest of the day was spent working as hard as we could, so there was no time for awkwardness or tension-filled silences. We had a goal to work towards, a job to get finished. I was happy for that, it gave us time to process what was going on and for that I was thankful.

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**There we go! Hope you liked it : )**

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	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks Fairusa and Ginginleelee for beta'ing this and for calming my ever edgy nerves.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 12

My mother looked around the shop with distaste clear on her face. Her nose was scrunched up and she was avoiding touching anything, as though she was scared of contracting hepatitis from the gadgets.

"Isabella, dear, please explain to me what we are doing here?" my mother asked perplexed.

"I told you, I need to get a present for Jake, it's his birthday," I said exasperated. I had spent the best part of the morning trailing around shops with my mother in the hopes of finding something, anything that Jake would like. We had ended up in a small and run down gadget slash comic book shop, full of men in _Star Wars_ t shirts who seemed very enthusiastic and excited about the objects that were available to buy.

"When is Jake's birthday?" she asked.

"Um, it's today actually," I said grimacing.

"Bella, you're cutting it a bit close, don't you think?" she replied disapprovingly.

"Yes, yes I know, but things have been really busy at the shop and I ran out of time. I am going out with him and his friends tonight to celebrate, so I have to get him something today," I said, panicking and wondering why I always left everything to the last minute.

I looked over at my mom, I could see her brain ticking at a million miles a minute. I knew exactly what she was thinking; she was wondering if any of Jake's friends were single. She opened her mouth to say something and I narrowed my eyes at her, a warning not to say a thing. She smiled innocently and wisely said nothing at all.

I carried on moving through the shop, but saw nothing that took my interest at all. I had no idea what to get Jake, I was officially stumped.

I sighed heavily.

"Look, dear, why don't we get some lunch, clear your head a little bit, and after you can try and find something," she said, trying to help me.

"I can't, I have to go into the shop today, Edward wants to see me about something," I kept walking around, praying that something would jump out and grab my attention.

"I suppose you won't be there much longer, didn't you say the renovations were nearly finished?" she said.

It had been 3 weeks since the almost kiss at my apartment, and Edward and I had worked hard since then to get the shop finished as quickly as we could.

I felt my stomach drop heavily at my mother's words; there would be no reason for me to be there anymore. I had been there to help clean the place out and give it a revamp. There was nothing left for me to do.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I fought to hold them back. I didn't know what I would do without that little shop and I didn't know what I would do without Edward. He had become a very important person to me, and the thought of not seeing him any more gnawed a hole right through my stomach and filled me with utter dread.

Mine and Edward's relationship was in a rather odd place. I had been pulling away slightly after the whole incident at my apartment, telling myself that I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. But, when I looked back I realised I had done more damage than good, and more importantly, I realised that I didn't want to pull away from him at all.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. I noticed the way his face had distorted with pain and disappointment when I had first started creating a gap between us, and I didn't know how to reverse it even if I could.

It was a bit of a mess, a mess I didn't know how to fix, but I knew I had to find a way. I had worked too long and hard to let something come between us, to let something ruin the new life I had started building for myself. Although he didn't know it, Edward was a massive part of that new life, and I would make it right again.

I continued to walk around until I got to a section dedicated to horror movies; they had all kinds of things. _Saw_ dolls and other grim looking items were scattered over the large table in front of me. I found it kind of nasty, but knew that Jake loved horror movies. I picked up a large book that was full of facts and figures of all horror movies ever made and breathed a sigh of relief.

I had finally found something that I was pretty sure Jake would like. I paid, said goodbye to my mother and headed across town to the book exchange.

The minute I walked in I couldn't help but smile. It was bright and sunny, no longer did dust swirl in the air, no longer were there dark corners and cramped aisles. The place looked so different. It looked brand new, and welcoming, and happy. The way it should look.

The floor beneath my feet was a light brown that made the shop look more spacious. The walls were tan, giving the shop a warm feel. The shelves were full of clean books, once in piles on the floor.

I could see right down into the bowels of the room, to Edward's desk. He was sitting hunched over paper work like the first time I had met him. He looked up at me and smiled. It was not like our jittery and nervous first meeting, and I realised that it was not only the shop that had changed but Edward too, and maybe even me.

I walked over to him and grinned as I saw the two brand new and rather large flower pots in the corners of the room. It reminded me of that day, of sander-and-paint-gate-day, the best day I had had in a long time.

"Bella, you made it," Edward said, clearly happy that I had. I sat down in the chair opposite him and smiled as I remembered the last time we were like this, when I had feared that the chair would give way under my weight. That was not a possibility anymore as the chair and desk were also new.

So much had changed. I was glad, but it also saddened me. The book exchange was not the place I fell in love with anymore, but the journey we had been on inside it made me love it just the same.

"You wanted to speak with me," I said.

Edward nodded and started to blush. I bit my lip and smiled at him. He was as cute and bashful as ever and I didn't think that would ever change. I didn't want him to - it was what made Edward, Edward.

"Yes, I um wanted to ask you something actually... I know that we have done a great job in changing this place. I can't believe it, I look around and I am awestruck... it is all thanks to you," he said quietly.

I felt a blush crawl up my neck. "It really wasn't me, Edward."

"Yes it was... the thing is that now it is over, we have finished... and... I don't know how to say this... you see the thing is... Bella, I," He stopped his stuttering and rubbed his hand over his forehead in frustration.

I wished he could just get the words out, wished he could just tell me. I knew what he was going to say, he was going to tell me that my help was no longer needed, that I had fulfilled my role at the shop and it was over. Then I would be back where I started, except it would be much worse, because I would not have Edward any more.

I clenched my eyes shut to try and hide the tears that were dangerously near to spilling over onto my cheeks. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to see me cry.

"Bella, I... you, you waltzed in here one day and turned my life upside down, I couldn't have done any of this without you, and I still can't. I want you to stay... permanently... I mean, I want you to work here, properly, with pay... and stuff,' he said in one massive breath.

My head shot up. "Seriously?" I screamed.

Edward smiled, blushed, and nodded.

I jumped up out of my seat and rushed over to him and threw my arms around him. He was tense at first but after a moment his arms circled me and he held me gently.

"Edward, I would like nothing more. I thought you were going to get rid of me, not ask me to stay."

"I could never get rid of you, Bella," he murmured into my hair, as his hand gently started to rub my back. The contact sent tingles shooting all over my body, and I did what I always did when this happened.

I ran.

I pulled myself from him sharply. I couldn't miss the look of hurt that passed over his pale face and I internally berated myself yet again. His touch sent fire through my veins, I should have been running to him, not away from him, but old habits die hard. I was so used to running that I had no idea how to stop, even though I was quite sure that I wanted to.

I needed to change this, I needed to tell him something... anything.

"Edward, I..."

The ring of the bell on the front door stopped me from what I was about to say. Both Edward and I turned to look at the new visitor.

I was speechless.

In front of us was a woman that would look perfect on any magazine cover.

She was tall and voluptuous. The blouse and pencil skirt she wore looked painted on, showing off all her outstanding curves. She had light blond hair that was pulled into a stylish bun. Her eyes were the lightest blue, they shone with confidence and widened slightly as she took in Edward. Her skin was flawless and her lips plump, they pulled into a beaming smile that showcased perfect, pearly white teeth.

Hell, I almost fancied her.

"Hi, I'm Tanya Denali. I work at East Boston High. I'm looking for Edward Cullen," she said, never tearing her eyes away from Edward.

He stuttered slightly before replying. "Um, hi, I'm Edward."

She walked towards us and held her hand out for him to shake; he nervously did so.

She looked over at me finally noticing I was there, and she smiled. It was genuine and warm. She held her hand out to me as well, I placed my hand in hers as nervously as Edward did and I inwardly rolled my eyes at myself.

"I'm Bella," I murmured.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she said beaming.

"Um, likewise." I looked over at Edward, who looked nothing short of terrified. I sent him a supportive smile. Tanya was his first real customer in a long time, he needed to deal with this on his own, but I wanted him to know that I would still be there, to support him, if he needed it.

"I am... um... just going to sort out the last of those books, I will leave you two to it," I said before I shuffled off to the book shelves.

I didn't really have anything to do, but I wanted to give Edward his space to do what he had to do. I kept myself in listening distance though, just because I was nosey.

They sat at the desk and spoke about what kind of books Tanya was looking for and more about the business side of things. She laughed often at something he said and he was constantly blushing but he seemed to be doing well.

About 45 minutes later, Tanya looked at her watch.

"Oh, damn I have to get back to the school... maybe we can continue this discussion tonight over dinner?" she asked coyly, leaving there no room for confusion. This dinner would not just be a business meeting, of that I was 100% sure.

My head shot up and I looked over at the table, Edwards gaze lifted to mine and held. His eyes were full of sadness, a sadness that broke my heart. He didn't need to say anything to me for me to understand exactly what he was saying.

_'You don't want me.'_ That was the message I had given him.

He looked away from me, composed himself, and looked back at Tanya.

"Yeah, ok."

My heart dropped into my stomach and a feeling I had never known took its place, it had a death grip in my chest and sucked the air from my lungs, I couldn't breath... I couldn't move.

And then I realised this feeling that clawed, and ripped, and tore away inside me was jealousy.

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**As normal please let me know what your thinking : )**


	13. Chapter 13

**Massive shout out to MrsEdwardCullenP, thank you so much for rec'ing this story in your own **

**: D**

**Big thanks to Fairusa & Ginginleelee for being the best beta's ever. I give to you Rob in a hand basket, naked, surrounded by Easter eggs as a gift for being so amazing. I love you both massive amounts.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 13

"I don't know, Bella, honestly it sounds like you could be jealous."

My head hit the bar with a heavy thump.

I was drunk, way too drunk.

"I am not jealous, Jacob Black," I whined, not lifting my head from the cool wood of the bar. He laughed and patted my shoulder lightly. Clearly he did not believe me.

I felt a pang of guilt stab my chest. It was Jake's birthday, we were supposed to be celebrating, and there I was, drowning my sorrows in my stupid black dress at some unknown bar.

What made it worse was that Jake had stuck by me. His friends were dancing, and laughing, and having fun. Yet, he sat with me, the drunk girl, who was in denial.

The night had not started badly, I had promised myself that I would not let events from earlier in the day ruin the night. I lied.

Edward was going out with Tanya, and in my drunken state it felt like my life was ruined. It was a complete overreaction, but drinking did that to me.

"I am so sorry, Jake," I said as I sat up and rested my face in my hands. I was a bad friend; I had sat at the bar and moped all night, I had barely talked to Jake's friends, and I was a lot more drunk than everyone else.

"Bella, it's ok," he replied softly.

I looked at him and picked up my drink, taking a sip before replying.

"No, Jake, it is really not. I am ruining your evening because some woman who is all legs and...and...boobs is taking Edward out to dinner tonight. Which is just great for Edward...I am so happy for him," I spat loudly, my hands moving around as I spoke which caused my drink to slosh out from its glass and land on and around me.

Jake was smiling at me, clearly finding my drunkenness amusing.

I narrowed my eyes at him and before I could process what I was doing, I was leaning over and trying to kiss him.

Jake grabbed my face and stopped me before I could attach my lips to his. I let out a small drunken sob as he pushed me back onto my stool.

I was upset, embarrassed, and my head was really fuzzy.

Jake's hands didn't leave my face.

"Bella, I am so sorry that you feel sad, and upset. But, I am more sorry that you cannot see what is right in front of you. I would love to kiss you Bella Swan, but the truth is you don't want to kiss me, you want to kiss Edward. The man looks at you as though you are the most precious thing to ever exist, his face lights up when he is around you and yours does the same. I am begging you, sweetheart, stop wasting time and open your god damn eyes."

I felt warm tears crawl down my face as his words sunk in.

"But I'm not sure I'm ready," I almost whispered.

"Bella, if you never got to see Edward again how would you feel?"

"Broken."

He smiled lightly, "Honey, you're ready, you have been ready for a while now. So stop wasting time and do something about it."

I jumped up and threw my arms around him spilling my drink on both of us.

"Oops, I'm sorry."

He laughed loudly and hugged me back.

Even in my drunken state I was pretty sure that Jake was right. I had known for a while, but I had just avoided that knowledge. In that moment, holding Jake, I let it sink in. I was terrified, and excited, and completely overwhelmed.

I let go of Jake and excused myself before heading to the ladies rest room; I needed to process, I needed to think.

There were two other women in the bathroom when I entered. One, a busty blond, was clearly as drunk as I was and was propped up against the hand dryers swaying ever so slightly. The other, a small short haired girl, was applying lip gloss and shooting the blond dirty looks through the mirror.

"I can't believe how drunk you are, Rose. Honestly, find some self-restraint," the short haired girl said.

"Like the restraint you showed last weekend, Alice, when you were vomiting for two hours?" the blond slurred back.

I squinted my eyes at them and wobbled slightly, I was seeing double. They both looked at me questioningly and I turned away, not wanting any trouble.

I had to concentrate really hard on what I was going to do about the whole Edward situation. I found making decisions hard enough when I was sober, but drunk it was even worse.

I liked Edward...a lot. That much I had admitted to myself. I was also hoping that he liked me back. Jake seemed to think so at least. Despite appearances I wasn't stupid, I had seen the way Edward had looked at me, I had just chosen to ignore it.

The problem was, he was on a date...with an outstandingly beautiful woman.

Maybe he had given up on me. I couldn't blame him if he had.

I took a deep breath and thought about my options. I was bordering on a panic attack. I had messed things up so much that I didn't know if there was anything I could do to change it.

I needed to do something, and I needed to do it straight away.

Looking back, I realised that what I was about to do next was probably one of the most outrageous things I had ever done. But, I was drunk, and I was desperate to fix all the things I had done wrong.

Before I could stop myself my hand was inside my bag, pulling out my phone. I determinedly searched through my contacts until I came to Edward's name. I clicked the call button and with shaking hands put my phone to my ear.

It went straight to his automated voice mail. The beep informed me to leave a message and without thinking my mouth opened and words just tumbled out.

"Hi, Edward, it's, um, Bella. So listen, here's the thing. I know that you are out on a date with Tanya and that she is all beautiful and stuff...more beautiful than me. I mean she has lovely hair...and boobs, but that's not the point." I took a deep shaky breath and tried to compose myself before continuing.

"The point is that even though you are on a date I thought that you should know that I like you, as in like you, like you...a lot, and I wish you were on a date with me...so yeah." As soon as the words left my mouth realisation of what I had done began to sink in and dread filled me.

What had I done?

"Um have a good night and I will probably see you tomorrow when I come in to hand in my notice because there is no way I can work with you now that I have done this...I'm drunk by the way and sorry and clearly really, really weird."

I ended the call and stared at the phone in disbelief. I had just drunk dialled Edward.

I looked around, the other women in the bathroom were looking at me in shock, the petite woman just stared with her lip gloss still raised to her lips.

Panic began to set in, I was pretty sure I was going to hyperventilate and die.

"Oh my god, you are amazing!" the blond shouted loudly.

"You go girl! you just went for it, I love you," she looked away from my shocked face and turned to her friend.

"You know what, if she can do it, I can do it to. I am going to call Emmett," she started searching for her phone and the small, more sober girl jumped into action.

They wrestled for the phone; if I wasn't so embarrassed it would have been a funny sight.

"Alice, please let me call him," the blond whinnied.

Alice yanked the phone out of her hand. "Get a hold of yourself, Rose, lets go." She pushed Rose to the door, then turned back to me.

"I am so sorry about her, and good luck with...you know," she said.

"Thanks, I'm going to need it."

A moment later they were gone and I was alone, it took a second for the despair and embarrassment to settle into my stomach. Tears brimmed in my eyes and I sank to the floor.

Knowing Edward, my message was going to make him uncomfortable. It is not everyday that you go on a date and get a drunk message from a member of your staff telling you that they liked you.

There was no way I could carry on working at the book exchange. I even wondered if I could send my resignation via post.

I couldn't believe it, it had taken me weeks to realise that I liked Edward and then I went and ruined it with one click of a button.

I stood up and walked out the rest rooms, I needed to get out of there.

I made my way through the happy and dancing crowd and finally found someone I recognised.

"Bella, hey, how's it going?" Seth asked.

Seth was the sweetest thing. He was short and skinny, with black shaggy hair framing a soft and tanned face. He had a childlike cuteness to him which really showed when he smiled. Above all he seemed to be a really nice guy. Funny, gentle and kind. I made a promise to myself that the next time I met him I would be a lot more social than I had been that evening.

"Hi, Seth, there is somewhere I need to go, can you give Jake a message for me?" I shouted over the music.

"Sure," he replied.

"Just tell him that I am really sorry and that I hope he has a good night - and tell him I will call him and also tell him that I am an idiot."

He frowned. "Are you ok? I am the designated driver tonight so do you want me to give you a lift anywhere?" he asked with a look of concern etched on his face.

"Thanks, but I'm fine, there are taxis outside and I just need to be alone. I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this, I just have some stuff going on and I need to get out of here."

He nodded, "Ok, well if you need anything just give Jake a call. Don't worry about it, life is complicated, I understand. You just go and do what you need to do."

I was so grateful to him for being so understanding, and fought back the urge to hug him.

Instead I nodded at him and headed out of the bar and walked over to the taxi stand. There was no queue so I managed to jump straight into one.

I thought about going home but there was only one place I wanted to be. I gave the driver the address of the book exchange and 10 minutes later I was there.

The street was dark and empty, but I wasn't scared; I was too drunk and mortified to care.

I sat down heavily onto the doorstep and placed my head in my hands.

It had all gone so terribly, terribly wrong. I had wanted to fix things, to change the way I lived my life, and potentially with one stupid phone call I had ruined it all. I knew that the message would probably freak Edward out more then it made him happy, even if he returned my feelings. He was just so timid. I was sure that the message could have only caused damage and willed myself not to cry.

I thought about my options. I could be completely honest and tell him how I felt, I could tell him that I was so drunk that I didn't know what I was talking about and pass it off as a joke, or I could just disappear and never go back to the book exchange again.

I knew that the only answer was the first one, it was the only real option I had. It was going to be difficult explaining why I would do something like that while he was on a date with another woman, but I would have to do it. I owed him at least that.

I fully expected the whole talk to go badly and prepared myself for the worst. I was pretty sure I would have to hand my notice in, one day after I got a proper job there.

I groaned into my hands.

I heard a car pull up on the road but didn't pay much attention. It was only when I got the distinct feeling that I was not alone anymore that I looked up.

When I did my breath caught in my throat and tears filled my eyes.

Edward was standing there gazing down at me with an intensity that I had never seen from him. He looked great in smart jeans and a black shirt. His hair was even more out of control than usual and my stomach clenched at the sight, maybe Tanya had made it that way, maybe she had run her fingers through his hair as they kissed passionately, something that I only then realised that I wanted to do a ridiculous amount.

My chest heaved with a silent sob, I knew that I had to explain myself, prepared or not, drunk or sober he was standing right in front of me and I knew I couldn't avoid it.

I took a deep breath and prepared to speak, it was now or never.

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**So what did you think?**

**Please leave me a review, you will get a teaser and maybe even a hand basket with Easter eggs and the man of your dreams. (personally I am hoping for Christian Bale sans facial hair.)**

**Have an amazing Easter and enjoy the royal wedding and everything else that is coming up.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Big thanks to Fairusa & Ginginleelee for being the best beta's ever, you have helped calm me down, and get this chapter out there, so thanks.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 14

I stood up quickly.

"Edward, I..." I was cut off as I started to wobble slightly; alcohol and heels really were my worst enemy.

He was in front of me in a heartbeat, his hands rested lightly on my hips to steady me.

"I think sitting down is better," he said quietly as he gently pushed me back down to the doorstep. I nervously brushed my hands over the skirt of my dress as he sat down next to me.

We sat there for a while in silence. The air was cold and the only light came from a dim streetlight which cast an orange glow on us as we sat there contemplating how this evening was going to end.

"So...um...how did the date go?" I asked nervously, deciding to break the silence.

Edward stiffened slightly and roughly ran his fingers through his hair, making it even more untamed. He didn't want to talk about the date, he wanted to talk about the message - I just wasn't ready to get to that part yet.

"It was ok, Tanya's really nice," he replied quietly.

I felt my heart sink and panic set in. He thought Tanya was really nice, I was pretty sure I was doomed.

"Oh...so you're going to go out with her again then?" My voice betrayed exactly how I felt, broken, distraught, embarrassed.

He sighed heavily. "No, I will not be going out with Tanya again. She's nice but I don't like her like that."

My eyes widened, my heart rate picked up. He didn't want her. I let hope bubble up inside me but forced it back down; just because he didn't want to be with her didn't mean he wanted to me with me either.

I nodded thoughtfully, trying to play it cool. I was quite aware that I looked like a moron but did it anyway.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" I asked, trying to break the awkward silence that had began to descend upon us.

"Looking for you," he almost whispered back. The glimmer of hope was back and steadily growing in the pit of my stomach.

"I...um...got your message," he said turning to look at me.

A whoosh of air escaped my lungs and I couldn't look at him. Humiliation had taken over the hope and I was struggling to hold myself together. I wanted to lunge at him, and apologise, and make everything better, but I couldn't. For better or worse our relationship had changed forever.

So I did the only thing I could think of and started grovelling.

"Oh god, Edward, I am so sorry...I wasn't thinking. I'm drunk and I was upset and I just...I don't know, but I wish I hadn't done it, because I ruined everything. I will hand in my notice now or can we just pretend..."

"No, Bella, I will not let you do this. I will not let you talk your way out of what just happened, I can't let you do that," he almost shouted. He sounded angry. I had never seen him angry before and it frightened the life out of me, not because he was scary but because I had caused such a gentle creature to feel that way.

Before I could stop myself I was crying; large tears fell from my eyes and ran down my cheeks in rivers. He softly cupped my face and turned me to look at him, the soft pads of his fingers lightly brushing the tears away.

"Please don't cry, Bella, I don't want you to cry," he said softly.

"I can't let you talk your way out of this because I don't want you to. Ever since you walked into my life everything has been about you, every thought I have surrounds you, every time I close my eyes I see you, everything I want in my future includes you.

Getting that message this evening was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Do you understand?"

I nodded softly with wide eyes, unable to process what he had just said.

His hands lowered from my face and he looked away; in the dim light I was just able to see his tell tail blush erupt across his cheeks. It must have taken a lot of effort on his part to get those words out, but he managed, and because of them my chest was close to bursting with joy.

I bit my lip and smiled.

"So, you're not angry with me?" I asked.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Bella, I am not angry with you."

"And you like me?"

His smile widened but he still didn't look at me. "Yes...quite a lot actually...and you...um...like me too?"

I smiled as widely as he did. "Yes, Edward, I like you."

"Like me, like me?" he said cheekily, making fun of my message.

I giggled and pushed my shoulder playfully into his. "Yes, I like you, like you."

We sat there smiling and looking at the road in a comfortable silence. I could feel a new type of tension clinging to the air, it was an atmosphere of hope, of giddy excitement.

A gust of wind blew down the desolate street, chilling me to the bone. I had forgone a jacket thinking I would be indoors for a majority of the night. I was not expecting to be sitting on an empty street in the middle of the night with Edward, not that I was complaining; there was no where I would have rather been.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around my body.

"Are you cold?" Edward asked.

"A little, but I'll be ok."

Before I could protest, Edward was pulling his jacket off his body and leaning over to wrap it round mine. He leaned in close to me securing the jacket round my shoulders. His close proximity made me forget the cold and I watched him intently.

I saw his face flush when he realised how close we were and he instantly froze. His forehead was barely touching my cheek and I could feel his warm breath caressing my neck. I gulped. I was nervous, and excited, and longing for something more.

Ever so slowly he raised his head. His nose brushed my cheek before gently nudging my own. His arms were still around me so I was completely surrounded by him. It was incredible and I had never felt safer or more comfortable.

Both our breathing picked up. I wanted him closer, I needed contact more than I needed air. It was a longing I had never felt before.

I tilted my head slightly, aligning our lips but not letting them touch. His arms tightened, but instead of kissing me he leaned his forehead against mine.

"You're drunk," he murmured in a shaky and tight voice. I wanted to tell him that I was fine, that I had sobered up and that he was free to kiss me all he liked. But, I knew he was right. I was going to kiss Edward, we were going to have our moment. But, not like that. I wanted to be sober and not smell of rum, and not be all blotchy after crying.

He pulled away from me but slid his arm down between us, his hand clasping mine tightly.

"Is this ok?" he asked nervously.

I intertwined our fingers together. "It's perfect, Edward."

"I'm sorry that I went out with Tanya," he whispered.

"That day that you turned up here with the sander all I did was think about telling you how I felt, it was such a good day and in your apartment I thought about...kissing you. After that night you seemed to pull away from me, I was sure I had made you uncomfortable. That I had pushed you and it made me a nervous wreck, I was so scared of losing you. I didn't know what I was doing. People make me nervous all the time, but with you I am worse. Worse in a good way; you fill me with feelings I never knew I could feel and it drives me crazy. I was so sure you saw me as just a friend. Then Tanya walked in."

He paused his rant and I squeezed his hand urging him to continue.

"She looked at me like you do, like a normal human being and not some weird, social outcast. So I thought why not try. I was so sure you wanted nothing to do with me in that way, so I went on the date. I was a wreck, I could barely form words without stuttering, and I spilt wine all down her dress, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I went to the toilet to try and sort myself out and I checked my phone and there was your message." He looked over at me smiling.

"I think I might have hyperventilated, I played it four times then went back out to Tanya and told her I had to go. She was cool about it; she said she knew that I wasn't into the date and that there was something else going on. She was great actually. Then I went looking for you. I'm sorry, Bella, I know that me going may have hurt you and that is something I never want to do."

He looked so pained, so upset.

"Edward, its ok. I've been struggling with my feelings with you for a while, but back then I just wasn't ready."

"Are you ready now?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied without hesitation. I truly was ready, I wanted Edward in every way that a women wanted a man. I wanted him as a partner, a friend, a boyfriend...a lover.

He let out a sharp breath of relief at my answer.

"Would you like to...go out to dinner with me...say Sunday night?" he asked nervously.

I grinned the widest grin ever. Sunday was two days away, but already I couldn't wait.

"I would love to."

Before we could continue out conversation we were interrupted. A white van pulled up outside the shop and Seth and Jake looked out the window.

"Bella, I'm just checking on you. I was worried about you, I thought you would be here...so you ok?" Jake shouted and slurred at the same time.

Edward laughed. "Someone had a really good birthday," he said as he stood up, pulling me with him.

"Hey, Edward, dude, how's it going?" Jake shouted.

Edward laughed again, "I am good, thanks, Jake, have you had a good night?"

Jakes eyes widened in excitement, "Oh yeah it was awesome, I did these body shots off this girl, but I can't remember what she looked like, it was great."

I walked over to the van and noticed a blonde woman passed out inside, her hair was all over the place obscuring her face.

"Um guys, why do you have a passed out blonde in your van?" I asked.

"She was at the bar really, really drunk, she was about to pass out and we couldn't find her friend. She said she knew you, that you were her hero or something like that," Seth said tiredly. It must suck to be the designated driver.

I knew who it was instantly - the drunk girl from the toilets.

"Her name isn't Rose by any chance?" I asked.

"Yes, yes her name is Rose, she's really loud!" Jake shouted before giggle-snorting. Rose was not the only loud one.

"You two are holding hands," he added before giggle-snorting again.

I felt my cheeks burning up and squeezed Edward's hand. I couldn't get the smile off my face. I turned to Edward.

"I should probably go, give Seth a break from looking after Jake," I said softly, letting him know that I was sad that I was going to have to leave him.

He nodded lightly. "I'll call you about Sunday, if you...ah...still want to go out with me?" he asked shyly.

"Of course I still want to go, very, very much."

We stared at each other for a while before he pulled his hand out of mine. I missed his touch immediately. My hand turned cold and I itched to make contact with him again, but knew I couldn't; I did not want to push or rush him into anything.

"Good night, Bella," he whispered before leaning forward and kissing me on the forehead. His lips were soft and his kiss gentle and I couldn't help imagining what his lips would feel like on mine.

"Ahhhhhhhh, look at them," Jake slurred.

I rolled my eyes, and Edward chuckled.

"Good luck with him," he said before walking to his car.

I looked at Jake who was half hanging out the van window and drooling ever so slightly. I was going to need all the luck I could get.

"Get your ass back in the van and move over," I said as I opened the van door. He shuffled over and I got in. It was a tight squeeze but we just about fit.

"What are we going to do about Rose?" Seth asked.

"I guess she can stay with me tonight. Jake should probably stay too, I don't think it will be long before he passes out," I said.

Seth nodded and started the van. We drove past Edward who was waiting for us to leave before he did, he was leaning against the door and gave me a little wave that I returned as we left, I couldn't stop the dreamy sigh from bubbling out of me.

"I assume that you sorted out what was bothering you?" Seth asked.

I smiled widely. "Yes, I did."

It was at that moment that Jake decided that it was far too quiet in the van and for the rest of the journey we were forced to endure Jake singing the worst rendition of Bon Jovi's 'Living On A Prayer' I had ever heard, all the way home.

It was annoying but I couldn't help but smile. I had sorted everything out with Edward, and I had done it because of the drunk idiot next to me. Jake was my best friend, he was my saviour, my new strength and I was so glad that my mother had sent him my way. I was so thankful for him. So blessed to have him in my life. Before I knew what I was doing I was singing along with him.

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**Teasers for reviewers as usual and hopefully the next chapter will come along soon. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Big thanks to Fairusa & Ginginleelee for being the best beta's ever.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 15

My head was banging. It felt like there was a brass band inside bursting to get out. I groaned miserably, trying to piece together my evening, trying to work out why my mouth felt like I had been chewing on a cotton ball all night.

I remembered the bar, getting really, really drunk and then...Edward.

Suddenly the brass band and cotton wool mouth were forgotten about. I snuggled into my blanket and grinned like an idiot.

Edward and I had talked.

Edward and I had expressed our feelings towards each other.

Edward and I were going out on a date.

Before I could stop myself I literally squealed into my duvet, kicked my feet in excitement, then giggled at my stupidity.

I was on cloud nine; I could run for the happiest person in the world award. My day, despite the hangover, had been officially made.

My grinning was beginning to make my cheeks hurt, but I didn't mind. I had a feeling that the grinning was going to continue for a really long time.

Just as that thought floated dreamily through my mind a loud snore from the other side of the bed caused my grin to fall.

Panic momentarily flooded through me. I turned over far too quickly to face the stranger in my bed, making my stomach roll and nausea set in.

I stilled myself against it, having more important things, like the person in my bed, to worry about.

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the mop of blond and very tangled hair resting on the pillow next to me.

Rose.

I then remembered me and Seth carrying her up to my apartment, Jake passing out on my sofa as soon as his ass hit it, and offering Seth the spare bedroom as he was so tired.

I had ended up sharing a bed with Rose. A stranger. But, I couldn't make her sleep on the floor; according to her I was her hero...I couldn't let her down.

I giggled at my stupid thoughts; I was drunk again, just not on alcohol.

Slowly I made it out of my bed and as quietly as I could I left the room.

The first thing I noticed was Seth standing in my living room with his arms crossed, looking at my sofa where Jake was sprawled half on half off the seat. His head hanging over the edge, dangling precariously close to the floor.

"What a mess," Seth said as he looked over at me, amusement clear on his face.

Suddenly my bedroom door swung open with a bang. Jake jumped awake, lost balance and fell to the floor with a thump.

Rose stood there, her hair standing up in all directions, her make-up smudged all over her face and her dress twisted in disarray around her body. Her eyes were wide with the panic of waking up in a bed, in a room, she didn't recognise.

She looked around and her eyes finally landed on me, I saw the relief she felt at seeing another woman in the room and the panic faded slightly only to be replaced with confusion.

"Hi, um, where am I?" she asked.

Jake groaned from the floor where he was still laying curled up into a ball.

"Please, no talking," he grumbled.

I rolled my eyes at him and decided to ignore him.

"Hi, I'm Bella. I'm the crazy girl who made that phone call in the ladies rest-room last night."

Rose's eyes widened and she smiled.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. It was awesome by the way."

I blushed.

Thinking of the phone call made me think about sitting outside the book exchange which in the end made me think about Edward.

I cleared my throat before I could fall deeper into my Edward filled thoughts.

"Um, thanks...so anyway, you got a little drunk last night and my friends couldn't find your friend and you passed out, so we bought you here for the night, I hope that was ok but we didn't know what to do."

Her eyes narrowed. "She left me didn't she? I can't believe she left me! Alice is supposed to be my best friend, all night she wouldn't let me call Emmett but I bet that charming southern fucker of hers called her and she went swanning off...I am going to kill her," she shouted spitefully.

Jake groaned again. "Why is she shouting, why?" he whined.

"Sorry," Rose said grimacing in Jake's direction.

"Can I use your bathroom?" she asked.

I showed her where the bathroom was and told her she could use anything she needed. Five minutes later she came back out looking a lot neater than she had before.

"So I should probably go, thank you so much for last night. You guys are amazing and I am really, really sorry about everything. I'm Rosalie by the way, maybe I can take you out for coffee or something one day to thank you for this."

I told her that that would be lovely, after all I really did need some female friends and we exchanged numbers. She said goodbye to Seth and Jake and I walked her to the door. Before walking out she turned to me.

"I hope it is not too intrusive to ask, but I was wondering how everything went between you and the guy you called. There is this guy I like, Emmett, who no matter what I seem to do does not get the message that I am interested. So I figured that if telling a guy exactly how you felt worked for you it might work for me," she said hopefully.

I nervously cleared my throat and blushed to the roots of my hair. "It went well...really well actually, we are going out tomorrow night so..."

Rose smiled lightly "Really? That's great, Bella...thanks again for everything."

I told her that it wasn't a problem and she left. When I got back in Jake was sitting on the sofa with his face in his hands.

"I'm going to take him home," Seth said. I agreed that it was a good idea. Jake was clearly not feeling too great and I did not want to look after him. I wanted to lay on my sofa watching crap TV and smiling foolishly over my upcoming date.

Seth finally managed to hustle a moaning and green looking Jake out of my apartment and I was on my own.

I sat down on my sofa and turned the TV on, I was flicking through the channels when my mobile phone beeped.

I ran as quickly as my hung-over body let me to my bedroom to retrieve my phone. My insides were swirling, but not from nausea. There was the tiniest little chance that the message could be from Edward and that sent the butterflies soaring through my body.

I picked my phone up off the dressing table and looked at the screen. Before I could stop myself I was doing an excited dance on the spot. The message was from Edward.

I dashed back into the living room and threw myself onto the sofa, the hangover once again forgotten about.

I eagerly opened the message.

_Hi, Bella, how are you feeling today? I hope not too bad. Just wanted to check that it is ok for me to pick you up at 7pm tomorrow? I really cannot wait for our date, Edward x_

I read the message three times before screaming hysterically into the arm of my sofa.

He had said that he couldn't wait for our date; he had even put a kiss at the end of the message.

I was bursting with excitement and happiness. I had never been this affected by a guy, ever. Even back when Mike and I got together I felt nothing like I felt about Edward. Yes, I felt nervous, and happy, and excited. But, it was pretty dull compared to the overwhelming feelings I had with Edward.

I wondered what that meant. Did it mean that my feelings for Edward were stronger than they had ever been with Mike? Was it because I had never really done the whole dating thing? Was it because I was lonely?

I realised that it was all of these things. I was lonely, I had no problem admitting that. I had been on my own for such a long time. Even in my marriage, towards the end I felt alone.

I had never done the dating thing, never experienced that nervous excitement of knowing that a guy you really liked was on his way to your door to take you out because he really liked you. Sure when we were teenagers Mike took me out. But I was a kid and being picked up to be driven to a quiet spot to make out in the back of a car was not exactly the same.

But most importantly I was right about my feelings for Edward being potentially stronger than my feelings ever had been for Mike. I was not there yet; I wasn't ready to walk down the aisle like I had been with Mike. But, I was well aware that one day it could be a possibility. I was aware that I had never been as interested in a man like I was interested in Edward.

I was pretty sure I was going to be in our newfound relationship for the long haul. I knew it was too early to be thinking these things but I couldn't help it. The night before Edward said that everything he wants in his future includes me. Despite telling my self it was way too soon I felt the same. I wanted to be included in his future and I wanted him in mine.

I composed myself and prepared to reply to Edwards message.

_Hi, Edward, I have felt better but I'm fine, thanks. 7pm sounds perfect. Any clue on where we are going? I need to know what to wear. I'm really looking forward to our date too x._

I read the message what felt like a million times before I sent it. I had to make sure that everything sounded just right. It was stupid really, the fact that I was talking to Edward made everything just right in itself.

After I had sent the message I put the phone on the table and tried to watch the TV. I was ridiculously nervous about getting a message back. Was he still near his phone? Would he leave me hanging for a little while? I wasn't sure my stomach could take the waiting.

My answer came four minutes later when my phone buzzed on the table. I snatched it up quickly and read the new message.

_I am glad that you don't feel too bad. Wear something smart, casual & warm. It is getting colder in the evenings, I don't want you to get sick. I wasn't planning on going somewhere really dressy. Is that ok? x._

I giggled at the message. I couldn't imagine Edward taking me somewhere dressy. With his shyness and my clumsiness it was sure to be a disaster. Besides dressy just wasn't Edward, it just wasn't us.

I texted him back letting him know that wherever he had chosen to go would be great. We messaged each other back a few more times before our corresponding stopped.

~x0x~

Before I knew it, it was 6:50 on Sunday night.

I had spent my day in a fluster, flinging clothes around my room in the hopes of finding something half-decent for the date.

Eventually I found an okay grey skirt. It came to just above my knees and flared out slightly, giving it a flirty edge. I matched it with black tights, and heels. On top I wore a rather plane black tank top. It had a small collar and buttons down the front making it more of a blouse then a tank.

After doing my hair and adding a little bit of make-up I decided that I didn't look too bad. I really hadn't had much time to plan what to wear before the date, but was happy with the results.

I knew that if going out on dates with Edward was to become a regular thing (which I hoped it was) I was definitely going to have to do some shopping.

I was paced in my hallway, waiting for the knock on the door. I wanted to hear that sound desperately. I needed to see Edward. I almost craved him.

At 6:55 the knock finally came.

I threw myself at the door and swung it open with force.

Edward was smiling shyly at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

I was so happy that he was there. I can't explain exactly how I felt when I opened the door to him. It was as though a part of me that I didn't know was missing had been returned. I could live without that part but my life would be slightly darker with out. With it my eyes were opened to a new world of colour and hope.

I half wanted to stare at him, take in all that he was, and half wanted to throw myself at him, and attach myself to his side like a limpet on a rock.

"Hi," I said, my voice barely coming out above a whisper.

"Hi, Bella...you look really beautiful," he said

I bashfully lowered my eyes to the ground and blushed a thousand shades of scarlet. I slowly raised my eyes and looked him over from his feet to the tips of his messy and endearing hair.

He was wearing smart black jeans that looked brand new and a white shirt. The white mixed with the bronze, penny colour of his hair made a dramatic contrast. He looked outstanding.

"Thanks...you look great too...shall we go?" I asked.

He nodded lightly, the smile still plastered across his face.

I grabbed my jacket and we left. I tried to calm my nerves as we walked to the elevator. I wanted the evening to be so perfect. I then realised that I was with Edward, and I had no reason to be nervous. I was filled with the comforting knowledge that he wanted a relationship between us just as much as I. It was such a relief not to worry about mixed messages and missed signals. We had cleared the air the evening before, we were safe in the knowledge that both of us wanted to be there. I didn't need to worry about nerves, about the date being perfect. We were together-that already made the date as perfect as it could be.

**Ok guys please let me know what you think!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Some news: Love's Little Book is being translated into Spanish by Robert Ashley Cullen. I will put a link up on my profile page.**

**Thanks as always to Big Fairusa & Ginginleelee for being the best beta's ever. I know both of you have a lot going on in your life's at the moment. So thank you for taking the time to beta for me. It really means a lot to me.**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 16

We made our way outside. Our journey was silent, both of us unsure what to say. The air around us was thick with nervous tension, but it was not uncomfortable. It was more anticipation then fear.

It felt like the journey we had taken to get to that point was long and unsure, the road had been filled with the littlest of bumps and cracks that our minds had put there. But now the road in front of me was clear; it was straight and smooth, untarnished. My mind was made up. It knew what it wanted, and the thing that it wanted more than anything else was Edward.

I was just hoping that the nervous and shyness of his nature would not be too much of an issue, but even if it was, I was sure we could make it through. We had gotten so far already, the rest just had to be easy.

The cool air tamed the tension as we exited the building. I could see Edward's car parked across the road, but instead of walking to it he turned to face me.

"I was hoping we could walk to the restaurant tonight, it's about twenty minutes away...is that ok?" Edward asked, a little unsure of himself.

"That sounds great."

We started to walk down the road, the silence enveloping us again. Occasionally our hands would accidentally brush against each other's, sending tingles all through my body. I wanted to take his hand in mine and entwine our fingers but I didn't have the nerve.

In no time at all we made it to the restaurant.

"I, um, hope you like Italian," he said as he walked into the tiny restaurant.

I had never been there before - I had never even seen it. Although it was small it made up for it in atmosphere. The lighting was dark, most of the light coming from the candles that adorned every table. The walls were a light tan, giving the place a Tuscan feel.

It was beautiful and romantic.

A friendly waitress led us to our table and took my jacket from me before pulling out my chair.

The place was outstanding. It was just so perfect for our first date. I could never have picked a better place. It was completely and utterly Edward. It suited him perfectly. It had a gentle atmosphere; it was beautiful but not overstated. It was Edward just in a building which made me like it even more.

We sat down and I looked over at him. His eyes were darting nervously round the room, not once landing on me.

"This restaurant is lovely, Edward. Thank you for bringing me here," I said, trying to drag him out of the anxious state he had gotten himself into.

He looked over at me and nervously smiled. He blushed, then lowered his eyes again.

I felt my heart sink. This was not how I had wanted the date to go. I wanted to talk to him, to be with him. I knew we could do that, knew that we could be comfortable with each other. We had done it before at the shop. I just needed to find a way to transfer whatever had made it work there to the restaurant. To our date.

I reached across the table and gently put my hand on top of his.

"Edward, it's ok...it's just me, Bella. The girl who almost sanded a hole through your floor, the clumsy girl who fell on her ass outside the shop."

He took a deep breath and lifted his hand slightly to entwine his fingers with mine then he looked up at me and smiled.

"I'm sorry, I just panicked for a second. I'm a bit nervous. I have wanted this since the moment I saw you. I'm just scared that you're not going to like me as something more than a friend. That you're going to realise how boring I am or something," he said quietly.

I composed myself; I had to make Edward realise how much he meant to me.

"Edward, I know it took me some time to get to this point, I know I was a little blind in the beginning. But I assure you that I do like you, much, much more than a friend. There is nowhere I'd rather be right now then here...with you. Edward, I want you, I want to be with you more than anything. Nothing is going to change my mind. I. Want. You. For as long as you want me," I said sternly.

Both of us blushed, shocked at what I had just said, but I didn't regret saying it.

"I'll never not want you, Bella."

"Then you'd better get used to having me around, because I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to," he smiled at me, his eyes shining with joy. My stomach clenched deep inside me. The joy was there because of me...I wanted everything with him, for him, anything he wanted.

I felt like he had been so brave through life. Yes, things were tough for him. But he was always fighting to overcome the obstacles in his way, always trying so hard to get through everything that held him back.

I didn't want him to do it alone anymore. I had meant everything I said. I wanted to be with him in every way. I knew that it was not always going to be easy, knew that we may argue and times would sometimes be tough. But, my heart was blooming in my chest, it was pounding against my ribcage...for him. There was no turning back for me now.

I had fallen fast and deep. I just had to make him realise that.

Our moment was interrupted by the waitress. She handed us a menu each and asked what we wanted to drink.

"Would you like some wine?" Edward asked as his thumb brushed over the top of my hand turning my thoughts to mush.

I smiled and nodded.

Edward ordered our drinks with confidence and I knew right then that he was going to try. He was going to try and not be so nervous.

When the waitress left Edward let go of my hand to look over the menu. I instantly missed his touch but tried not to show it. I knew that in time there would be plenty of touching, I just had to be patient.

I opened up the menu and looked over it. Everything looked amazing.

"Have you been here before?" I asked.

"Yes, my parents brought me here a year or so ago and we've come back a couple of times since. When you agreed to go out with me it stood out as the perfect place to take you," he said with a smile.

"What would you recommend, everything looks so great. I don't think I can choose."

"Well, everything I have tried is really good. But, my favourite is the Carbonara."

The waitress came back over with our wine and asked if we were ready to order. Both Edward and I ordered the Carbonara then we were left alone again.

"Did you have a nice weekend?" Edward asked trying to make natural conversation.

"Yes, I did, thank you. I didn't really do anything yesterday. I had a bit of a hangover. Nothing compared to Jake and Rose, though. I think Seth had to practically carry Jake home the next morning."

Edward laughed softly. "Yes, he was quite a mess, I can still see him hanging out the window of that van, shouting."

"How was your weekend? Did you do anything interesting?" I asked.

"Not really, I went to my parents for dinner yesterday. My mother was so excited when I told her we were going out on a date. She is...very protective over me. When I first told her about you she knew that you would be special to me. She kept pushing me to ask you out, to do something about the way I felt about you. I kept putting it off and I think she thought I would never do it and gave up. So when I told her what had happened she was almost hysterical," he said, laughing.

"Did you tell her about the message?" I asked, almost panicking. I was glad she was happy for Edward but I didn't want people to know about the message. I was glad it had happened, it had brought me to Edward but I knew it wasn't my finest moment. I was still embarrassed about it.

His eyes widened, he could tell I was worried. "No, I didn't. That message will stay with me, just with me unless you decide otherwise. I just told her that we had talked and I asked you out and you said yes. She is very good at calming me down, without her help I may have not made it to your door tonight," he said smiling, letting me know he was joking.

"You're very close to her?" I asked.

He nodded. "She has given me everything. I would be lost without her. I know that I frustrate my father sometimes. I mean, he loves me and only wants to help but he has issues with understanding why I am the way I am. He wants to help me, to fix me. But, my mother is just fine with the way I am, she thinks I don't need fixing."

"So do I," I cut in before I could stop myself. "I don't think you're broken, I don't think you need to be fixed. You are great just the way you are. I like you just the way you are."

Edward lowered his eyes and blushed.

"My mother would love you...she would like to meet you. Obviously not now, I mean this is only our first date but maybe if we keep going out, if you would like to keep going out because after tonight you may not want to or something. But maybe if we did you could meet her...at some point," he rushed out in what seemed like one breath.

"I would love to meet her, and I would love to go out with you again."

He looked at me and grinned and I couldn't help but grin back. I felt like a teenager again. My stomach swirled with excitement. My cheeks hurt from smiling and I felt better and more alive than I had in years.

The rest of dinner passed in a blur of good food, good company and quite a lot of giggles and gentle flirting. Before I knew it, Edward was helping me into my coat and we were heading out of the restaurant.

We walked in silence once again but this time it was much more comfortable. His hand brushed mine just like the walk to the restaurant but this time he gently entwined his fingers with mine and lightly held my hand. He looked over at me to see if it was ok. I smiled and grasped his hand tighter letting him know that it was more than ok.

The walk back was over quickly and soon we were standing on the steps outside my apartment. I panicked slightly, wondering if I should invite him up for coffee. Would he think I invited him up for something more than coffee? Would it make him uncomfortable?

I was so unsure about how fast Edward wanted everything to move. I didn't want to push him, but I also didn't want him to think I was not interested.

I was not ready to have sex with Edward, that much I was sure of and I didn't think he was ready to have sex with me. I hadn't even thought about having sex with Edward before that point...but I knew that I wanted to, in the future. Just thinking about it brought a blush to my cheeks and I realised that I did want to very, very much.

"Well...um, I should go...I have to get up early in the morning. There's a delivery coming in...would you like to do something together...after work tomorrow...maybe?" Edward asked in a shaky and nervous voice.

"I would love to. I had a really great time Edward, really, really great," I said, blushing.

He took a step closer to me, bringing us nose to nose. I felt a shudder course through my body. I wanted him to kiss me, more than I had ever wanted anything in my life.

He leaned forward and brushed his lips softly over my cheek. My skin tingled where he touched me but it wasn't enough. I needed more.

"Edward," I murmured pleadingly, my voice sounding hoarse and desperate. I knew I could lean forward and kiss him myself but I didn't want that. I wanted him to kiss me, wanted him to want me.

He angled his head slightly, moving his lips away from my cheek to hover over my mouth. He brought his hands up to rest on my shoulders lightly and I could feel them shaking slightly with the tension of the situation we were in.

I was aching. My heart was pounding. My breath was ragged and my nerves raging. I could feel something building inside me with every second that passed. He was so close yet so very far and I needed his touch more than I needed air.

Slowly he closed the gap between us, and everything stopped.

His lips passed across mine so softly I barely felt it, but before I could panic and beg for more he was back.

He planted his lips on mine with a lot more pressure. I gasped as tingles burst from my lips and flowed through my body, making my toes curl in my shoes. My hands flew to his chest, my fingers tightly gripping the jacket he wore. His moved his from my shoulders to gently cup my face.

His lips moved once over mine, but he didn't deepen the kiss. He pulled his mouth away from my lips, but he didn't move away. I opened my eyes to see his shining back; he had a serene smile on his face. A smile of happiness. Of hope.

I was speechless. We didn't make out, we didn't cling to one another desperately, but it didn't matter. It was the most perfect kiss in the world. There would be time in our future for kisses full of passion and lust. This kiss was about a new beginning, a new beginning for both of us...together.

It was just so perfect. So Edward. So us.

He leaned forward and kissed me quickly again before separating himself from me completely. I missed him immediately and fought the urge to just throw myself into his arms.

"Good night, Bella, I will see you in the morning?"

I nodded lightly, not trusting myself to talk, and he smiled at my reaction, knowing quite well that he had rendered me speechless.

He backed away from me, smiling the whole time.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said shakily, wanting to say something instead of just standing there awestruck.

I waited until he got in his car and drove away before I rushed inside and up to my apartment. I collapsed against my front door as soon as I closed it and put my hand to my lips.

The night had been incredible, everything about it was amazing. Edward was amazing.

I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. Hope that I was not going to be alone anymore, hope that I had finally found that someone to have everything with, hope that my life had most definitely begun.

~x0x~

The next day I made my way to the book exchange with a spring in my step. I just couldn't wait to see Edward.

When I got there I rushed in, not able to wait any longer before I saw him again. He was at the back of the shop, looking inside the dozen or so boxes in front of him.

When he heard the door he looked up smiling widely and when he saw it was me. I knew that he had wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. He stood up straight and marched over to me.

Before I could say anything his lips were on mine. The kiss was hard and far more desperate than the one the night before, yet still he didn't deepen it.

When he pulled away he looked a little shocked at his actions.

"I'm sorry...I just missed you," he said, running a hand through his uncontrollable hair.

"Don't apologise for kissing me...ever. I like it and I missed you too," I said with a blush.

We spent the morning unpacking the new delivery. We didn't kiss or touch again but that didn't stop us gazing at each other, smiling and blushing every five minutes. Because of this it took us until lunch to get the delivery put away.

When we had finished, Edward left me in the shop on my own to go to the deli around the corner and get lunch for us.

I carried on sorting out the last of the new books while he was gone, anxious for him to get back.

I heard the door open and looked up with a massive smile on my face thinking it was Edward. But the smile soon faded and I was filled with panic.

In front of me stood a nervous looking Tanya.

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**I really hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think. I can't give you Bookward in a hand-basket. What I can give you is a teaser for the next chapter :D**


	17. Chapter 17

Love's Little Book

Chapter 17

"Hi, Bella," Tanya said with a genuine smile.

"Um…Tanya…hi," I responded awkwardly.

"Edward has just popped out for some lunch; he will be back soon if you wanted to wait."

Tanya bit her lip nervously, "actually I came to see you."

Instantly my mind went back to the night of Tanya and Edward's date. The night he walked out of their date because I drunk dialed him. The night our relationship began.

Edward told me that no body knew about the phone message I drunkenly left that night, but still I wondered how much she knew.

Had she put two and two together and figured out that I was the reason Edward was not with her? Did she want to shout at me, call me a slut and pull my hair?

I hoped not, I had never been in a fight and I was pretty sure Tanya could take me.

"Um…ok, sure," my voice was high pitched doing nothing to hide the fear and uncomfortableness that I felt at the prospect of conversing with her.

"I came to apologize. Bella, I am so sorry." I frowned with confusion. She looked sad, genuinely regretful and for the life of me I could not understand why, if anyone should be apologizing it should be me not her.

"Tanya, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do, I need to apologize for asking Edward out. When I came in here the other day I was just so taken aback by him. He is handsome, sweet, and gentle. The kind of guy I thought I needed in my life, so I asked him out. I shouldn't have done that. When I came in I saw it, felt it, the electricity between the two of you. The way he looked at you…I just wanted a guy to look at me like that. I'm so sorry Bella, I saw that there was something between you and I went after him anyway."

I looked at her in shock for a moment, unsure what to make of her sudden and unexpected apology.

"Tanya…god…you have nothing to apologize for. If anything, it should be me saying sorry to you or thanking you at least. If you hadn't asked him out then I would still be sat in here wondering if the feelings I had for Edward were worth pursuing. As horrible as it sounds you asking him out pushed me in the right direction."

She smiled a relived smile.

"Are you and him seeing each other now?" she asked.

I nervously nodded.

"I am really glad. I just want you to know that I am not some kind of tart who wanders around asking random men out. I have man issues you see, I get hit on all the time by womanizers. I used to like the attention, who doesn't like to be told their beautiful or sexy. Then I realized that they just wanted me as something that would look good on their arm, or, even worse, just for sex. I have been dumped and used more times than I can count. I knew that Edward was not that kind of guy, so blindly I just went for it. I just wanted you to know that…I am not that kind of woman."

I felt really bad for her and terribly, terribly guilty. Edward never gave Tanya a real chance because of me. I had called Edward whist he was on a date with another woman and told him I liked him. What the hell did that make me?

"Tanya, I called Edward…the night of your date I called him. I was drunk and upset and I called him and told him that I wanted to date him. That's why he left your date early, that's why he will not date you again. I have more reason to be sorry than you do. You asked him out knowing he had feelings for someone else, I asked him out whilst he was on a date with someone else…so I guess I'm the tart."

I was fully prepared for her to lash out but all she did was smile.

"Aren't we a pair? Bella, you are not a tart. I think we should just forget about the whole thing and maybe we could become…friends?"

I smiled at her and nodded. "Yes, friends, I would like that."

"Well, I had better go. Tell Edward that I will call him about our arrangement. If he still wants to work with me that is,"

I grimaced, I hadn't even though about how all of the drama could have affected Edwards business. If Tanya had turned around and said that she wanted nothing to do with the book exchange, anymore I would've been devastated.

"Of course he does. I will let him know, he has been working hard on sorting the books out for you."

"Oh good, thanks for listening and being honest with me. I guess I will see you around."

Minutes later, she was gone and I was letting out a shaky, nervous breath.

Somehow, Tanya and I had managed to avert what could have been a massive disaster. It could of got badly, we could of fought and shouted and she could of taken her business else where but she didn't.

I had always looked down at women like Tanya. I just assumed that their beauty made them arrogant and spoilt, that men fell on there knees and gave them anything they wanted, but that wasn't always the case.

Tanya's looks had given her nothing but trouble. She just wanted a guy that would treat her well; I couldn't blame her for that. She seemed genuine and kind, a person that I would be happy to have as a friend, a woman that any man should love and adore.

I wondered how Edward had chosen me above her, but as soon as the thought tumbled into my head, I dismissed it. Edward and I understood each other; we accepted each other despite our ticks and oddities.

That beat everything else every time.

The door opened and Edward walked in. I looked at him making him blush under my scrutiny. How lucky I was to have him.

I walked over to him and hugged him, just held him close to me. My arms were wrapped around him so tightly that I could feel his heart beating against my chest and it was beautiful. I promised myself then and there that I would never do anything to make Edward feel any less than he deserved.

By being with me he was putting his heart on the line, he was giving it to me to keep safe, to cherish and love and I would for as long as he would allow me to.

He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm not complaining, but what bought this on?" he asked softly.

"I just…Edward…."

I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. I just needed to be near him.

"Tanya, came in today, she just left," I murmured.

He abruptly pulled away, he put his hands both side of my face and held me gently. He gazed at me with concerned eyes.

"What happened? She wasn't horrible to you was she?" he asked worriedly.

I smiled to reassure him.

"No, she was lovely. She came to apologize to me for asking you out. She said she could see that there were feelings between us. It seems I was the only one that didn't realize," I said with a laugh.

"I just realize how lucky I am to have you…maybe…if dating goes well," I rushed to add not wanting to scare him with my declarations of undying devotion.

"I think I am the lucky one," he said before he kissed me lightly. I felt myself melting into him, but again he pulled away leaving me breathless and needing more.

"Come on, lets eat lunch," he said as he lead me further into the shop.

~x0x~

That evening he took me down to the sea front.

We ate burgers from a dinner and laughed, ran and giggled on the boardwalk. It was perfect, I felt like he was starting to opening himself up to me, but when he dropped me off that night he still kissed me chastely and lightly.

I told myself that it would just take a little time that he didn't want to rush things but after another week and another five dates, we were still no closer to a mind-blowing kiss.

Everything else had gone so well, he was more confident and less nervous around me.

It wasn't that Edward didn't kiss me, he did…often, but they were always quick, closed mouth pecks.

I told myself I was being stupid, that kissing Edward properly and thoroughly was not important…but it kind of was.

I wanted to feel passion, I wanted him to squeeze me and love me with his mouth. I needed to thread my hands into his thick and gloriously bizarre hair and hold him to me. I desired him, craved the heat. He was burning me alive but I had to have more.

I was deep in thought when a voice interrupted me.

"Sooo you're all moody and quiet…are things with Edward ok?" Jake asked.

We were sat on my sofa after another afternoon decorating and my concerned mood was beginning to show.

"It's nothing…girl stuff I guess," I muttered.

"Ok, I am going to guess that this is an Edward problem. I know I'm not a girl, but I am still your best friend. I kinda love you Bells, in a sisterly way of course. I would do anything or listen to anything you had to tell me…so spill, what's up?"

I sighed.

"Things between us are great, we get on really well and I love spending time with him. It's just that he doesn't seem to want to kiss me."

His eyebrows rose, "he doesn't want to kiss you?"

"Yes, no…I don't know. He gives me little kisses but nothing…substantial." I said blushing feeling like an idiot for talking to Jake about that kind of stuff.

"So, you would like to take your physical relationship to the next level?" he asked with a grin.

I felt so stupid for bringing the whole thing up and to then have Jake look at me as though I was funny sent me over the edge.

"Yes, I am not asking him to fuck me silly; I just want to kiss him properly. Is that to much to ask? To kiss my boyfriend? Stop laughing at me."

Jake put his hands up, "ok, ok, I'm sorry, Bella, I wasn't laughing at you. Do you want to know what I think?"

I nodded.

"I think that Edward would love nothing more than to kiss you, but he is Edward and Edward is nervous, uncomfortable and above all a gentleman. He is probably unsure if you want him to kiss you like that; he is probably utterly terrified of loosing you."

"So what should I do?"

"Just make it clear that you are ready to move things forward a little bit. You knew that getting into a relationship with Edward would not be easy, you have to be more forward, don't just wait for him. Make the first move."

I nodded. I knew Jake was right. I couldn't just wait for Edward to move things on, maybe he had been waiting for me to let him know it was what I wanted, maybe he was scared to do it on his own.

I vowed that when I saw him later that evening I would make it clear that I was ready and willing to move forward.

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**Thanks for all the amazing reviews. Please let me know what you think : )**


	18. Chapter 18

Love's Little Book

Chapter 18

I was pacing my apartment taking deep and calming breaths. It was important to stay calm, calmness was imperative when preparing to throw yourself at your possibly reluctant boyfriend.

The thought that Edward might not want to kiss me had entered my mind more than a few times. I told myself that I was being stupid, that of course he wanted to kiss me. Yet, he had never given me any sign that he wanted that.

I knew Edward liked me, knew he might even love me, but what I was completely unsure about was if Edward desired me.

God I wanted him to want me.

Getting intimate with Edward was something I had been thinking about fairly often. I tried not to, I tried to think of other things but nothing worked.

My mind had created haunting and rather adult images of us entangled together, sweating, panting, touching…licking.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and decided to check on the dinner for the gazillionth time.

I was making us a simple lasagne, (I wasn't the best cook in the world) and after that, we were going to settle down and watch a movie. That's when I intended to make my move.

I didn't know why I was so nervous. Part of me just wanted to leave it and let nature take its course in its own time. The other part of me thought that I would just die if I didn't have some lip locking action with Edward soon.

The desperate, dirty side of my brain won.

I let out a nervous squeak at the sound of my doorbell and quickly made my way to the door.

When I opened it Edward gave me a smile then let his eyes trail over me. I had made an effort to look good for him, to look good for me. God knew I needed the courage to do what I was planning to do. Dressing confidently seemed like a good place to start.

I was wearing the tightest pair of skinny jeans I owned and a black tank top that showed just enough cleavage to get a mans blood racing, but not look to slutty.

"Bella…you look…great," he mumbled.

I felt my cheeks heat up with a blush.

"Thanks, Edward, you look nice to," I replied as I admired his black shirt.

I opened the door wider and he walked in.

"Sorry for the paint smell. Jake was here earlier and we decided to get a little more decorating done," I said as I joined him in the living room.

"That's ok, it's looking great,"

I nodded and smiled. Jake and I had finished the living room and had started painting the hallway a beautiful pale yellow.

Finally, my home was starting to look like mine. It was brighter, happier, and homelier.

I looked back at Edward. He looked away from me quickly, trying to hide the fact that he had been checking me out.

My stomach clenched and I felt a little sick…in a good way.

He obviously found me attractive, which was a relief.

In his hand was a bottle of wine that he was clutching so tightly I was afraid the glass would shatter. I took a small step towards him and took the wine.

"Thanks,"

He leaned down the kissed me softly. I felt my heart flutter in my chest at the contact.

"Your welcome."

"Take a seat, dinner will be ready in a minute," I said as I headed to the kitchen.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he called after me.

"No thanks, I'm fine, just make yourself comfortable."

Honestly, there was plenty Edward could have done to help me in the kitchen, but I just needed the space to compose myself.

I pulled the lasagne out of the oven and dished it up telling myself that everything was going to be fine as I worked.

I carried the plates in and put them on the dinning room table where Edward was sitting, then rushed back into the kitchen to get a bottle opener and glasses.

When I returned Edward stood and held his hand out.

"I think I should open the bottle, the last thing we need is a trip to the ER," he said with a little wink.

I blushed knowing he was probably right. My clumsiness was something Edward loved to make fun of. Not in a malicious, mocking way, but in a playful almost tender way.

He opened the wine, poured us two glasses and we sat down to eat.

"This is amazing Bella," he said after a few mouthfuls. I decided not to tell him that lasagne was the only thing I was capable of making, anything else I attempted to make turned into a disaster.

"Thanks,"

We chatted lightly over our meal. I was trying to act normal, to not seem nervous. I knew my nervousness would just put Edward on edge so I did my best to hide it.

If my nerves were showing he seemed not to notice, he was just his normal, beautiful, bashful self.

After dinner, we settled on the sofa and put on the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film.

The movie was not my choice. It was just a distraction. I was thinking about kissing Edward and Johnny Depp was on the TV so I began thinking about kissing him, which got me even more worked up than I was before, especially when I thought about them kissing each other. I had no idea where that image came from but I had to shut it down. I was blushing so hard I was probably glowing in the dark.

Edward had his arm loosely around me, I was cuddled into his side feeling thank full that he could not see my face as I contemplated how to brooch the whole subject of making out.

I felt like a teenage girl again, my stomach was whirling around like a washing machine. I was breaking out into a cold sweat. It was as if I had never kissed a guy before.

There was no way that I could bare the tension growing inside me any longer. I knew then that it was now or never.

I snuggled a little closer to him, really pressing myself into his side. His arm tightened around me and he looked down at me and smiled.

I could only see one side of his face, the room was dark the only light coming from the flicking images on the TV screen. Colors danced across one-half of Edwards face, over his high cheekbone, chiseled jaw and full lips.

"Edward, kiss me," I murmured.

He smiled and leaned down and kissed me softly, he pulled away too quickly.

"Again," I demanded.

His lips descended upon mine once more. He lingered a little longer, pressed a little harder and my heart thumped wildly in my chest, but again it was over to quickly and he retreated away from me.

My hand grabbed his shirt and I clung to him. The fabric was rough in my palm, my fingers stiff with the intensity of my hold.

He looked at me, his eyes searching mine questioning what I was doing, what I wanted.

He had to know, had to know how much I craved him, how he consumed me and drove me to the brink of craziness.

"Edward," I whined desperately, wantonly.

His eyes moved from mine, lower to my lips and I knew then that he knew.

Slowly, ever so slowly he closed the gap again.

His lips softly attached themselves to mine, but he pulled away and looked at me; his eyes looked dark, feral. The intensity of his gaze sent fire through my veins.

"Bella," he almost groaned, his voice deeper and rougher than I had ever heard it.

He came towards me again, and I knew that the kiss would be different.

I met him in the middle, our lips molded to each others as they opened. My tongue wasted no time in tentatively finding his.

At the first touch of our tongues, nature took over.

Our lips moved hurriedly as we consumed one another. I could taste his desperation, the desperation we both shared.

His arm that had been around me moved upwards, his fingers curled into my hair and cradled the back of my skull holding me where I was. It was unnecessary, there was nowhere I would have rather been.

Our lips danced with one another as things spiraled further and further out of control. Suddenly I wasn't close enough to him. I knelt up bringing me level to him so he wasn't hunched over me. Our kisses deepened.

His spare hand landed on my waist and traveled to my lower back keeping me close. Mine landed on his firm shoulders anchoring myself to him.

I had never been kissed with such passion, such longing. I never wanted it to end, never wanted my lips to be without his again.

Soon we both needed more. He started pulling me and I followed him until I was on his lap, my legs either side of his. His arms encircled me and crushed me to him.

My hands shamelessly explored him; they traveled to any part of him that they could reach before settling in his glorious hair. I tugged on the strands and he groaned into my mouth.

That groan was my undoing; it was the last snap on the band of my control. I pressed myself into him, squirmed above him as I brazenly took any type of contact that I could from him. I pulled my lips from his and attached them to his jaw, his neck.

"Jesus…Bella," he moaned at my onslaught.

He lightly gripped my face and pulled me back to him, again we kissed with such passion the breath was stolen from me.

One of his strong arms wrapped around my waist, his hips raised and he pushed himself against me.

He was hard, so, so hard and I was aching. It felt so good to have that contact, to feel his want for me pressed against the place where I needed him. A small wave of pleasure swept through me and I let out a startled noise, half moan, half cry.

That's when everything stopped.

Edward froze beneath me and before I could process what was happening he was pushing me off him and I was on the sofa alone.

He stood in front of the TV allowing me to only see his silhouette.

I felt a cold coil of dread consume me. What had we done? What had I done?

Had I pushed him to hard? Should I have just waited for him to make the move when he was ready?

I lent over and flicked the switch on the tiny lamp that sat on a small table by the side of the sofa.

I needed to see his face, needed to know what he was thinking so I could fix it.

I was momentarily taken aback by his appearance and I felt my lady bits clench in appreciation.

Edward looked like he had been well and truly sexed up.

He was panting heavily his chest rising and falling at an impressive rate; his clothes were creased and crumpled where I had pulled at them. His hair was sticking up all over the place where my fingers had run through it, had gripped it. His lips were swollen, probably matching my own where we had devoured each other and he was sporting a fairly impressive bulge in the front of his jeans.

He was aroused, and I had been the one that has caused it. I felt a sliver of pride fill my chest, but that all disappeared when I looked at his eyes.

They shone bright green, greener than I had ever seen them. His pupils were dilated with his hunger and desire but all of that was drowning in the fear that dominated his emerald orbs.

"Bella…shit…I am so sorry, I can't believe I just did that," he said shakily.

I frowned wondering why he felt the need to say sorry. I had thrown myself at him, demanded his kisses, shamelessly felt him up at the first available opportunity.

"Um…why?" I asked.

His eyes widened as though he could not believe I didn't know.

"Because I just…attacked you. I treated you like an animal…rubbing myself on you," he squeezed the bridge of his nose slightly with the tips of his fingers, as though saying the words made the reality that much harder to deal with.

"Oh god," he murmured.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

How had I ended up with someone as imperfectly perfect as Edward?

"Actually Edward, I really quite liked it," I said brazenly, knowing again that I had to be the brave one.

His eyes shot to mine in disbelief.

"Really, you liked that?"

I nodded and bit my lip starting to feel a little shy.

"Oh…I liked it to," he said with a blush. "I just thought you might want to take things slowly."

"Edward, if we go any slower we will stop completely."

He looked up at me and smiled.

"Yeh, I guess you're right…So, you're not angry at me?"

How he could think that I would be angry with him was beyond me. He had given me the best, most incredible, world falteringly passionate experience of my life. The only thing I was angry about was the fact that we stopped, even though I knew going any further would have been a bad idea.

"No, Edward."

I patted the seat next to me, hoping that he would calm down and sit with me again. We didn't have to make out. I just wanted him close.

He walked over to the lamp, turned it off and sat down.

He wrapped his arms around me and let out a happy, content sigh.

'God I adore him' I thought as I tried to carry on watching the film. That didn't last long; we managed two whole minutes before our lips were on each other's again.

I had a feeling that making out was about to become our new favorite pass time. And that was perfectly fine with me.

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**So there you go. I hoped you liked it now that things are moving along. **

**Please leave a review if you can. It takes two minutes to do, but makes me feel like I am stood on the top of the world. **

**I hope that the next chapter coming up very, very soon!**


	19. Chapter 19

Love's Little Book

Chapter 19

I was in a blissful state.

Since that fateful night in my apartment, Edward and I had perfected the art of making out. If kissing were a sport, we would have been world champions, that's how good we were at it.

We kissed in my apartment, in his car, on our dates, in the shop…everywhere, anywhere.

It was glorious.

Edward had gotten over all the concerns he had before and now kissed me openly and passionately whenever he could. However, if things started getting a little heavy he would pull back and we would slow down.

I respected his boundaries. Of course I wanted to go further, but I was willing to wait a little longer if that was what he wanted.

I let out a happy and dreamy sigh; everything was just so…great.

"What is the matter with you?"

I was pulled out of my dreamy and blissful daze by my mother who was looking at me suspiciously from the other side of the table.

We were on another one of our mother and daughter lunches and I was doing my best not to let her know about Edward and me.

It was not because I was trying to hide our relationship, or that I was ashamed. It was because I knew that the minute mom found out, she would insist on Edward coming to dinner.

Watching my mom have someone over for a meal was disturbing. She made the most perfect Stepford wife ever when it came to entertaining, and I was pretty sure Edward was not ready for that. I was pretty sure I wasn't ready for that.

"I don't know what you mean?" I said faking innocence.

"It's a man isn't it?" she accused.

"What! No, why would you think that?"

"Isabella Swan, I am your mother, and it is a mother's job to know these things. I'm sure you have heard of a mother's intuition. Well, I have it in spades and I know you are hiding something from me and I suspect it is about a man,"

"Yes…well…you're wrong," I stuttered.

She gave me a knowing smile but didn't push any further.

Mom had really learnt her lesson after the whole Jake incident. She still cared, and still took an active interest in my life but she had stopped pushing. She had realized that I had to do things on my own and that meddling was only going to make things worse.

She still worried, but I think she was proud of me. Proud of the life I was making for myself all on my own. She had come to the conclusion that I could sort everything out all on my own and had stepped aside to let me get on with it.

I was angry with her for a long time after she set me up with Jake. However, I couldn't stay angry with her for long. She didn't mean it maliciously; she did not do it for entertainment or for herself. She did it because she was worried about me, because she loved me. How could I stay angry with her for that?

Besides, without her meddling I would have never met Jake. If I had never met Jake I would of not been able to change the book exchange the way I did, I would of not gone to his birthday party and gotten drunk enough to call Edward, and if I hadn't drunk dialed Edward, we would of probably never gotten together.

Plus, Jake was one of the best friends I could ever ask for. So in the end it all worked out for the best.

In some weird, twist of fate my mothers annoying, unnecessary and insistent meddling had actually helped me, just not in the way that either of us expected.

After chatting a little longer, I left. I wanted to get ready. That night for the first time, I was going to Edwards place. I had no idea where he lived, or what it was like but I didn't mind I was just happy that he wanted me to go there.

I wondered what it would be like. Did Edward have a style? Would it be messy? I didn't think so. It was all so new and exciting. Well…for me at least.

When Edward asked me if I would like to go to his place, he stuttered and stumbled over his words. It was a big deal for him to ask me over. I had a feeling that not many people had seen the inside of Edwards home and I felt privileged to be one of the few.

Later on that day, when he turned up at my door to pick me up he looked like a nervous wreck. He looked unsure but determined, I couldn't stop myself from grabbing his collar and pulling him down to me so I could kiss him.

He looked a little calmer once I was done and we left hand and hand.

The drive to his apartment took fifteen minutes. It was in an upscale area of town that I was not familiar with.

Apartments, small parks, and little boutiques littered the area. It was nice, pretty and looked fairly far out of my league.

I grew unexplainably nervous as Edward pulled into an underground garage under one of the up market looking apartment blocks.

It was bizarre to see the difference between me and Edward painted so clearly. I knew he had to have some money, running a business like the book exchange had to be expensive, especially when he was getting hardly any custom at all.

I had just never really thought about it before. To see it so obviously bought back a few of my insecurities.

One of our problems was that we constantly thought we were not good enough for the other. I knew it was stupid, I think he found it stupid as well. But, that's what happens when two nervous people get together.

He parked the car, reached across and took my hand. His thumb rubbed a light pattern on my flesh making me tingle.

I looked up at him.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

I nodded lightly; I didn't want to give him any more reason to worry.

"It's just an apartment, just the place where I sleep. It looks grand…but its not who I am."

I leaned across and kissed him again because I just had to.

So we were insecure, nervous, weirded out by all types of thing, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter because we knew each other and if one of us were feeling down, out of our comfort zone, weak, the other would be there to pick you back up again. That was our strength.

Soon we were stood outside his door.

With shaking hands, he opened it and motioned for me to go in.

I entered slowly, quietly. He rushed in behind me, flicked on the lights and closed the door.

"So…um…this is me," he said as he came to stand beside me.

I looked around taking everything in. I thought before that Edward didn't have his own style but I was wrong. The room was a deep shade of red with dark floorboards. His sofa matched the walls and faced a home cinema system.

On the far side of the room was a dinning room table, the wood looked old and worn, almost antique. The effect of all this was warmth and sophistication. It looked delightfully old, as though it had been perfectly maintained over years and years.

It seemed like the type of room that should have been in a small cottage on the coast, where you could light I real fire in the winter to fight off the cold and snuggle on the sofa with cups of coco and a good book.

"I love it Edward, its beautiful…can I see the rest?" I asked uncertainly.

I didn't want to push him to show me around the rest of his home, but I had to see more.

"Of course," he reached out and took my hand before pulling me to a closed door on the other side of the room.

He opened it exposing a large kitchen.

"This is the kitchen."

Again, it was old looking, like a farmhouse kitchen. He had modern appliances, which had been chosen carefully to match the decor.

"Do you cook a lot?" I asked, thinking that the kitchen would be a chief's dream.

"Um no, me and cooking don't mix. I would probably burn the place down," I smiled, another thing we had in common.

He pulled me away. We exited the kitchen and crossed the living room to the three closed doors on the other side.

The first was his bathroom. It was simple with a large white bathtub, shower and black and white tiles.

He paused at the next room.

"This is my bedroom," he said awkwardly.

I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to show me if he didn't want to, but I wanted to see. I wanted to know where he slept at night.

He opened the door and flicked the light switch. His walls were at ocean blue and in the middle was a large double bed.

I gulped and tried not to think about Edward and me in that bed together.

We were silent.

Tension prickled the air and it took every ounce of energy and concentration that I owned not to drag him in there, throw him on the bed and have my wicked way with him.

I backed out the room and Edward closed the door. I was glad the awkward moment had passes, but told myself I had plans for that room later.

He pulled me to the last door.

"This is my favorite room…it's special to me," he opened the door and I smiled. In front of me was a library.

I walked in and browsed the floor to ceiling shelves.

"How many of these books did you take from the shop?" I asked teasingly.

He blushed and shrugged. "Perks of the job I guess."

He pulled me over to one particular shelf.

All the books looked old, some even enclosed in protective covers.

"All of these are special editions, limited editions or first editions. This is what I like to do, collect rare books."

I looked at them in awe.

"What one is the oldest?" He stood behind me and lifted himself up onto his tiptoes to reach a book on one of the highest shelves. He pressed his body into me and I suppressed a groan, every time he touched me, I shuddered and shivered.

"This is a first edition of Wuthering Heights, it was first published in 1847," he said as he pulled the book down.

I looked at the old, plastic cover and cringed I could not even begin to imagine how much it must of cost.

"Have you read it?" he asked.

"Um…no, I am not much of a reader."

"I think you should read it, I think you would like it." He shuffled me to the back of the room, where there was a small desk, chair, and placed the book on the desk.

"Why don't you have a look through it whilst I go and order us some food," he said as he gently pushed me down to sit in the chair.

"I…um…no, I couldn't," I stuttered.

There was no way I wanted to touch that book. I was too scared that I would ruin it.

"It will be fine, it is tougher than it looks," he kissed the top of my head and left the room.

I sat there for a moment and looked at the book. Edward trusted me with one of his prized possessions and I was nervous as hell about it.

Gingerly I opened the cover. A musty smell of age flooded from the pages.

I flicked through and stopped at a random page.

'_Terror made me cruel; and finding it useless to attempt shaking the creature off, I pulled its wrist on to the broken pane, and rubbed it to and fro till the blood ran down and soaked the bedclothes; still it wailed, "Let me in!" and maintaining its tenacious grip, almost maddening me with fear.'_

The words made me shiver and a deep eeriness set in. Books had never been very interesting to me, but they were interesting to Edward and for that reason, I was willing to at least give them a try.

I read for a further ten minutes, then Edward came in and told me that the pizza had arrived.

We sat on his couch and ate.

"So, do you want me to lend you a copy of Wuthering Heights? I have a newer copy of it so you don't need to worry about ruining it."

"Maybe you could read it to me," I said wanting him to share his passion for books with me.

He looked over at me and smiled.

After dinner, we settled down on the sofa. Edward sat at one end with the book in hand, and I laid at the other with my feet in his lap.

His voice was deep and rhythmic as he read the words written long ago. They were poetic, romantic and painful.

He had never been more confident or more attractive than he was in that moment.

It was almost as though reading someone else's words gave him the freedom to be bolder and braver. He was absorbing, beautiful in the low lighting of the room as the words flowed from his mouth to me.

'_Heathcliff gradually fell back into the shelter of the bed as I spoke, finally sitting down almost concealed behind it. I guessed, however, by his irregular and intercepted breathing, that he struggled to vanquish an access to violent emotion.'_

I could take no more.

I sat up and crawled over to him. He stopped reading and watched me approach. I saw his Adams apple bob heavily in his throat as a straddled him then I gently kissed him.

"I assume that you are bored with reading?" he whispered shakily when I released his lips from mine.

I nodded lightly.

He smiled and dropped the book before his arms wrapped around me. He pulled me to him and our lips met in a hungry kiss.

The kiss built and built in intensity. I squirmed against him and felt him hard beneath me. Edward pulled away from the kiss and went to gently push me off him. This was always the point where he pulled away, where he stopped us before anything went any further.

"No," I whispered into his mouth as I kissed him again.

His body stiffened.

"Edward it's ok…just let me make you feel good," he moaned loudly before he crushed his lips to mine.

I rolled my hips repetitively into his, applying just the right amount of pleasure to his intimate parts to make him groan again.

"Bella you drive me crazy," he panted between kisses as he spiralled further and further out of control. His hands were at his sides, stiff as a board as he tried to reel himself in. Even in a state of bliss, he was awkward.

I lifted his hand and placed one on my waist and the other I bought to my breast.

He looked at me wide eyed. Half in fear and half in wonder.

"Edward, touch me," I said as I placed his hand on me.

His fingers moulded into the curve of my breast then he kissed me with an intensity I never thought he could have possessed. His other hand slipped down to my hip and he pulled me tighter into him as his hips rose to mine. His movements hit me exactly where I needed him and I moaned desperately into his mouth.

Our hands were all over each other, pushing and pulling, caressing and squeezing as we moved frantically against each other.

Edward was moaning and groaning into my neck between ravenous kisses. I was whimpering, as my body grew tighter and tighter. My hands flew to his shoulders and I dug my fingers into his flesh trying to hold on as the pleasure built to bursting. My body pulsed and throbbed and a wave of heart spread from my loins throughout my body.

I heard myself call out his name in a breathy and scratchy voice. Edward followed soon after his eyes crunched closed; he buried his face in the crook of my neck and let out a guttural cry.

I collapsed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. Our bodies twitched in the aftermath of our orgasms and our breathing began to settle.

I couldn't believe what I had just done, but I didn't regret it. I had gone to long without an orgasm and having one with Edward, someone I cared deeply about, just made everything extreme.

"Bella, you are just…amazing," Edward said as he raised his head.

"You're amazing to," I whispered.

He smiled at me and kissed me gently.

After we had both cleaned ourselves up we laid back down on the sofa, I snuggled into his chest and he carried on reading to me. One of his hands played with my hair as he read. I felt content, comfortable and satisfied.

His voice was soothing and calming and it wasn't long before my eyes grew heavy and I drifted off to sleep.

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**Gah…well I really hope you liked it. *holds breath and prays* Please let me know what you thought so I can keep myself from having a panic attack LOL.**


	20. Chapter 20

Love's Little Book

Chapter 20

I woke in the morning disorientated.

I was covered with a blanket, in an unfamiliar room.

Someone's arm was wrapped around my waist, it squeezed me tighter to the body behind me and everything came flooding back.

Edward's apartment, Wuthering Heights, the amazing moment on the sofa.

I let out a massive sigh of contentment.

"Morning," Edward murmured before he kissed my neck.

I twisted around so I was facing him. He looked sleepy, his hair was sticking up all over the place and he looked happy, really, really happy.

"Morning," I said back.

He smiled and kissed me lightly.

"Sorry I fell asleep on you last night," I said.

"Don't worry, I liked it, I could get used to waking up next to you every day," he said confidently.

I blushed, thinking that sounded amazing.

He kissed me again until I was breathless.

In a move that surprised me, he rolled on top of me, his kisses getting deeper and deeper. I was shocked by his boldness but couldn't complain.

He knelt above me, staying close and peppered kisses down my neck. His hand slipped under the blanket and gripped my hip, and then ever so slowly he started moving it upwards under my shirt.

I let out a strangled moan at the feel of his hand on my skin. I was baffled at his sudden confidence, stunned by his bravery and completely overwhelmed by his touch.

I grasped the back of his neck and pulled him to me. I was prepared to take things slowly, to move things forward at a gentle pace but Edward was making it hard to remain well behaved.

My restraint flew out the window and I knew that things between us were not going to stop.

Just when I was preparing to throw all sense out the window, a knock on the door interrupted us.

We paused exactly where we were in stunned silence. The knock sounded again and we sprang into action. Edward flew off me as if he had been kicked.

"I forgot…my mom," he stuttered in a panic.

I could feel the color drain from my face, meeting Edward's mother, after being partially ravished by him, was not the way I wanted introductions to go.

I could only imagine what I looked like. Lips swollen from kissing, clothes wrinkled from sleeping in them all night and from Edwards groping.

I was panicking. What would she think of me?

Edward went to the front door and opened it.

I stood from the sofa and rubbed my hands over my clothes and hair, hoping that it would make me look at least a little more presentable.

A petite woman with auburn hair stood on the other side of the door. She walked in chatting away to Edward not noticing anything out of the ordinary.

Then her eyes landed on me.

She stopped walking and talking simultaneously.

"Oh," she said with surprise.

She looked at me and then back at Edward. She processed what she saw and a wide smile spread over her face.

"Um, mom, this is Bella…Bella this is my mom Esme." Edward said.

Esme rushed towards me.

"I have heard so much about you Bella, it really is a pleasure to meet you…even if its slightly unexpected," she gave me a small but genuine hug.

When she pulled away, an awkward silence descended on all of us.

"Well…I should probably go," I said, thinking only of getting out of the awkward situation.

"You can't, how will you get home?" Edward asked protectively.

"Bus, I guess. I really don't want to intrude."

"You're not getting the bus, I will drive you." Edward said.

"Please don't bother yourselves on my account. We were just going to go out for a spot of breakfast. We can postpone it, or you could join us. I would like that," Esme said with a hopeful and friendly smile.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to intrude on their mother, son time, but I didn't want Esme to think I was being rude by turning her down.

I just stood there silently, probably looking as panicked as I felt.

I may have been married before but all of this was new to me. Meeting your future husband in high school takes away all of the awkward introductions and adult situations.

On paper, I looked experienced; in reality, I was winging it.

"I am just going to use your bathroom whilst you two make up your minds," Esme said cheerily before leaving the room. Clearly, she realized we needed a moment alone to talk, which I was grateful for.

"I would really like it if you came with us," Edward said.

"Edward…I can't. I mean, I'm still in last nights clothes for god's sake. Maybe I should properly meet her another time. I will be fine getting home from here, really." I said hoping he would agree.

"We can go to yours first so you can change and then go to breakfast. It doesn't matter if we open the book exchange a little later today."

"Edward, I'm not sure it's the right time to start meeting parents," I protested.

He laughed.

"It's a little too late for that. Look, I'm serious about this, serious about you and me. You…god, Bella, you're just amazing and I'm completely and utterly taken aback by you. I want you to meet my mom. I want her to get to know my girlfriend because I'm kind of hoping your going to be around for a long time. I cannot tell you how much you mean to me, how important you are. I know I have not known you long but I'm head over heels for you. It doesn't matter if you meet my parents today, tomorrow or ten years from now, but your both here so why not?"

I stood and stared at him.

He had spoken with such confidence, such honestly and I was speechless.

My heart was beating frantically. 'What exactly did 'head over heels for you' mean? Did it mean love? Was that Edwards way of telling me he loved me?

I didn't know what to think. It was far too early to make sweeping declarations of love wasn't it? Even if we felt them. Did 'head over hills for you' mean all the things we shouldn't say?

I hoped so. It may have been too soon but it didn't make the feelings less real.

"What…what did you just say?" I asked.

He smiled and took a step towards me.

"I want you to meet my parents?" He asked, knowing exactly what I meant but deciding to tease me instead. I smiled and blushed in return.

"No, not that."

He took another step.

"You're amazing?"

I shook my head and he came a step closer.

"You're important to me?"

I laughed, tears filling my eyes as he came and stood directly in front of me. He rested his hands on his waist and pressed his forehead lightly on mine.

"Was it the head over heels part?"

"Yeh, it was that, I think I need you to repeat that part again," I whispered, hoping that we were thinking the same thing. That the meaning was the same for both of us.

"Bella Swan, I am completely and utterly head over heels for you…Bella…I…I know it is too soon to say this but…I love you," he whispered.

I giggled as tears spilled over my eyes and feel down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying and I felt pretty stupid for doing it but I couldn't stop myself.

"Edward, I feel the same," I replied meaning it so, so sincerely. It may have been too soon, but I didn't care. I had never had feelings for anyone like the feelings I had for Edward. In a short space of time he had become that very important someone in my life. I couldn't not let him know that.

He leaned down and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him as happiness burst outward from the inside of me.

"Oh my word!"

We broke apart from each other to look over at an equally cheery Esme, who had obviously seen our declarations and display of affection.

"You are definitely coming to breakfast now, I must know everything about you Bella," Esme said excitedly.

Sure I was nervous about sitting down and having a conversation with Esme, but none of that mattered, not when Edward would be sitting by my side.

Esme was happy to make a quick stop off at my apartment on the way to breakfast. Both Esme and Edward stayed in the car whilst I quickly changed into fresh, clean clothes.

Then we headed to a cafe for food.

All of my fears about meeting Esme were unfounded. She was friendly, funny and genuinely interested in what I had to say.

She didn't judge me over my failed marriage, didn't question why I never went to college or how I got into volunteering at the Book Exchange.

She spoke about her family with Edward and explained things to me that I didn't understand, making sure that I didn't feel left out. When Edward placed his hand on mine, which was lying on top of the table, she didn't bat an eyelid, she just let us carry on without making anything awkward.

"Well, is that the time," she said looking at her watch.

"I suppose I better let you two get on with your day, I didn't mean to keep you both so long."

"No worries mom, it is always good to see you. I will just go and pay," Edward planted a kiss on my cheek and left Esme and me alone.

"Bella, I feel like I have to let you know how grateful I am to you. I have never seen Edward like this before, never seen him so happy and it started when you came to work with him."

I blushed and looked away; I had never been good at accepting compliments or praise.

"I mean it Bella; I cannot believe the monumental change that began in him when he met you. He has grown in confidence, in spirit and it is wonderful to see. I never thought I would see him like this…its fantastic to see how he much he has changed over the last few months, and that is all because of you," she said with shiny, tear-socked eyes.

You could see how much Esme loved her son; it was in the way she so animatedly talked about him, in the way she looked at him when they were together. You could see the love and pride painted clearly in her muddy blue eyes.

I couldn't help but think she gave me too much credit for Edward's growth. Sure, I had played a part, but he had been the one to make the changes within himself. He had been the one to open him self up to a relationship and friendship.

"Its nice that you think that but it's not true, the change is because of him. You should have seen me a few months ago, I was a shell of the person I am now. We didn't change each other, we helped each other change ourselves," I said honestly.

"You love him?" Esme asked.

I looked over at Edward; he was stood at the till in front of a bored looking assistant getting flustered because he couldn't get his money out of his wallet. His face was bright red and he looked beyond embarrassed.

Other women might look at him and wish he were a little more self assured, wish that he was suave and cool, but not me. I liked Edward just the way he was and I wouldn't want him any other way.

"Yeh…I do,"

Esme smiled, "he feels the same way, I can see it,"

She paused.

"When Edward loves, he loves with his whole heart and he lets that love consume him. I have seen it before, not with a girl friend, but with our dog when he was a child, and with the books he collects. It's intense."

She wasn't trying to put me off she was trying to prepare me, and I was grateful for it. However, it was an unnecessary warning. I knew I could handle him, and hoped I understood him better than most. I knew there would be good times and bad times, but as long as Edward and I stuck together I was sure we would get through it.

Edward walked back over the table and we got up to leave, as soon as I was standing, his hand took mine.

We dropped Esme back at Edwards, where she had left her car and headed to work. I looked out the window as Edward drove and watched the world pass me by. The day was overcast, but all I could see was color.

My life used to be shades of Grey, but suddenly everything was bright and full of life. The dark days were gone and I hoped that in the future all I would see is light.

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**Thanks for reading, teasers for reviewers : )**


	21. Chapter 21

Love's Little Book

Chapter 21

"So have you two done it yet?" Alice asked raising her eyebrows at me.

"No, we have come close a couple of times, but have always stopped before the clothes come off."

Alice, Rose and Tanya looked at me in disbelief.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Nothing, it's just that you guys have been going out for a while now, and most people would have gotten to the sex bit...earlier than you two. There is nothing wrong with waiting though, I think it's nice," Tanya said.

"Yeh, we are just surprised, you and Edward seem to match so well, we just figured you would have gotten to that part," Alice said rubbing my shoulder lightly.

"We are just taking things slowly, I mean we both want to, but what's the point in rushing. It will happen when it happens…I went to the doctors and asked to be put on the pill, so I'm prepared...I'm just happy with the contact we do have, just being around him is enough for now."

Tanya, Rose, Alice and I were sat in a wine bar. It was the third night that we had all been out together. Rose had called me up and asked me if I wanted a night out with her and Alice and I instantly thought of inviting Tanya.

The night had been so fun that we made it a weekly thing.

It was nice to be around women for a change. I loved Edward and Jake to distraction but sometimes I just needed a break from all the maleness.

It had been two weeks since the incident on Edward's sofa and meeting Esme. Quite a lot had changed, our physical relationship had not moved on much, but our emotional one had.

Edward had grown in confidence; he had no problem with instigating physical contact between us, which for me was a blessing. Kissing and touching Edward had turned into one of my favorite things to do, and having Edward start the contact was even better.

I couldn't wait to move things forward between us; I wanted him more than I had wanted anything in my life. Yet, I was prepared to wait. Edward and I were in our relationship for the long haul, I could wait if I had to.

"So, have you told your mom about Edward yet?" Rose asked.

The girls found it funny that I was so reluctant to tell her about Edward. They just didn't understand my mom. I knew that the second she found out I was in a serious relationship she would be on the phone to the first wedding planner she could find and looking at table decorations. Ok…maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. She probably wouldn't call them, but she would definitely be thinking about it.

I mean, who could blame me for being a little nervous about telling her?

I knew that she would want to meet Edward as soon as she could…and that was why I was scared.

Nothing put a man off more than a potential future mother in law who made Miranda Priestly,

from The Devil Wears Prada, look like an angel.

It wouldn't surprise me if Edward went running the second he met her, even if your in love there is only so much one person can take.

"Actually I am meeting her on my lunch break for a coffee tomorrow. I plan to tell her then. I'm dreading it. She will have me trying on wedding dresses before the year is over."

We all laughed.

"Well, judging on the look Edward was giving you when I came in to the shop yesterday I don't think he would mind," Tanya said.

I looked down at my lap and blushed.

The idea half appealed to me and half horrified me. It was a little too early to be thinking of marriage, but I would be a liar if I said I hadn't considered it. I had even found myself laying in bed at night imagining walking down the aisle towards Edward, I always brushed away the thoughts and told myself not to be so childish. I hoped it was something we would look at in the future, but it was not something I wanted to jump into straight away. I had made that mistake once, I didn't want to do it again.

After a few drinks at the bar, the girls decided they wanted to go out dancing. I protested for about two minutes before I caved.

The next day I really regretted it. My head was pounding, my eyes blurring and my mom was chatting at the speed of a freight train. She was gossiping like a pro, apparently the next door neighbors were going through a bad patch in their marriage. She could hear them arguing through the walls.

She swore she wasn't purposely listening in, it was just that they were so loud, she said. I suspected that she spent most her time with a glass pressed to the wall but didn't say anything.

"…and then she said, Martin, you are a big…"

"I'm seeing someone," I blurted out, cutting her off.

I hadn't meant to tell her so abruptly, but anything was better than listening to her go on and on.

She looked at me in shock, and at last was silent.

"I'm seeing someone and it's serious."

After a few more moments of her looking beyond stunned, she smiled. She reached across the table and took my hands with hers.

"Oh, Bella, I am so happy for you…May I ask who the lucky man is?"

"Edward…Edward Cullen."

Her eyes widened slightly.

"Edward, your boss, Edward?"

"Yes,"

"Edward, slightly weird, Edward?"

I sighed.

"Edward is not weird…he is…just a little bit different," I said with fondness.

"To be perfectly honest Bella, I don't care if he is the strangest man in existence. I have never seen you smile as much as you have been lately and if he is the reason, then he is perfectly fine with me."

"He makes me happy," I said softly.

"Then I love him already…now when can I meet this man?"

"Well, I will have to talk to him and set something up."

"Nonsense, I will just come to the shop and meet him now. I have wanted to see where you work for a while, and that way I can invite Edward to dinner myself," she said chirpily.

She seemed overjoyed at her idea, I felt like I was stuck on a sinking ship with no way off.

"I don't know mom, I don't want to surprise him like that. Edward is very nervous."

"I know, I know, I promise I will be gentle. Now that you have actually found a man it would be pointless to scare him away."

I rolled my eyes.

I decided it wouldn't be a bad idea for her to come back with me. At least she would meet Edward somewhere he was comfortable and not at my parents house where mom would turn into the housewife from hell.

Also, he wouldn't have time to panic about the meeting.

Mom and I slowly walked to the book exchange, she had her arm linked with mine and I could tell she was excited.

"Look just don't overwhelm him, or push him into anything like dinner, or days out….or marriages," I said as we got to the shop.

"Yes dear, I promise to be on my best behavior."

I nodded having no choice but to trust her and entered the shop.

As soon as the door opened, Edward appeared from the back. He was smiling, happy to see me.

The smile froze on his face when he noticed I was not alone.

"Edward, this is my mom. Mom this is Edward," I said, wanting to get the whole thing over and done with.

My mom slowly walked towards Edward, who was clearly a little startled.

"It is really nice to meet you Edward and please call me Renee."

"Um…it's nice to meet you to." Edward replied timidly.

Mom went up to him and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek leaving red lipstick marks in her wake.

"Bella only told me today that you two were dating. It would be lovely if you could join us for dinner one night, if you wanted to?" she asked.

Edward looked over at me and I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Yes of course I would like that."

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"Um…sure, tomorrow sounds great."

Mom clapped her hands together happily.

"Excellent, now I'm very interested to hear about this place. Maybe you could show me around and tell me a little bit about it. I must confess I have never heard of a book exchange before."

At the mention of talking about books and the Book Exchange Edward perked up.

Some people liked fashion, or football, or movies….Edward liked books and my mom had picked the best subject to get him to open up.

They walked away from me, for a short tour of the shop.

I was so thankful to mom. She had listened to what I had said and instead of forcing her large personality on Edward she stepped back.

I was pretty proud of her.

Edward seemed to be reacting well. I knew he must have been surprised, nervous and probably uncomfortable, but he handled himself well.

Mom did not stay long, they returned from their small tour, she kissed my cheek and left.

Edward let out a sigh of relief as soon as she was out the door.

"I'm sorry, I know your weren't prepared to meet her. I have kept her in the dark about us for so long, and she wanted to meet you so much, it felt kind of wrong to say no to her."

He wrapped his arms around me.

"Don't say sorry, she has a right to know the man her daughter is dating. I just wish I could be a little more…normal for you, she must think I'm weird."

My arms that were wrapped around him tightened, as though I was trying to squeeze all his negativity out of him.

"Mom does not think that. She thinks that you are the man that makes her daughter happy and that is good enough for her. I wish you were not so hard on yourself but I know I can't change that. I like you, weirdness or not, I like you." I said almost desperately.

I looked up at his smiling face and he lightly kissed me on the forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered.

He was thanking me for accepting him for who he was, which for me was the easiest thing in the world. It wasn't Edward's looks that had attracted me to him. It was his personality, his complete honesty about who he was.

I hoped that with time I would be able to show him how wonderful he was, but knowing Edward he would never truly accept it.

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**Thank you for all the reviews for not just the last chapter, but the whole story. I hope you all got the teasers I sent out. **

**One thing, a few people asked me questions in their reviews. I am more than happy to answer any questions. However, if you do not sign in when you review, or if you have turned off your private messages then I cannot reply. I am not ignoring you…promise : )**

**If you would like a teaser from the next chapter then please review. **

**I am halfway through writing a new fic! It is a rom com called Searching For O. The pairing is Edward and Bella again, it is a lot more adult then this story is. I am hoping that you guys will find it really funny (that's the intention anyway). I have sent the first chapter off to be pre-read and beta'd. As soon as I get it back, I will be posting! If you are interested, please put me on Author alert. : )**


	22. Chapter 22

Love's Little Book

Chapter 22

Edward was stood uneasily in my apartment. We were getting ready to go over to my parents for dinner. To say that Edward was anxious was an understatement.

"Everything will be fine, Edward, you have nothing to worry about," I said soothingly as I put my shoes on.

"I don't think it will be. What if your dad doesn't like me? I cannot believe you didn't tell me he is a retired police officer. He will probably shoot me just for showing an interest in you. He will take one look at me and that will be it, his shot gun will be out," he said his eyes wide with panic.

Edward had not taken the news of my fathers past profession well. It had added heavily to his nerves. I didn't know that Edward would react so badly and I was beginning to wish I hadn't told him. He was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

"Seriously, Edward, it's not a big deal. You're taking this far too seriously and are only getting yourself worked up. Just calm down," I said a little strictly.

I instantly felt guilty for berating him; it wasn't his fault that he was so uneasy.

He sat down heavily on my sofa and cradled his face in his hands.

"Your right, I'm sorry. I'm just so scared of being a disappointment to them…or you."

I sat down next to him, feeling even worse than I had before.

"You're not…you won't be." I rushed to reassure him.

"My dad was a police officer, he is not anymore, and if he can put up with my mom he can put up with anything. He is just a simple guy, who likes ball games and football. I will be around the whole time, I am not going to leave you at the house and run off or anything. You will see that there is nothing to be concerned about…just…just trust me, Edward."

He looked up at me, his face serious.

"Bella, I do trust you," he said.

I smiled at him, put my hand on his cheek and kissed him softly.

"Good, now let's go."

The drive to my parent's house was silent. I left Edward alone with his thoughts. I didn't want to panic him anymore and hoped that if something was wrong, or if it all became too much he would come to me for the support he needed.

One thing I was constantly trying not to do was smoother him. It was so easy to just constantly reassure him and comfort him, but that was not necessarily what he needed. Sometimes he was going to have to deal with it all on his own. It was horrible to watch, I hated to see him upset or anxious but it had to be done.

I had to learn when to go to him and when to stay away. I was sure that was going to be the hardest part of our relationship from my point of view.

When we got to the house mom was stood on the doorstep waiting. This was part of her perfect housewife routine. She was smiling brightly, but behind that, I could see that she was also tense.

We got out of the car and I took Edwards hand and gave it a light squeeze, hoping that it would lend him some support.

When we got to the door mom gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek then she turned to Edward.

"It is so nice to see you again, Edward, please come in, dinner will be ready soon."

I pulled Edward into the house and through to the living room where I knew my dad would be hiding. He generally tended to hide from mom when there were visitors due.

He was sat in his lazy boy chair watching a ball game, when he noticed he had company he stood to greet us.

He smiled when he saw me and his eyes lit up with adoration. I had always been a daddy's girl, when I was a child I used to run to him when I fell and grazed my knees. I went to him when girls at school were picking on me, and it was him that held me for hours when Mike and I broke up.

I loved mom to bits, but she was never capable of giving me the comfort that dad did. Instead, she gave me courage, she taught me never to let anyone treat me badly and that there were some battles I would have to fight on my own.

Dad gave me the comfort I needed when things got bad; mom gave me the backbone I would need to get back on my feet. It was almost a perfect family unit.

My dad wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug that almost stole my breath from me.

"It's good to see you, Bella," he said when he finally let me go.

"Your mother's been going crazy about this evening. I've told her to calm down but you know what she's like."

"It's good to see you to dad," I said as I tried to gather the air back into my lungs.

"This is Edward," I said motioning my hand towards a terrified looking Edward.

My dad held his hand out and Edward gingerly took it. Dad gave him a strong handshake.

"Nice to meet you Edward, you treating my Bella well?"

My eyes widened. "Dad!"

"What? I am just making sure my baby girl is ok," he sad to me before turning back to Edward.

"So, are you?"

"Yes, sir…I…I care for Bella very much."

Dad smiled and let go of Edward's hand.

"Good, then we don't have a problem. Please take a seat, Edward, and call me Charlie."

Edward looked over at me and I gave him and encouraging smile. He sat down and Charlie instantly started up a conversation about the Red Sox.

After a few minutes, Edward seemed to get comfortable so I decided to head to the kitchen to check on mom.

She was working frantically when I found her.

"Do you need any help?" I asked.

"Oh that would be lovely dear. I made pot roast for dinner and a Baked Alaska for desert. Do you think Edward will be ok with that? If he isn't I can make something else, maybe a pizza or something. It won't take me long," she said hysterically.

"Pot roast is fine mom; really you don't need to go to go to all this trouble."

"Of course I do, I want to give Edward a good impression of this family, what would he think if the food was not home made, or god forbid microwaved."

I smiled; she was trying really hard to welcome Edward. She did this with all guests but I had never seen her work so hard at impressing someone, not even Mike. I knew then that Edward had made a great impression on her. I couldn't help but feel a little proud at what Edward had achieved, my mom was a hard woman to please.

"He wouldn't mind he lives on takeaways," I said.

She looked at me with a horrified expression on her face.

"Oh…well in that case I better pack him some left over's," she said panicked that she had another job to do.

"Really, mom it's fine. I will make sure he gets proper food," I didn't know how I would manage it, given that my eating habits were not any better than Edwards, but there was no reason to tell her that.

"So, what can I do to help?"

"If you could start taking the food out to the table I would be most appreciative."

I did as she asked and minutes later, everything was ready. I went to the living room to tell my dad and Edward that it was time to eat and found them laughing uncontrollably.

A dumb smile spread across my face as I watched them.

"Dinners ready guys," they looked up at me, both of them smiling and I felt a surge of happiness that everything was going to well. They left the room still talking about baseball. Edward slung his arm around my waist when he got to me, so I didn't feel left out and we all walked to the dinning room.

Mom went around the table and dished up the food whilst dad cut the meat. I had unsurprisingly been sat next to Edward, he reached under the table and gently grabbed my hand,

"Is everything ok?" I whispered.

"Everything is great, I am having a wonderful time," he lifted my hand up from under the table and kissed the top of it lightly.

I noticed my mother watching out of the corner of her eye. She smiled and I could almost see her mind spinning at the prospect of our future.

Dinner went well; mom did most of the talking, which was fine by the rest of us.

After dinner mom packed up several Tupperware boxes with left over's, whilst Edward and I washed up. I told her again that we didn't need the food, but she insisted.

Soon Edward and I were leaving; he said his goodbyes and walked to the car leaving me with my parents.

"He is a keeper, Bella, don't let that one slip past you," mom said seriously.

"I don't intend to, thanks for dinner." I said as I hugged her.

I let her go and turned to hug dad.

"He seems like a good guy, make sure you two aren't strangers, I don't get to see you enough," he patted me on the back before letting go.

"I promise we will come to dinner again soon, thanks for dinner, see you soon."

I jogged over to Edward's car and got in, and he pulled out of the driveway. We gave my parents a wave before we drove off, heading to my apartment.

"So, that wasn't to bad was it?" I asked.

"Not at all, I really like your parents. They were really polite and kind," he said honestly.

"They can be a bit overwhelming at times but they mean the best."

"I know, and they were not overwhelming, although your mom gave us enough food to feed a small army," he said with a smile.

"She thinks we don't eat properly."

"She is probably right…what are we going to do with it all?" he asked.

"I guess we should split it up," I said, as I looked at all the plastic containers sat in my lap.

He pulled up outside my apartment.

"Can I…can I come up?" he asked uncertainly.

I didn't know what he was so tense about. He came round to my apartment all the time, there was nothing to be anxious about.

"Of course, shall we just take all the food upstairs then; I don't want to leave it in your car."

He nodded and jumped out the car. He walked around my side, opened the door and took most of the containers from me.

We walked into my building and got in the lift. Edward was silent the entire journey up. He seemed jumpy, edgy and I couldn't understand why. He had said he had a good time with my parents. Was that not true? Was something wrong? Had I done something?

He was still the same when we entered my apartment. I took the food from his hands and started to put it all away in the fridge in an effort to distract myself.

I was bent over, with my head in the fridge, talking endlessly to try to naturalize the situation. I didn't know what I was babbling on about, but I couldn't stop.

"So, when you go, just take what you want. Unless, you want to keep it all here…I can bring it into work tomorrow if you want…" I stood up and closed the door as I spoke, when I turned around I jumped…Edward was stood directly behind me.

"….or you know, what ever…" I trailed off.

He took a step towards me and I took a step back bringing me in direct contact with the fridge behind me.

I took one look at him then swallowed hard. His green eyes were dark, darker than I had ever seen them and they were full of hunger, a hunger that I shared. He took another step so he was a hairs breath from me.

Butterflies swarmed in my stomach in response to the thick sexual tension that had seeped into the air.

Edward lifted his hand and placed it on the fridge beside my head, trapping me. Then he leaned forward and kissed me.

His kiss was slow but filled with a burning passion that consumed me whole. I moaned into his mouth in desperation.

He pulled his lips away from mine but didn't move back. He lifted his spare arm; his hand was shaking as it reached out to lightly grab hold of the zipper on my jacket.

"Bella," he murmured.

I knew then it was time. That we were going to take that big next step in our relationship.

A thousand thoughts raced through my head at the same time. What would it be like? Would I be terrible? Would we not be compatible? What underwear had I put on that morning?

But, as Edwards hand slowly lowered the zipper on my jacket all-articulate thought left my head.

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**Sorry, please don't hate me for the almost cliff-hanger at the end. **

**Let me know what you think of the chapter, if you love me or despise me for leaving it here. Reviewers will get an extremely juicy teaser, if you know what I mean. *Wink, wink* **

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**Next chapter coming up in about a week. Only three more chapters to go : (**


	23. Chapter 23

Love's Little Book

Chapter 23

Edward undone my jacket then slipped it off my shoulders and down my arms until it fell to the floor.

"Is this ok?" he whispered. He sounded so unsure of himself and I didn't know how to make him more comfortable with the situation. I could throw my self at him but that would probably make things worse, even though it was what I wanted to do. I felt like we had been on the edge of this moment for so long that I could barely constrain myself.

"Its more then ok, don't stop."

It turned out all my worrying was for nothing. As soon as the words were out of my mouth Edward's lips were on mine. He pressed himself hard against me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible.

Our kisses got more and more passionate and his hands started traveling over my body. One slid up my torso and cupped my breast the other landed on my bottom. He pulled me into him so I could feel how hard he was, which just made me want him more. He felt ready for me and I knew beyond a doubt I was ready for him.

I groaned into his mouth and pushed us both away from the fridge; it was time to move somewhere more comfortable.

I regretfully forced my lips from his, I didn't want to stumble blindly through my apartment attached to Edward. Knowing my luck and clumsiness it would only lead to trouble.

He looked at me in puzzlement, wondering why I had stopped. I took his hand and started pulling him out of the kitchen and towards my bedroom.

I looked at him to make sure he was ok with what I was doing and bit my lip with nerves. He watched the action intently then his eyes rose to meet mine.

He gave me a shy smile, but he didn't look like he was about to back out…thank god.

Nervously I opened my bedroom door and pulled him inside, the butterflies in my belly were swirling round and round and I hoped I could keep my cool.

Edward came towards me and kissed me again. I could feel his hands playing with the bottom of my top and I lifted my arms to let him know that I wanted it off.

He broke away from our kiss, gripped the fabric and ever so slowly pulled it off me.

I nervously reached behind me and undone my bra. It fell to the floor and left me bare in front of him.

I could feel his eyes on me, taking in every part of my exposed flesh. All the flat bits and the bumpy bits and everything in-between was on show for him. I felt embarrassed under his gaze but told myself not to cover up. He deserved to see me as I was, not an uncomfortable and shy girl, but a women who wanted to share everything with the man she loved.

"Bella, you're so beautiful…how can you want me?" the vulnerability in his voice nearly broke my heart.

"Because I think you're amazing. I want you Edward… I want you so much." I said desperate for him to know that I meant the words.

"I want you to; I want every part of you."

He came towards me hesitantly, unsure of what he was doing.

I wanted to do something, to let him know that everything was ok, but I was as nervous as he was. Intimacy did not come naturally to me. It was something I shared with Mike as a part of our marriage. I had enjoyed it, but I had never desired him, not in the way I did Edward.

"Edward, it's ok to touch me, and feel me, I want you to…I need you to. There is nothing you can do wrong here. Just be with me…please." I said hastily.

He nodded and raised his hand to gently cup my breast, he swiped his thumb against my raised nipple and I let out a little groan as a pleasurable shiver traveled downwards. It had been so long since I had been touched and my body responded ferociously.

I reached for him with frenzied fingers suddenly desperate to have him. I tugged at his t-shirt and pulled it off, then ran my hands down his firm body. He was made of soft lines and ridges, not heavily muscular but defined. I trailed my hands over his upper chest feeling the small spattering of hair tickle my palms.

We slowly stripped each other of our clothes. We looked, touched, explored and tasted the new skin that was revealed to us, we took our time to learn the paths of each others body as we saw each other for the first time.

When we were completely bare, he laid me down on the bed and crawled over me. Our lips were locked and our tongues tangled as his hand trailed down my body and between my legs. His fingers lightly rubbed circles over my damp flesh and I whimpered.

"Tell me…Bella, tell me what feels good," he murmured.

I reached down and pressed his fingers a little harder into my skin. He continued to touch and tease me, learning more about what I liked by my reactions. I moaned, and shook, and cried out until the point of breaking, but I held off.

His finger moved downwards towards the opening of my body, but I couldn't let him do it. I reached down and grabbed his hand stopping his progress.

"No…I don't want your fingers Edward, I want you."

He removed his fingers from between my legs and replaced them with his body.

"Do we need anything?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"No, I'm covered."

We laid there silently for a moment letting the gravity of what we were about to do set in. I couldn't believe we had gotten to that point. Couldn't believe that I was about to make love with Edward, the odd shop owner whose life I bumbled into months ago. We had been through so much, but in the beginning I would of never of thought it would have bought us to where we were.

Edward leaned forward and gave me the smallest, sweetest kiss on the tip of my nose then ever so slowly pushed his way inside me.

I whimpered lightly, it didn't hurt but the intrusion was slightly uncomfortable, it had been a long time.

He paused when he was fully encased inside me and moaned deeply, and then he gently rolled his hips. We both groaned and he did it again, and again until I felt like I couldn't think straight.

Edward gripped the back of my leg and bought it round his waist, his fingers digging into my skin, probably leaving marks but I barely felt it. I held his head to mine, I just had to have him close to me, and I couldn't bear to be away. Our breathing was heavy and gasping so we couldn't kiss, we merely breathed into each others mouths, our eyes were locked, it was intense and emotional and beyond anything, I had ever felt in my life.

We had no words we could say, but we didn't need them.

I could see everything I needed to in the green depths of his eyes. I could see how much our actions meant, the feelings he had and the love we shared.

We moved together beautifully, it wasn't perfect. Our rhythm sometimes faltered, at times we were out of sync, but it was perfect for us.

His pace quickened ever so slightly, but it was just enough to take me to where I wanted to go. My toes curled into my bedspread and my muscles tensed as heat flooded through me. I let out a cry as my body shook and pulsed around him.

Edward followed seconds after; he chanted my name in time to his jerking hips as he came undone in my arms.

He collapsed on top of me but I didn't mind, his weight was glorious and I wanted to be as close as I could get.

Our bodies were slick with sweat, we trembled, twitched and shuddered against each other as we calmed.

When he was able to, he kissed me lightly with quivering lips, and then rolled us onto our sides.

We held each other as our breathing returned to normal and our heartbeats slowed.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" he asked.

I looked up at him in astonishment.

I couldn't believe he had asked me such a thing. How could I possibly what him to leave? I couldn't not want him close, he had become sure a massive part of me. I needed him like I needed air and food. I just had to convince him of that.

"What? Of course you can, I would hate you to go. Edward, you are welcome in my home and in my bed whenever you want."

He grinned at me, he looked like he couldn't believe what had happened then he kissed me thoroughly. Within seconds, I was ready to go again, and Edward wasn't far behind.

~x0x~

It was just gone three in the morning but I couldn't sleep.

Edward's was curled into my side, his head was laid on my upper chest, and he was snoring ever so slightly, but I didn't mind. In fact, I found it cute.

I ran my fingers lightly through his hair. I didn't want to wake him but I just had to touch him.

I couldn't believe the events of the evening. They had come out of nowhere. It was all so spontaneous, but because of that, there was no awkward nerves and uncomfortableness. Just the normal anxiousness of a couple coming together for the first time. It was natural, beautiful and completely overwhelming.

We fit together so well, better than I ever could have hoped. I wondered why we had waited so long, but I knew that it would not have been so special had we rushed it.

Edward was a kind and considerate lover. He learnt how to touch me, discovered what made me cry out with sudden pleasure, or made me slowly burn into a molten frenzy.

However, it was more than the sex and gratification, not many words had been said but that didn't mean there were no emotions or affection. We told each other how we felt in the way we moved, the way we caressed. It was in the looks we gave each other, the kisses and cries of pleasure.

It was two people coming together in the most primal of way. It was sealing the deal on a relationship that was growing every day in intensity and seriousness.

I couldn't imagine never being his, couldn't imagine not waking up next to him everyday.

Something had happened to me, I didn't know when and I didn't know how, but at some point Edward had completely and utterly consumed me.

~x0x~

I was woken in the morning by soft kisses. Edward was littering the skin of my neck with his lips.

I opened my eyes and let out a tired yawn.

Edward looked up at me, one side of his mouth lifted in a smile.

"Morning," I mumbled.

I felt dazed with bliss, I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to stay in bed with him all day and pretend that we didn't have responsibilities outside of the bedroom.

Unfortunately, we did have responsibilities. We had a shop to open and Edward had a business to run.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Late, I left you for as long as I could. We…had a late night and you looked so peaceful," he said with a blush.

I grinned then kissed him. The kiss started sweet and light but soon grew heavily and fervent. Before I knew it, hands were exploring. I knew we didn't have the time, but as Edward rolled on top of me, I found that I really didn't care about the time, or the shop, or anything out side of the room at all.

"Edward we don't have time," I protested half-heatedly.

"Yes we do," he mumbled into my neck, where he was planting little wet kisses.

His hips were unconsciously thrusting against me, trying to find a way inside. I opened my legs wider for him, giving him what he…we both needed.

"But…but the shop,"

He plunged inside me, causing us both to moan loudly.

"The shop can wait," he strained to say as he started thrusting inside me.

~x0x~

When we finally got the shop, we were just over an hour late. Tanya was stood waiting patiently outside, Edward and I had completely forgotten that me were supposed to be meeting her.

I jumped out of the car.

"Shit, Tanya, I am so sorry. How long have you been waiting?" I said as I hurriedly joined her.

She gave me a long hard look, and then smiled.

"Oh its ok, I was not waiting long…by the looks of it you were to distracted," she said with a wink.

I instantly blushed and discreetly lifted my hand to my hair, making sure that I had brushed it after our impromptu morning romp.

"Tanya…I'm sorry." Edward stammered as he joined us. He unlocked the front of the shop and we all headed inside.

"It's fine Edward. No harm done, I was only waiting about fifteen minutes."

Edward and Tanya headed to the back of the shop. Their business relationship had grown and grown. Tanya had picked all the books that she felt her school needed, all that was left was the actual exchange.

The book exchange was also starting to get letters of interest from other local schools and the prison rehabilitation service.

In addition, more people were starting to come in to browse. There were students who couldn't afford the new books they needed for their courses and had a lot of old ones that they needed to get rid of. People who were just looking for something new to read.

Edward took all of this interest in his stride but behind that, I could see his nervous excitement.

Things were finally working out for him and the Book Exchange, and I hoped that I had helped him in some way.

I stood at the front of the shop and sorted through some of the new books we had managed to acquire. After about half an hour Tanya walked over to me.

"So, Bella Swan, spill the beans," Tanya said as soon as she reached me.

I blushed and looked down at the books.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really, your face is all flushed, you look tired and you have that look…that freshly sexed up look. You and Edward totally did it!" she whispered so Edward wouldn't hear us.

I blushed some more, but couldn't stop a smile from breaking onto my face.

"So, what was it like?" she asked, excitably.

"It was…perfect."

Tanya squealed excitably.

"Oh my god, Bella, I am so happy for you. You really deserve this. I am so glad I met you, you have turned into one of the best friends I could ask for."

I couldn't stop myself from hugging her.

"I'm glad I met you to. Don't worry there is someone out there for you I just know it."

She pulled away form me and laughed.

"God I hope so…I have to go, but we should go out again soon, ok."

I nodded, "yeh that sounds good."

I watched Tanya leave. She was such a nice women and it was such a shame that men had treated her so poorly through her life. She deserved so much better.

A stray idea suddenly forced its way into my head. I told myself not to even entertain it, but before I could stop myself, a plan was formulating in my mind.

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***Looks around nervously* **

**So….what do you think? I cannot tell you how hard I found this. Sex with feeling is surprisingly hard to write lol. **

**Thank you for all the reviews I have gotten so far. I am blown away by your words, humor and smiles (you know who you are *wink*). I am going to please ask you all to do it again, or if you haven't reviewed, I am asking you to do it for the first time…please.**

**I need the feedback on this one. Lemons are not my…writing forte. I have never blushed as much as I did writing this lol. So, I really want to know what you think : )**

**I am (hopefully) posting my next story soon, it should of happened ages ago but there has been an unforeseen delay. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Important AN at the bottom of this chapter. **

Love's Little Book

Chapter 24

I applied the last lick of paint to my bedroom wall, behind me Jake cheered. We had finally finished decorating my apartment.

I turned to Jake and smiled. Painting my apartment was such a small thing, but the sense of achievement I had at finishing was massive. It was not just paint on my walls, some how I had also redecorated my life. So much had changed.

"I'm proud of you girl, this place is looking great."

I gave him a massive and grateful hug.

"Well, I couldn't have done it with out you."

It had been a month since me and Edward had finally done the deed, it had been a great month for us but unfortunately, the same could not be said for Jake.

He had started seeing someone, Lisa, who he had met at work. For a while, things were going great. They even came out to dinner with Edward and me on a double date. Lisa had seemed so nice and genuine. I was so happy that Jake had found someone of his own, and I hoped that Lisa and I would become friends.

Jake had fallen for her hard and fast.

They had only been dating for two weeks when he found out she was married. He had taken the news pretty hard but had kept his chin up and his spirits high.

Instead of mopping around, he threw himself into helping me with my apartment and we managed to finish everything quickly.

"So, what are your plans for today?" I asked casually, not wanting him to know that I had anything planned.

"Um…nothing much, why?"

"Oh it's just that Edward has to pack and load a massive amount of books today for a local school and we could really use some help. It's my day off but I can't leave it to him, I would really appreciate it."

I said laying it on a little thick. I just needed to get him to the shop, I was sure nature would take over from there.

"Yeh, of course, I don't mind helping. You and Edward have been amazing the last few weeks."

We gathered everything up and packed it away in Seth's van for the last time, and then we drove to the book exchange.

Edward grinned at me as soon as I walked in. He said hi to Jake then wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss that distracted me from my task at hand.

The last month had been a whirlwind for the both of us. We had grown and changed together. The physical boundaries that we had put up had been well and truly knocked down and we barely spent a night apart.

He was, beyond a doubt the love of my life.

"Where's Tanya? I thought she was supposed to be here?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Isabella Swan are you meddling?" he asked.

I feigned shock.

"Me? Never."

Ok, so maybe I was meddling a little bit. I wasn't going to push things, like my mom used to do in my life. I was just making fates job a little easier to do. What was wrong with that?

"She has gone for coffee she will be back soon."

Tanya had taken the first batch of books from Edward weeks ago. It had all gone so well that the school council had made a contract with the book exchange. They now not only exchanged books but sometimes even bought them. Tanya was back to collect a new load of books that Edward had managed to acquire.

"So what do you guys need help with?" Jake asked.

"Um, there are some boxes of books out the back; they all need loading into the black van out the front. There are also more boxes to be packed up," Edward replied.

"Awesome, I am going to go and start getting the boxes in the van then."

"Cool we will be there in a minute, thanks for the help."

Jake disappeared into the back of the shop just as Tanya walked in. She rushed over to me and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Bella, thank god you are here. This was going to take Edward and me all day," she said.

I felt kind of bad; I didn't come in on my day of to help them. Well…that was part of it but I had another reason to.

"I just can keep up with all these books, and the papers. Edward has been a godsend he is just so organized. I don't know what I would have done without him, you know what I'm like, I'm a nightmare at…"

Tanya trailed off as something else took her attention. Instead of looking at me, she was looking behind me.

I turned around and saw Jake standing there, with a box in his arms. He was looking at Tanya as thought he had found the answer to world peace.

I wanted to celebrate my ingenious planning and intuition.

"Tanya, this is my friend Jake; Jake this is Tanya," I said unable to keep the victorious smile off my face.

Jake put the box down and walked over to Tanya in a daze. He held his hand out.

"Hello," he said timidly. I had to stop myself from laughing. I had never seen Jake so shy and shook up.

Tanya placed her hand in his.

"Hi," she said breathlessly.

Her face was flushed with a blush, and she was looking at Jake in wide-eyed wonder. They held hands for a while and just stared at each other.

I looked up at Edward and gave him a smile that said, 'I told you so'.

He rolled his eyes playfully, then took my hand and pulled me to the back of the shop.

We worked well into the early evening; watching Jake and Tanya interact kept me entertained the whole time.

I wanted to introduce them to each other weeks ago, but then Jake got involved with Lisa and my plans were delayed. Tanya wanted a man who would treat her like the princess she was. Jake needed a woman that would take care of him, that would make him laugh. Someone who was as passionate about life as he was, Tanya was all that and more.

I was certain that if I managed to get them in the same room at the same time, sparks would fly and they did.

At times, I thought I was turning into my mother, after all meddling was her thing, but in the end I decided that introducing them was not meddling at all, it was just showing shoving them in the right direction. Right?

A few hours later we were done. We loaded the last box into Tanya's school van.

"Um…I could come with you if you like…to you know…help you unload all this stuff?" Jake asked nervously.

Tanya blushed and looked down at her trainers.

"That would be great, Jake, thanks."

Edward and I watched them drive off.

I turned to look up at him.

"Am I amazing, or what?" I asked.

He flung his arm around my shoulder and kissed me affectionately on my forehead.

"You know I think you're amazing, come on cupid lets get out of here."

~x0x~

Edward's fingers were gently drawing patterns on my bare back. We were lying on my bed chest to chest, the blankets were twisted around our waists but I wasn't cold, Edward's body heat seeped into me and I was toasty warm.

"I have been meaning to ask you something for a while," Edward said quietly.

"Ok, you know you can ask me anything," I replied, my voice hoarse from our love making earlier that evening.

"I have been thinking…well, we are together nearly every night. I have half my clothes over here, most my toiletries…I just thought that maybe we should do it properly you know? Live together."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. I would be a liar if I said I had never thought of it. But, I was not expecting Edward to bring it up at all.

"Yeh, I want to live with you…I hate that sometimes I have to rush in the morning to leave your apartment, to go to mine and then go to the shop. I hate it when you have to do the same."

"I feel the same; the only problem is that Jake and I have only just finished re-decorating this place. I don't want to move out after all the hard work we put in." I said.

I really wanted to live with Edward, but didn't want to move out of my apartment. Painting my apartment with Jake had been a massive part in freeing me from my past and moving forward. I knew moving in with Edward would be me going forward again, but I couldn't do it. Not after everything Jake and I had put in.

"I thought the same thing, so was thinking that maybe, if you didn't mind, I could move in with you."

I suddenly threw myself at him and gave him a massive hug.

"Oh my god, yes, yes, yes!" I screeched.

I was so excited, so happy that he wanted to live with me.

"Are you sure, I mean your apartment is so nice, and so much better than mine?" I asked as I let him go.

"My apartment is just an apartment; it is just rooms with stuff in them. Yours, is a home, it represents who you are. I don't care about my place; I would rather be here with you. The only concern I have is for my library but I will sort it out, I can probably move all my books to my parent's house."

I sat up.

"No way, I have a spare room, we can convert it."

I was not going to let Edward give up his passion just to co-habit with me. Edward would give me anything I ever asked for; I knew that. I could at least give him his library.

He sat up with me.

"Are you sure? That is a big commitment Bella?"

I smiled and put my hand lightly on his cheek.

"I'm certain. If you are going to live here with me then I want a bit of it to be yours. You say this place represents who I am as a person, well I want it to represent you to."

He nodded excitably.

"So are we going to do this?" he asked.

"Edward, please, please move in with me?"

"Yes," I threw my arms around him and kissed him with such force he fell backwards and I landed on top of him.

I couldn't believe that we were going to co-habit, that we would wake up together each morning, and go home together every night.

It was like a dream come true. I couldn't believe that I had found him. Edward had once told me that when he looked into his future he saw me in it. Now I couldn't imagine a future without him.

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**Ok so…unfortunately my ill family member has passed away. Just wanted to let you know that I am planning on updating next week, it just might be at the end of the week instead of the normal beginning of the week. I WILL still be updating. So no need to worry. **

**I am so close to the 1K review mark, please help me get there. Let me know what you think! I never thought I would get anywhere near 1000 reviews, but now it is in my reach. So please review!**

**Also, as I have said before I plan to add some EPOV chapters after I have finished posting this story. Would you prefer EPOV of previous chapters? Or future out-takes? I am happy to do either, so it is down to you guys what you would rather read. : )**

**Only one full chapter and an Epilogue to go : (**

**Have a good week!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Just a little note to say sorry for the late update and for the lack of review replies. If you read the author note from the last chapter, you will know that there has been a family issue that has delayed me. Thank you so much for your messages of support, you are all so amazing. Sometimes I feel alone in this world and to receive so many kind and thoughtful messages really meant a lot to me. So thank you, very, very much. **

Love's Little Book

Chapter 25

Edward walked through the open door to my apartment.

"This is the last box,"

I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet excitedly. It was all done, Edward had officially moved in.

His clothes hung in my wardrobe, his toiletries sat beside mine in the bathroom cabernet and the books in the box he was carrying were the last to be added to the shelves in the library.

I was so happy to finally say I was living with him. It had taken us some time to sort everything out. At first, Edward was happy to sell his apartment, until his mom mention that his cousin Kate was looking for somewhere to live.

It was the perfect arrangement. Kate would get cheap rent, Edward would earn a little money and I would get to have him around all the time.

"So shall we go and put these last books away, make it all official?" he said as he smiled eagerly.

I nodded and ran to the library trying not to squeal excitedly as I did. He raced after me and put the box down in front of the right shelf.

"I think you should put them up there Miss Swan."

I looked up at the top shelf, then back down at the box.

"I don't know, they are your rare books…I don't want to ruin one and I can barely reach."

He bent down opened the box and pulled the pile of books out. He then handed them to me. I cradled them tightly in my arms and preyed that I wouldn't drop them.

"Turn around."

I slowly did as he asked and turned to face the shelves. I felt his hands grip my waist and he lifted me up so I could reach the top shelve.

I squealed and squirmed playfully against him.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Helping you," he murmured before his lips descended on my neck.

I bit back a groan and hurriedly placed the books on the shelf. As soon as I was done, he lowered me to the floor, spun me around and pressed me into the wooden bookshelf.

Before I could respond, his lips hungrily attacked mine. I returned his passionate kiss and wrapped my arms around him anchoring myself to him.

He pressed his hips against mine; it was something he always did when he was turned on, his silent way of letting me know that he wanted me.

I pushed us away from the shelf and headed clumsily towards the door, but he stopped me.

"I think we should christen the library," he said between kisses.

My body clenched in anticipation. Edward wanted to make love outside of the bedroom, something we had never done before.

He dragged me over to his desk and sat down on his office chair; as soon as he was comfortable, he pulled me down on top of him.

I had never known Edward to be so assertive in our lovemaking, his hands traveled roughly over my body; he squeezed my breasts over my shirt and palmed my jean covered behind.

I was practically on fire from his touches.

"Edward!" I gasped

"Is this ok?"

"Yes, yes it's more than ok," I muttered before crashing my lips into his.

Our kisses were ravenous and sloppy, our hands eager and demanding but it wasn't enough.

He broke away from me and gently pushed me off him before standing. He looked at his desk; it was covered in books and papers that we had put on there only an hour or so ago. He looked back at me then back at the desk.

Before I could stop him he swiped his arm across the wooden surface sending the books and papers across the room. I squeaked as he lifted me up onto the desk and pushed his way between my legs with his hips.

He looked at me sheepishly, a faint blush painted across his strong cheekbones.

"I have wanted to do that ever since I saw that episode of friends, with the nerdy scientist and Phoebe," he said shyly.

It was impossible for me to love him anymore than I did at that moment.

"Well, now you have," I said before pulling his face to mine and kissing him passionately.

We picked up where we left off, with ferocious kisses and wandering hands.

He pulled and ripped roughly at my shirt, but I didn't care. I yanked it over my head, ripping buttons in the process.

His fingers moved lower to the button and fly of my jeans, he undone them quickly and plunged his hand under the rough fabric.

I cried out in pleasure when his fingers rubbed me.

"God, Edward, that feels so good," I moaned.

He didn't respond, instead, his fingers moved lower then plunged inside me. I cried out again, his movements were rough and demanding but I had never felt anything so good.

His other hand yanked at my jeans and I managed to lift myself up slightly so he could yank them and my underwear down my legs. He removed his fingers and I almost wept at the loss, I was close, so very close to the end.

He gave me a cheeky smile and suddenly dropped to his knees.

Instantly I knew what he was going to do.

"Edward, you don't have…oh holy shit!" I screamed as lips gently sucked my clit.

He teased, tasted, and devoured me. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Mike had hated going down on me, he never said anything but I could tell. Edward seemed to revel in it. He lapped and sucked and bit at me with a ferocity I never knew he could posses.

When his long fingers came to join his talented tongue I knew it was over.

I was panting, and moaning incoherently as an exquisite pleasure built and built inside me.

Suddenly the dam burst and I screamed as my orgasm took over my body.

Edward stood, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled proudly.

I looked up at him though watery eyes, yet again he had managed to surprise me. I had never seen such hunger in him before. It didn't matter that I had just had one earth shattering orgasm I couldn't wait for him any longer.

I grabbed the top of his jeans and yanked him closer to me. With shaking fingers, I undone them and shoved them and his boxers down his legs to his knees.

He grabbed my face and kissed me deeply before pushing his way inside me.

I groaned into his mouth, I was still so sensitive from the last orgasm, I knew I wouldn't last long but for me it was more about Edward.

I hooked my legs around his waist and clung to him as he started a fast pace inside of me. He pulled away from my lips and kissed any flesh he could find, my cheek, my neck, my shoulder.

He pushed against me harder and harder, causing the desk to jolt and shudder under me. I could feel another orgasm fast approaching and wrapped my arms around his shoulders to steady myself.

"Oh god Edward," I moaned desperately as my orgasm crashed over me like a wave.

He gripped me tightly and cried into my neck as he came. He slumped against me panting as he did.

We had never done something like that before. Edward and I always made love; it was always gentle, passionate and loving.

Finally, we had sex. A mutual sharing of animalistic desire and it felt so good just to be able to have him that way.

He slowly lifted his head and smiled lazily, but behind his flushed cheeks and lethargic grin I could see worry in his eyes.

"Are you ok?" he whispered.

"I have never been better," his smile widened.

"So we can do it like that again? I wasn't to rough?"

I giggled lightly.

"No, Edward, you were not to rough, and yes we can do it again, any time you want."

He leaned down and kissed me softly.

"Welcome home, Edward," I said when his lips left mine.

He cupped my face gently in his hands and looked at me.

"Bella Swan, I love you so much."

I could feel tears pooling in my eyes. I didn't know what I had done to deserve someone as special as Edward but he was mine, and he was living with me in my apartment. He would be in my bed…our bed when I went to bed every night, and be there when I woke up every morning. I was bursting with happiness, with a joy I thought I would never experience.

"I love you to Edward."

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**Thank you for reading. I know it is a bit short, sorry about that. Next up is the Epilogue *sad face*. I plan to post it in a few days; it is already written and finished so it should be up soon. **

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, I will not be sending out a teaser for the next chapter, as the epilogue is shorter than my average chapters. But, please still review. I am so close to the 1000 mark and would love to make it. It would be such an achievement for me. I never expected to get 200 reviews let alone 950! I cannot tell you how rewarding it is to get reviews. I know sometimes I am a bit shit at replying to them but I want you to know that I read everyone more than once. They make my day better : )**

**Also, the delays on my new story seem to be sorted out so hopefully I will start to post that one this week. I hope you check it out. I am quite excited for it; I personally prefer it to this story. **


	26. Epilogue

**OK…so this is it. The last chapter of Love's Little Book. (I will not cry, I will not cry) This has been a massive journey and I am shocked that this story has gotten over 1000 reviews. **

**I hope you like the end of this story. There is a big ass author's note at the end of the epilogue so I guess I will see you on the flip side. **

**Enjoy.**

Love's Little Book

Epilogue

It was a beautiful day for a wedding.

Summer had officially begun and the sun blazed down on the luscious green grass of the courtyard. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I watched the happy couple take to the grass for their first dance.

Jake and Tanya swayed gently to the music. They looked so happy, so in love and I hoped that Edward and I looked the same. Their romance had been a whirlwind. It was six months to the day since I introduced them. Two months ago, Jake had asked Tanya to marry him. A month after that she announced that she was pregnant.

You could not see the small bump under her beautiful cream dress, but it was growing day by day.

I had wondered if they were moving to fast, if it was all too sudden but Jake said when it's right it's right and I couldn't disagree with him.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and looked away from the happy couple to see Edward walk towards me.

I could feel my stomach whirl, as he got closer. After all the time we had been together, I still felt giddy whenever I saw him.

I was sat under the shade of a tree looking for some relief from the burning sun. The courtyard was beautiful but was also a suntrap.

He came and sat behind me and pulled me back to lean on him. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin lightly on my shoulder.

"Soon that will be us," he murmured.

I smiled and cuddled into him a little bit more, feeling the butterflies take off and flutter around inside of me.

The night before Jake and Tanya's wedding had been the best and most surprising of my life. I walked into our bedroom after brushing my teeth and found Edward on one knee with a beautiful diamond ring in his hands. They were shaking because of his nerves and he looked more scared than I had ever seen him, but behind the fear, there was determination.

"Bella…I...will you marry me?" He stuttered.

I remembered standing there in utter disbelief; his proposal had been completely unexpected.

It took a few seconds for his question to set in and I could see him growing more and more pensive.

As soon as the situation finally set in, I threw myself at him, knocking both of us to the floor as I screamed yes over and over again.

It had been a crazy night. There had been tears, and smiles and love making that lasted most of the night. We were supposed to be sleeping, supposed to be resting for Tanya and Jake's wedding but sleep was not an option. When our bodies were too exhausted to make love we talked about the future until the sun came up.

We talked about our wedding, the possibility of children and the house in the suburbs we wanted to bring them up in.

Sitting under that tree, I realized how tired I was, but I didn't care and I wouldn't have changed the night before for anything.

I twisted around slightly so I could look at him, "I can't wait."

Edward picked up my hand and kissed my ring-less finger. I had decided to wear it on a chain around my neck hidden from view. I couldn't wait to tell everyone, I wanted to climb to the top of the highest building in the world and scream it for everyone to hear. But I did not want to do it at Jake and Tanya's wedding, I wanted that day to be all about them. Our news could wait.

"I love you so much Bella, you are everything to me," Edward said with such sincerity I almost cried.

I didn't know what to say, how to respond, so instead I just kissed him and poured ever ounce of love, passion and respect I had into it.

As we kissed I thought back to that blustery day in autumn. The day when Edwards flier found me on the sidewalk. It seemed like a million years ago. I remembered how lost I had felt walking down that road. I was friendless, jobless and I had felt hopeless.

So much had changed since then. The world had opened up around me and my life was fuller and greater than I ever could have imagined.

I had found a purpose in The Boston Book Exchange. I had added color to its walls, and striped its floor and as it changed, I changed with it.

I had gained friends in Jake, Tanya, Alice and Rose. Friends that I could laugh and cry with, friends who would comfort me when I needed support. Jake, had blown into my life like a whirlwind, he forced me to face the empty parts in my life, and then pushed me to change it.

And then there was Edward. There were no words to describe what he had come to mean to me. When I first met him I found him odd, thought of him as someone who needed my help. I watched him stutter and stumble through day-to-day life. Watched him face all his insecurities and struggles with a courage that I would never possess.

And day by day, he managed to fill the hole inside of me that had been there so long. We had stretched and grown with each other. We had taken the big leap into a relationship and it had paid off for both of us.

I loved him more than I could bear. He was in my heart, my breath and veins, he was in the very soul of me and I never wanted him to leave.

Life had turned good. Instead of unsureness and blandness, my life had burst into life with colors and people and purpose.

I pulled away from Edward and looked at him, really looked at him and I thought of how my life had changed, then I realized that this was just the beginning.

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**OH. MY. GOD I cannot believe it is over. If you had told me before I started posting this story that it would get over 1000 reviews I would have laughed in your face. If you had told me, I would end up meeting some of the best and greatest friends that a girl could ask for I would have laughed even more! But that is what's happened.**

**I know that all us authors say this, but this has been such an amazing journey. A lot has happened in my life since I started posting this and the support you guys have shown me has been amazing. I truly value and cherish every review, every PM, every alert and every favorite you guys have sent me. They have lifted me up when life threw me in the deep end. **

**So thank you, thank you, thank you. Thanks to the reviewers, from the one who always leaves the long and detailed reviews, who rec's me on ADF and responds to every sneak peek I post (you know who you are) to the one who simply reviewed every chapter with a smile. It doesn't matter how you review, authors are just glad to know that their work is appreciated. **

**So…I am asking you to review for this story one more time! Come say good-bye!**

**Keep this story on alert, because there will be future EPOV chapters/out-takes. **

**Also, I have posted the first chapter of my new story. Please check it out.**

**http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7516710/1/Searching_For_OSo I guess I'll so you next time.**

**(Replace (dot) with . )**

**Love you all**

**LittleStar300**

**x**


	27. EPOVFirst Meeting

**Ok, so, I promised you EPOVS of certain chapters and here is the first! YAY. Right, the plan is to have a couple of chapters that you have already seen but from Edward's point of view. These include: Edward and Bella's first meeting, 'sandergate', his date with Tanya, and the first time they did the bad, there may be more, we will just see how it goes. I also plan to write the proposal in full from his POV and probably a future outtake as well. These chapters will be posted as and when I get around to writing them. I don't want to put a time limit on anything. I do plan on adding the chapters quickly, but don't hold me to that lol.**

**It is so good to be back in this story. I missed it more than I realized. **

**OK, so here it goes!**

Love's Little Book

Chapter 2 –EPOV

It was just another day, like the one before and the one before that. Days tended to blend into one another, when you were all alone.

In the past I had tried to be social, tried to make friends but the task seemed impossible. Every time I met new people I would become so nervous that I would nearly faint. I was a loner, an outcast and most of the time it suited me fine. Yet, sometimes it didn't. Sometimes it hurt, and sometimes I became fed up of being alone.

The book exchange had seemed like a good idea. Edward Cullen the businessman that was who I wanted to be. I thought I would meet new people, make new friends and finally get over my nervous disposition. The reality could not have been further from the truth.

I was struggling. The Book Exchange became more popular then I ever could've imagined and eventually the control I had over everything slipped away. I was overwhelmed with work, my shop was a mess and the customers started dwindling.

I knew I needed help, I just didn't know how to get it.

In the end I made some flyers and posted them around the city. Then I waited, and I waited and no-one came.

I knew I was being irrational, knew that the people who had seen the flyers had no idea of who I was, but it didn't stop me feeling like the lack of response was personal. Why would people want to talk to me? Work with me? I could barely talk to people without shaking and stuttering. I struggled to form full sentences in the company of others. Why would anyone want to spend their spare time with me?

I was feeling sorry for myself and I knew it would solve nothing. I couldn't help it, things were slipping out of hand and I had no idea how to stop it.

Then she walked in.

I was attempting to get through the mountain of paperwork that was piled high on my desk, when I realised I was no longer alone. I looked up suddenly and stood. The chair scrapped across the old floor making a noise that hurt my ears.

Across from me stood a woman who looked as lost as I felt she stared at me with an intensity that was frightening. I did not know who this woman was or what she wanted but I felt like someone was seeing me for the very first time. There was just something about her deep brown eyes that seemed to see into the very heart of me. She was medium height and build. Her long mahogany hair fell well past her shoulders. She was not beautiful but pretty in a nervous and understated way.

"Hi," I said nervously hearing the tremor in my voice.

She smiled and I was completely disarmed. I was wrong before when I thought she was not beautiful. She was.

I didn't know what to say, what to do.

"Hi, I am looking for a Mr. E. Cullen," she said calmly.

I hastily stuffed me hands into the pockets of my jeans, not knowing what else I was supposed to do with them and rocked back on my heels. I wanted to keep calm, I wanted to be self-confident and normal for once but I felt like my heart was going to bust from my chest. Playing it cool was just something I was unable to do.

"Um th-that would be me," I stuttered.

Her eyes widened in shock. I didn't know what that meant. Was she disappointed that I had turned out to be the person she was looking for?

"Oh okay, well, um, I heard that you are looking for volunteers."

I panicked, I didn't know what to do. I never thought that those damn flyers would bring someone like her to my door. I didn't know what to say.

My lack of response clearly affected her too. I watched the confidence she had walked in with falter and I felt terrible. This woman had come here looking to help and there I was making her uncomfortable. She hurriedly searched through her bag and pulled out one of the flyers that I thought had gone unnoticed. She held it out to me her hand shaking with nervous.

"I found this yesterday, you are still looking for help right?" she asked, her eyes were wide and vulnerable and I felt like an utter moron. I had to do something, anything to give her back the confidence I had stolen.

I rushed round the table and stood directly in front of her. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but once I was there I had no idea what to do next. She looked up at me and swallowed hard.

"So, I have no experience and I know nothing about books, but I really want to help," she sounded so enthusiastic. I couldn't believe it. She had seen the state of my shop, seen the state of me and she still wanted to help, to spent time around me.

"You want to volunteer?" I asked disbelievingly.

She looked around the shop. It was a mess, there were books and papers everywhere, it hadn't been cleaned in months and everything was falling apart. I felt ashamed. It was my shop, my business and I had let it get to the point of almost disrepair.

"Yeah. Besides, I think you could really use the help."

I blushed but didn't take offence. She was right, I did need the help, I had asked for help and it had come…in a really pretty and distracting package.

"I'm Bella, by the way."

"I'm Edward, Edward Cullen," I replied.

"So Edward Cullen, can I volunteer for you?" she asked with a smile. If she kept smiling like that she could do whatever she wanted, I thought making myself blush again.

"I, um... yeah, sure. Are the hours on the advertisement OK with you?" I was getting more and more flustered and I was sure it showed. Most people would be trying to get away from me by now I was not the easiest guy to be around but, somehow I knew that Bella was not like most people. She looked at me as though I was the answer to her prayers, which was ridiculous because surely she was the answer to mine.

"Yeah, they are fine,"

"Well, um, why don't you come back tomorrow at one o'clock and we can go over some more things and get you all started," I had no idea what had bought her to my shop; I had no idea why she was not running away like everyone else did. And I most certainly had no idea how I was going to get through spending time with Bella without making a fool of myself. But if she was willing to try then so was I.

"OK, so tomorrow then?" she asked.

"Yes, tomorrow."

She looked me over one last time, smiled, then left.

I stood in the silent shop for a while trying to process everything that had just happened. Bella had just breezed in and shook everything up as though all my foundations had been built on air.

As I stood there I felt it. Change was coming and I prayed to god that I didn't mess it up.

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**So there you go! The first chapter from Edward, I hope you like him because there is more coming from him soon!**

**Please leave a review if you would like to and if you can. I would love to know what you think of the inside of shywards head. **

**Just a brief message. If you are following my other story (Searching for O) there is going to be a slight delay. My laptop died and I lost everything, I have a new one now but all my chapter and notes are gone. I am working on rectifying the situation as soon as possible…well, as soon as I can pay some bloke to break open the old one and retrieve the files, or whatever it is they do, Idk. **

**See you all soon!**

**x**


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